“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Gym idiocy: Balance ball squats edition

Do you remember this picture? It’s been floating around teh innarwebz for years, and it’s all about the dangers posed to clients by really dumb, really inept gym trainers: I always thought that this was more of a joke than anything else, and that nobody...

The Great Squat Debate

There has been a debate raging in lifting circles for many years about the difference between low-bar and high-bar squats. And, honestly, from the perspective of actual lifters – rather than spergy nerds wanking in forums for teh lulz – it’s...

Domain Query: The triumph of steel

Longtime reader and friend of the blog Kapios asks an excellent question related to the severe and dreadful infestation of gym idiots that plagues pretty much every gym, anywhere: If you were a dictator what rules would you change about gyms? I know you mentioned...

Phoning it in

Unfortunately my motivation and ability to write anything much of consequence have both been quite poor over the last couple of days, so I’m going to have to dig up an old favourite of mine: As I’ve said before, every single word is literal truth. It is an...

Domain Query: Planet Princess Tootsie Rolls

Following my (rather harrowing and mostly unpleasant) experience with CrossShit, commenter Andy asks: Would like to see your perspective on Planet Fitness next. Be sure to go on Free Pizza Day. 🙂 Well, to my considerable relief and delight, I am not in a country...

A personal perspective on CrossFit

I have been roasting and attacking CrossShit for more than six years now on a fairly regular basis, and with very good reason. At its core, CrossShit comes down to combining anaerobic Olympic and powerlifting movements with hard cardio, and your reps and movements are...

I’ll take the hand grenade

Especially after having to witness Mat Best in drag: I do quite like the idea of handling ISIS terrorists using a Barrett M-82 50-cal, though. I cannot imagine a better way to send a goathumper to Jannah, short of maybe a 120mm anti-personnel canister cartridge fired...

The sound of your spine snapping

That is what you will very likely hear one day if you are ever stupid enough to take up CrossFit: There are plenty of reasons to make fun of CrossFit. From a powerlifter’s perspective, the stupidest thing, by far, about CrossFit is the fact that it combines...

The female jackassalope

Back in early 2016, I encountered a particularly foul, vile, and noxious form of humanity in the Temple of Iron, the Crucible of Steel, the Altar to the Iron God – yes, that’s right, in the Holiest of Holies, THE GYM – who was so profoundly stupid...

Neymaring

Apparently some sort of Very Big Event took place yesterday in the world of Sportzball, and frankly most of the time I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about what happened because unless the event involves Roger Federer doing his GOAT shtick, or an actual MMA...
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