The twice-weekly Instathots are something of a defining feature around here, as we all know. Now, when it comes to Instathots, I tend not to take their claims seriously in their biographies – as with ALL women, you must judge them based on what they DO, and never on what they SAY. This advice applies in triplicate for Instathots, because when it comes to telling the truth, Instaham is assuredly not the place to look for it.
You can be absolutely certain that any Instathot will have applied filters and effects to her pictures, in an effort to attract as much thirsty male attention as possible. Hey, don’t get me wrong, it works – never forget that women trade on rapidly depreciating currency, in terms of their looks, and have to make the most of it before it completely deflates. It is a basic truth of life that women are born rich and grow poor quickly – men are born poor and grow rich slowly.
Some women, though, take the filtering a lot further than is probably advisable or healthy. You’re looking at one example up above.
That there is a lady who calls herself Diana Deets. She is also known as the pneumatically-enhanced jailbait, “Coconut Kitty” – don’t search for that, if you know what’s good for you. She is known for radically de-ageing her photos until she looks like this weirdly tattooed and absurdly unrealistic jail-bait teenager.
I won’t go into the details of that article – others have unpacked such behaviour already, and it’s gross. But, seeing as how it’s Fool Day, let’s take a few moments to appreciate other examples of Instafakery, like the ones below:
Let’s be really honest about Facebook – or Meta, as it is known now.
There might have been a time when it offered some sort of public utility. But I think it’s fair to argue, at this point, that our lives would all actually be substantially improved if the Big Fella Upstairs simply snapped His fingers and made Facebook, Instgram, and all other Meta-related technologies simply disappear straight into the Underworld.
I mean, yeah, you wouldn’t get the Monday and Friday thots, but I think we’d manage just fine.
In the meantime, remember, ladies: your Instaham filters are not your friend. Your actual looks ARE. Ditch the first and preserve the second – and for heaven’s sake, don’t get tattoos!