Gentlemen! I have outstanding news for you all on this glorious spring day. Some of you may be aware that I have been extremely busy working on a few big projects for the past month. I am very pleased to announce that this particular project has now finally come to fruition, and we will soon be launching a cryptocurrency especially designed for Didactic Mind fans and supporters, courtesy of Ye Olde Didacte.
Today, in collaboration with a very well-known and respected cryptocurrency company from Ukraine, we will be launching the Didactic International Cryptocurrency (ticker symbol: DICC), a stablecoin pegged to the Ukrainian gryvnia that will trade on all major blockchain exchanges. Fully convertible 1:1 against the UAH in the spot market, and redeemable for actual hard currency, you will be able to use for real-world purchases. You can see the icon for our coin right up top as the image for this post.
User privacy and anonymity are an absolute priority. Any user of our new cryptocoin can be guaranteed that his, her, or its details – we’re not picky about personal pronouns around here, you can call yourself whatever you like – will be kept entirely anonymous and confidential, on our very own specialised, private, permissioned blockchain.
In the near future, we will look to enter into partnerships with the world’s largest payment processors, which will allow users of DICC to utilise various blockchain on- and off-ramps to transact in the real world. You will be able to hold your DICC in your hand via an actual plastic card, with a symbol stamped right on it, to pay for goods and services throughout Ukraine.
We are given to understand that this will be of particular interest to some of the valiant defenders of Odessa, who seek to use an anonymous means of payment to engage in their recreational activities during their off-duty hours. This new coin will unquestionably become quite popular in such circles.
Critically, all of our transactions are reversible – that is to say, if you accidentally paid someone for services and did not receive full satisfaction, then you can reverse that transaction within 30 minutes, without suffering any penalties.
And, of course, being a cryptocurrency with bridging technologies now implemented to permit transactions on the Solana, Polygon, Terra, and Avalanche networks, it goes without saying that you can very easily put your DICC into any other cryptoasset of your choice.
My friends, we stand at attention before the dawn of a new world, a tokenised economy in which we can own nothing, and be happy. The same is true for this new coin. It is a true cryptoasset, pegged to a currency that is in very high demand right now, thanks in no small part to the AWFUL depredations of its much bigger and so much more dangerous neighbour, which launched a TOTALLY UNJUSTIFIED AND COMPLETELY EVIL INVASION of an innocent nation that is even now heroically repulsing the invaders.
As we look forward to a complete and crushing Ukrainian victory, with the rainbow flag of the new world order hoisted high above the Kremlin in Moscow in just a few short days, we know that you will want to celebrate.
Which is why we will give away the first 49 DICC tokens to a randomly selected set of recipients. Be sure to email us to secure your place – we have already received some rather interesting applications from people with names like Richard, Pecker, Private Holder (and his wife, Valerie, whose maiden name apparently was Johnson, and who has now hyphenated), Willie, and Woody.
Finally, we note that this coin works on a proof-of-work algorithm, which means that it can indeed be mined. So, for those of you so inclined to plumb the depths to release new value into the cryptosphere, enjoy your day, and rest assured that we here at Didactic Mind Enterprises want YOU to be free and happy!
And, on the off chance that you took any of that even REMOTELY seriously – LOOK AT THE DATE, YOU WAZZOCK!