Most of us cannot be arsed to follow the drama and nonsense of the “fitness influencer” world. We can hardly be blamed for this, given how absurd the whole thing is. As far as I can tell, that entire scene consists of roided-out meatheads pretending they are natural (or “natty”, as the kids these days like to say), slinging mud at anyone who dares to question their drug-free status, and engaging in drama that makes the Real Housewives of Wherever look like a minor tiff over the last cookie in the jar.

One such beef arose recently between some kid who calls himself Clavicular online – so he named himself after a critical structural element of the shoulder and upper chest, which tells you a lot about the kind of character he is, and I will come back to that later – and Greg Doucette. Apparently, the kid involved is in his early 20s, and has been taking steroids of one kind or another since the age of 14 (!!!).

Perhaps inevitably, this caught the attention of “Coach Greg” – whom we can think of as basically the Gilbert Gottfried of the fitness world – and he proceeded to give his opinion on the kid’s juicing habits.

This did not go down well with said kid, who fired off a series of profane rants in response, calling Mr. Doucette a cuck – among other choice phrases.

This kid, “Clavicular”, is obsessed with “looksmaxxing”, which is some sort of modern phenomenon in which youngsters spend colossal amounts of money to make themselves look as good as possible. Apparently, he has spent US$35,000 (!!!!!) on facial surgery to make his jawline and cheekbones look better, and he wants to spend US$100,000 or more (*facedesk*) on surgery to increase his height.

Lest anyone be under any illusions, that kind of surgery literally involves an orthopaedic surgeon breaking your legs, inserting metal rods into them, and then letting your bones grow back longer. This is, to say the least, EXTRAORDINARILY PAINFUL, and can lead to debilitating and lifelong side-effects. (Which is my polite way of saying this shit could cripple your retarded ass for life.)

Normally, I would not concern myself with such drama – but when it popped into my YOOCHOOB feed, and I clicked on a video from Zirk Fitness out of a combination of boredom and morbid curiosity, I realised very quickly that the kid involved needs someone to sit him down and give him some brotherly advice.

This is not my job. It is not my concern what some young twit with more money than brains wants to do with his body. It IS, however, a job for everyone’s favourite Bro Scientist:

That video, though made as a comedy reaction sketch, contains deep wisdom from the DOMinator. As he points out, while watching clips of “Clavicular”, this kid thinks the best way to get money, power, and women, is to adopt the “Derek Zoolander” strategy, as seen above. (Dom’s quip about being an expert user of “Microsoft InCel” had me paralysed with helpless laughter. Say what you like about his tattoos – the man is a comic genius.)

If you listen to him speak, you realise very quickly that he is an Omega – very much in the vein of Elliot Rodgers. Anyone remember him? This kid basically read some statistics about how good-looking people get unfair benefits and advantages in life, and decided that was going to be his ticket to the good life.

In reality, though, he is simply engaging in an attempt to solve a slightly modified version of the old Incel Equation.

The kid sounds like he read about how to be successful, in a book written by other incels. While it is unquestionably true that being good-looking makes your life MUCH easier, almost by definition, this alone is NOT the path to women, wealth, and fame – if, indeed, such things are worthy goals, which I do not for a moment believe.

All of the available evidence tells us that, given the totally broken state of the modern sexual and marriage marketplaces, women value looks highly for short-term flings and hook-ups. If it is your goal to engage in meaningless, spiritually dead, soul-destroying nonsense like that, then sure, being good-looking is going to help significantly.

But that is not the path to happiness.

The women that are likely to make a man happy in the long-term (yes, they do exist), value competence, strength, character, and steadfastness far more than they value looks. Wealth plays a part, but it is not nearly the determinant of overall success that Clavicular seems to think it is. Money, in and of itself, is nothing more than an enabler to achieve specific ends – having it makes life substantially better, but pursuing it as an end in and of itself, is the path to ruin. Some of the unhappiest people I have ever seen, are extremely wealthy – their wealth and influence does nothing to buy them peace of mind, loyalty, friendship, or a good woman.

Those things cannot be bought. They must be earned.

That is the lesson that Clavicular has singularly FAILED to learn. He thinks he can take shortcuts to get what he wants. He will almost surely find that his attempts to play God with his body and his face are going to leave him psychologically scarred and desperately unhappy, always searching for meaning and purpose in his later years, that he should have triangulated during his formative ones.

God put each and every one of us on this Earth for a specific purpose. We are not told what this is at birth. We have to figure it out. Nobody has the textbook that helps us solve that equation – we can only figure it out through harsh, difficult, often deeply painful experience.

In my own case, I am reasonably sure that my Sacred Purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others, while doing my best to pass on the hard-won wisdom that I have accumulated through tremendously costly mistakes, to younger men.

And if that is God’s will for me, then I am content. It is good enough.

What is Clavicular’s purpose?

He does not know. But he seems to think that he exists on this Earth simply to be absurdly good-looking. This is nonsensical on its face (if you will forgive the pun). We already know how that particular journey ends – all we have to do is to look at the example of Rodrigo Alves, who ended up looking like a literal daemon after he decided that he is actually a “woman”, and spent absolutely bonkers amounts of money to look like one.

He failed. Today, he looks like something out of Satan’s nightmares.

That is Clavicular’s fate, if he does not get a grip, ground himself in reality, and do his damnedest to put in the hard work to move past his Omega tendencies.

This kid could look like Fabio, but his crippling insecurities and lack of self-confidence would unquestionably repel women instantly. Women have a built-in “Gamma/Omega-wave radar” that can detect these characters, and which sends them running screaming in the opposite direction.

Ultimately, there are NO shortcuts to life. There is NO WAY to get past the necessary work you MUST do to make yourself a man. Do not be fooled by young hucksters who think they can inject and sculpt themselves into the good life. They cannot, and will not.