Lord but I do hate Mondays. About the only good thing that can be said of this day is that its worst effects are usually solved with a very strong cup of coffee.

And speaking of coffee, I have a feeling that the initial subject of this week’s compilation is going to need lots of that precious substance in about 4 months or so.

You see, it turns out that the Prime Minister of PommieBastardLand, one Boris the Giant Cuddly Floppy-Haired Sheepadoodle, managed to knock up his live-in girlfriend, Carrie Symonds.

Now, I originally had this first section mapped out for a bunch of classic cartoons, but our good friend The Male Brain quite wisely and correctly persuaded me to drop that idea when he emailed me to let me know about this story.

That is because Boris the Sheepadoodle has quite a lot to teach the rest of us about how NOT to behave with women.

Boris Johnson has been married twice before and has had numerous affairs during his marriages. This is NOT a man capable of being monogamous for very long. Nobody even knows exactly how many kids he has – it could be five, or six, or more. He definitely has 4 children with his second wife and at least one love child.

As Dawn Pine pointed out, it is worth taking a look through BoJo’s history to understand why his current choice of partner might not have been the best.

Here is a very young Boris Johnson with his first wife, Allegra Mostyn-Owen, to whom he was married for six years:

He cheated on her with the woman who became his second wife, Marina Wheeler:

He cheated on her with at least three other women.

Petronella Wyatt:

Anna Fazackerly (what a name!):

Helen McIntyre, with whom he had a love-child:

And those are just the women that we know about. He is alleged to have had a long-standing affair with an American former pole-dancer and (apparently) entrepreneur named Jennifer Arcuri, who has been quite coy about whether or not they ever actually did the nasty:

Here’s his current leading lady, Carrie Symonds:

Looking at all of the women above, it is pretty obvious that Boris the Sheepadoodle has a type. These women are all professionals, accomplished, intelligent, educated, from upper-middle-class backgrounds at the very least, and most likely have rather dominant personalities.

Looking at Ms Symonds, for instance:

Daughter of The Independent co-founder Matthew Symonds and Josephine Mcaffee, one of the newspaper’s lawyers, she grew up in southwest London and attended the private Godolphin and Latymer School.

In 2007, at the age of 19, Symonds was targeted by serial rapist John Worboys, who used his job as a black cab driver to offer his victims spiked drinks and then assault them while they were passed out or semi-conscious.

Symonds later found out about Worboys’ other victims and was among those who expressed outrage when a parole board ordered his release, eventually forcing a High Court ruling in 2018 to keep him behind bars, reports The Times.

Symonds studied at Warwick University and graduated with a first-class honours degree in art history and theatre studies. She joined Conservative HQ as a press officer in 2009, where the “gregarious, intelligent, ambitious, strong-minded and attractive” Symonds “quickly made a name for herself”, according to the Daily Mail.

This is all from an article which points out that she was probably the reason why the British government cancelled a planned culling of badgers in the countryside.

For those of you who just think of badgers as cute cuddly fuzzy-wuzzy critters, they most assuredly are nothing of the sort. While they are generally quite docile, they fight like ever-loving bastards when cornered, and they are known for spreading bovine tuberculosis, digging up people’s gardens, and biting and clawing when approached. They are pests in large parts of the British countryside, just like foxes (though not quite as annoying and dangerous).

Badger-culling is not only perfectly permissible, it is necessary. And it is one of the things that animal-lovers like Ms Symonds absolutely cannot bear to contemplate.

On top of this, she is an avowed anti-hunting crusader, a vegan (*eyerolls*), a strong supporter of the Anthropogenic Global Warming scam – which also explains why Boris the Sheepadoodle has gone all-in with that stupid Green Revolution nonsense – and very much a Shrillennial.

In other words – she isn’t that Hot for a 32-year-old woman, as I’ve dated better in Russia and elsewhere. She is WAY up the Crazy axis. She is very much in the Danger Zone on the classic Hot-Crazy Matrix.

Let’s remind ourselves, once again, of that hilarious video which contains so much truth:

The lesson for all of you is clear, gentlemen. Do NOT be like Boris Johnson.

That is a man in love with his own intellect and unable to control his passions, and because he is indeed quite brilliant – you DO NOT quote Homer’s Iliad chapter, verse, and line from memory, in Ancient Greek, if you do not have a prodigious memory and a keen intellect – he can easily be led around by the nose by people who know how to massage his massive ego.

This also explains why his government hasn’t actually managed to accomplish all that much besides Brexit, and why it looks so squishy on actual conservative values.

His government is planning on spending huge amounts of money to rejuvenate the stricken north of England. That is very much a Good Thing. Doing so will destroy the Labour Party for a generation and ensure that the Tories become a part of national populist conservatism, rather than a party of rich elites.

But they are also planning on spending bonkers amounts of money on useless vanity projects like high-speed rail, “green” energy (which is nothing of the sort), and all sorts of other pointless boondoggles.

Once again: don’t be Boris Johnson, which is to say – don’t be a fool, wrap your tool!

Don’t sleep around. Stick to long-term relationships – and if you are a Christian, you are better off married than in any other type of relationship. (Yes, I know, I’m a hypocrite for telling guys to put a ring on it when I myself have not.)

That way, you can avoid all of the baby mama drama that Boris the Sheepadoodle has had to experience.

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His Most Illustrious, Noble, August, Benevolent, and Legendary Celestial Majesty, the God-Emperor of Mankind, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus Astra, the First of His Name, visited India last week, and it appears that, in terms of optics at least, it was a YUUUUGE success:

The God-Emperor is proof positive that an imperial leader can be tough on an empire’s friends, allies, and – yes, let’s be honest – vassals, and still maintain respectful and friendly relations with the peoples of those countries.

It’s interesting to see the difference in reactions between Indians and Americans to President Trump. I specifically addressed this in a comment to a post on LinkedIn some time ago, in which I pointed out that Indians understand that America’s leadership needs to look after Americans, not Indians.

The people who get the most worked up about the God-Emperor’s attempts to reform the US immigration and visa system to favour Americans over immigrants, are not actually Indians or Nigerians or Chinese or whatever. They are white American liberals – who have the usual conceit that such people have always had, that they know best and that we plebes and rubes should simply sit down, shut up, and let them get on with the business of ruining things.

God bless the God-Emperor for standing up to those idiots – not just in America, but in India too.

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#BasedTucker is based:

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Greg Gutfeld beat Hizzoner Little (((Mikey))) like a drum:

The rest of the Daemoncrat clown car crash doesn’t fare much better in his sights either:

Always remember to skip ahead whenever Juan Williams opens his trap and starts yapping. It’s just nonsense and noise coming out of his mouth.

***

Mark Dice tried to listen to last week’s Daemoncrat debate, and like the rest of us couldn’t make head or tail of it:

That marijuana joke in the middle of the video was hilarious. The Daemoncrats are seriously high on ganja if they think that any of those clowns can possibly take on the God-Emperor in a straight-up contest.

It also appears that the Daemoncrats are quickly realising that they have NO HOPE in this year’s general election:

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Our beloved and dreaded Supreme Dark Lord (PBUH) has some words of considerable wisdom to add in the wake of Corona-chan’s relentless march across the face of the Earth:

Oh, off topic – I finally figured out how to get BitChute embedding to work properly in Blogger. The site’s own FAQs on the subject are… well, useless, really.

Here’s the process:

1. Go to some random video on BitChute, e.g. https://www.bitchute.com/video/52yxcfapWoJc/“;

2. In that URL, REPLACE “video” with “embed“;

3. Copy the URL and paste it into the following code snippet:

4. Replace the brackets,”[ ]”, with inequality signs, “< >”;

5. Adjust the height and width parameters as you see fit;

6. Paste the final code snippet into your blog’s editor;

And Bob’s your Uncle, as the Limeys say.

***

While on the subject of Corona-chan – Black Pigeon Speaks has plenty more to add about the economic consequences of the plague (see what I did there?):

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Iain Duncan Smith, former leader of the Conservative Party, talks more good sense these days now that he’s on the back-benches than he ever did when he was a senior member of the party:

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Bill Whittle gives his take on Sharyl Atkisson’s recent calling of the upcoming election for the God-Emperor:

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My friend and fellow shitlord Last Redoubt has a good take on the realities of socialism:

If I had to define it in one sentence, Socialism is the belief that power, rights, duties, etc., stem from the government (or whatever body represents and enforces law in interest of [ people | working class | Germans ]), for the good of the [ people | working class | Germans ], and not from a higher power – though some may claim an objective, scientific standard on which they “base” that government, the better to throw dissidents in asylums for being “insane” to oppose socialism/communism, etc.. This government can of course be composed of “the people” – in that wonderful show-fashion the Soviets were so fond of.

There is no check because there is no higher standard the people or their government are held to in the face of the supposedly common good.

This definition explains the overarching and totalitarian attitude – the personal is political – in governments that see free to take away your home, life, livelihood, business, or anything else for “the common good”. Your children aren’t yours, what toothpaste you even have available to choose is subject to the whims of some commissar. It also covers the fact that these governments operate for the good of the “people” in theory – German people for Nazi Germany – and the government in practice. Finally, it covers the fact that whether the businesses are owned outright by the “people” or just micromanaged, the government has the final say in the life or death of so called private business.

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Blue Collar Logic explains how the Sandernistas are planning to pitch themselves to heartland America – good luck with that:

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Our good friend The Male Brain once again has excellent contributions to the Mondaydact compilation, starting with a bunch of comics from a truly hilarious strip that he found via our mutual friend Captain Capitalism:

I liked the strip so much that I went and looked up a few more of the others:

Some more from Dawn Pine down below.

Being a good parent, and using sensible parenting techniques, is now illegal in large parts of the country:

How does the Devil Mouse select princesses? Either give them lots of cash or a cute animal sidekick:

And here’s a video that checks out how accurate Canada’s “climate change” predictions (*snorts*) were in 2001, some 20 years on:

Spoiler alert: EVERY SINGLE PREDICTION WAS COMPLETELY WRONG.

Honestly, if you are still paying attention to a single word that the climate alarmists are uttering, then you’re not only a fool, you’re a damned fool with absolutely no discernment whatsoever.

***

Jared Taylor from American Renaissance explains why it is necessary to call a spade a spade:

The fastest way to control a man’s mind is to control the words that he can utter. George Orwell’s 1984 captured this perfectly; the moment that you stop people from thinking properly, you stop them from rebelling against the insanity of an evil agenda.

***

The lovely and charming Mrs. Brittany Sellner talks about the trend of women proposing to men (*gag*):

Look, gents, if you and your woman want to get hitched, YOU PROPOSE. That’s the way it is.

YOU, the man, are the one committing to her, the woman. You are the gatekeeper of commitment. She is the gatekeeper of sex. If you think that she’s good enough to be your one and only for the rest of your life, the mother of your children, then grab your balls and ask her.

***

Paul Ramsey explains how the (((media))) and the Establishment elites will do their absolute best to make the God-Emperor look as bad as possible over the response to the global spread of Corona-chan:

Never mind that President George W. Bush’s response to Hurricane Katrina was actually the biggest, fastest, and most effective Federal disaster mobilisation in history up to that point. The (((media))) absolutely crucified him, because it suited their agenda to do so.

We are watching the exact same thing happening to the God-Emperor right now. The difference, of course, is that the God-Emperor has the ability to fight back – and he is exceptionally good at punching back at least twice as hard.

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Terrence Popp talks titties – totally no typos, a’tall:

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Lord Razorfist absolutely shreds the current state of the DNC:

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The very sudden departure of (((Bob Iger))) from the CEO’s chair at the Devil Mouse has been major news across the entire entertainment industry for the past week, and Midnight’s Edge has an interesting take on the subject:

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Gary from Nerdrotic on the same subject:

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Overlord Dicktor Von Doomcock also takes on the same topic:

Oh, and apparently Disney has a new massive multilayered expansion to the (awful) current STAR WARS canon, called The High Republic. Evidently, Doomcock hates the idea even more than I do:

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The Drinker has a movie recommendation for us, and it’s a good one:

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Here’s your “Science is F***ING WEIRD” moment of the week, again from Dawn Pine:

A weird “minimoon” found circling Earth likely won’t be there long.

The scientists who discovered the object on Feb. 15 estimate that, because of the instability of its path through space, the minimoon will likely leave Earth’s orbit sometime in April.

Astronomers know little about this minimoon — so little, in fact, that they can’t even say if it’s an artificial object, such as a dead satellite. However, they say, it’s most likely a small asteroid. And although the object poses no danger to Earth, it does show how changeable our neighborhood is.

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Your long read of the week comes via our friend the Gentleman Adventurer, and is by Rod Dreher of The American Conservative. Now, normally I wouldn’t touch TAC or National Review with a ten-foot pole (or even a ten-foot polecat), but this particular article is very interesting in that it brings an apocalyptic spin on the outbreak that is eerily reminiscent of the grandiose and terrible prophecies in the Book of Revelation:

My wife tells me this is written by a Buddhist monk in the Forbidden City named Gentleman Zigong probably in the early part of the 20th Century. This is a printed duplicate in more modern Mandarin. This is part of a large cycle of Chinese literature known as the “Ancient Internal Bible”. This is difficult to translate into modern language because it is written in a very old dialect. I view it as being similar to us in the 2020s reading Chaucer’s Middle English. So my wife really struggled to translate some of it – but in general – this is what it says…

“The year 2020 – The year all of China will weep. The omens will be so bad that the New Year will not be celebrated. Then the plague will come. It will come with a fury – the tigers and the wolves will hide in the mountains. The plague will encompass all the land – and will eventually spread to the whole world. Very soon – rice will become so expensive that no one can eat. Then the rivers will sink all the boats. People in that year will only be able to harvest rice in the very early spring. There will be no harvest of late season rice, beans, wheat, and oats because vast clouds of locusts will lay waste to the entire countryside. I, Gentleman Zigong, assure you Chinese in 2020 that the locusts will fall from the skies and the destruction will be complete. Smoke and fire will fill the fields – but nothing will be able to stop the swarms. Once the locusts have destroyed the land and the smoke is still coming from the ground, the rivers will flood the countryside. I, Gentleman Zigong, will tell you Chinese in 2020 how to survive. Remain very close to your families and your neighbors. The best is to have stored up plenty of gold and food to live and share freely with those you love. Tolerate no thieves among the people. Be uniters and not dividers. If you can do all these things, you will survive.”

Make what you want of that — I am not sure how I feel — my wife certainly believes it. But the more fundamentally amazing thing is the fact that this has been shared and commented on by thousands of Chinese elite. In complete defiance of the Communist Party which has done everything it can to stamp out their ancient religion and all its signs and portents. The defiance is happening with their real names attached to the posts — and just unbelievable commentary about their government’s incompetence in this affair. One after the other all day they come over her social media. This includes many members of the People’s Liberation Army. My wife is feeling that the cracks in the Party are getting bigger and bigger and this is way way bigger than anything that has happened in her lifetime.

***

Linkage is good for you:

• The rise of Bernie Sanders is yet another massive defeat for the NeverTrump idiots;
• The God-Emperor’s strategy in Syria is both sensible and honest, from an American point of view;
• The sheer hypocrisy with which the God-Emperor has been treated by the Intelligence Community is astonishing to behold;
• Nonetheless, the God-Emperor continues to drain the Deep State Swamp;
• Kathleen Kennedy might just get her clawed witch-hands on the Indiana Jones franchise too – God help us;
• For all of their pretensions of cultural superiority, the Persians aren’t handling Corona-chan’s presence very well;
• Don’t ever fall for the feminist lie that women cannot possibly be sexual predators;
• A (female!) dating coach explains how PoundMeToo has ruined dating – for women;
• This Obama DHS whistleblower definitely did not kill himself;
• Even Batman has to pay for parking tickets, especially in Moscow;

And some more from The Male Brain:

• Bernie’s praise of Fidel Castro is important and deserves to be taken seriously;

***

The Neo-Tsar celebrated День Защитника Отетчества (Defender of the Fatherland Day) in front of military veterans and commanders in Moscow, and made sure to highlight how strong Russia’s armed forces have become under his eagle-eyed watch:

He also recently sat down with an interviewer from the TASS news service in Russia to answer 20 big questions, and in the process of answering one on Ukraine, he gave a rather good impromptu history lesson:

As I said last week, I disagree with the Neo-Tsar about the notion that Russia and Ukraine can be rejoined. They are two very different and distinct nations – and ВВП does a very good job of outlining how this happened because of the occupation of huge parts of Eastern Europe under the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth in the 17th Century:

Looking at that, it’s very obvious exactly why the western 70% or so of Ukraine’s territory, and about 80% of its people, speak a different language, have different customs, and think in very different ways, from the Russians to the east.

The Neo-Tsar’s assertion that the Russians and Ukrainians are one and the same people, is not quite correct. There have been centuries of genetic, linguistic, cultural, historical, territorial, and even religious drift between the two great nations. Only part of the current Ukrainian nation can be reasonably considered “Russian” in any way, while the rest of the country is adamantly hostile to Russian influence and power.

***

Here are your history lessons of the week, starting with a very good one about the Thirty Years’ War:

I mean, yes, you could get much of that history simply by listening to SABATON’s epic Carolus Rex album, but you’d need to fill in a lot of the details yourself…

Here’s another one from the same bunch, concerning the epic Third Servile War:

And a third talking about how the Roman Centurion evolved through time:

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Wazzocks gonna wazzock:

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Comedy hour:

I finished watching The People vs OJ Simpson on Netflix early this past week, so this is rather apropos:

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Pics, guns, girls, starting with a couple from Dawn Pine:

DO. NOT. F***. WITH. THE GOD-EMPEROR.

Can’t stump the Trump!!!

Headlines of the week indicate that Floriduh Man is up to some very silly hanky-panky, and it’s all gone quite horribly wrong:

Your “Poetic Irony” moment of the week:

Your “Uglier than a Baboon’s Backside” moment of the week:

Your “Hilldebitch” moment of the week:

I’m going to get a head-start on this one – that float-maker didn’t kill himself.

Your “Lying Media Whorenalist” moment of the week:

Your “Flower of Scotland” moment of the week:

And here’s your “News of the Weird” moment of the week:

Well, that answers that ancient question…

In fact, I’ve got a mathematician’s take on the joke.

“Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?

To get to the same side.”

Yes, I find that funny, and yes, I have NO ability to tell jokes.

… AND STRAIGHT-UP MURDERISES YOU WITH ITS TUSKS.

THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is the real reason why Texans are armed to, and beyond, the teeth.

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Your dog of the week is the Catahoula Cur, or American Leopard Hound:

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Here is your gym beast of the week:

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Before we get to the Buakawminator, let’s see what happens when you face those infamous “baseball bat” kicks:

That is indeed the power of a really solid muay thai kick. You can really hurt someone with those kicks, especially if you target the back of the knee. The guy on the receiving end is almost certainly going to be in bad shape for months, if not years, after eating those kicks.

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As promised, here is your Buakaw Beatdown of the Week:

And speaking of the Buakawminator:

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#HeavyMetalWarriors

Looks like DYNAZTY has a new album out, which is great news – their previous effort, Firesign, was my favourite album of 2018, so this new one should be quite good:

“Hey boys, can you please KAMELOT just a little harder there?”

***

And now, at long last, here is your Instathot to start the week. Her name is Anniek Van Keulen, age 26, from the Netherlands. She is a model (*eye roll*) with, apparently, a pretty sizable portfolio and plenty of work – and she has the cash to show for it.

That doesn’t change the fact that she is more plastic than the dashboard of a Camaro. (Happy, DB? As you can see – fair warning given.)

And, given that she spends her time hanging out with the likes of Dan Bilzerian, she is very likely to be something of a porcupine. In fact, if you look at her eyes, you can see very clearly that when she smiles, she has an EPIC case of Thousand Cock Stare. There is no soul to be seen. She’s supposedly 26, but she looks at least ten years older.

Before anyone complains, let’s remember the way that the Instathot parades work around here. Mondays are for the trashy broads who look hot, but are almost certainly sloots (Exhibit A). Fridays are for the classy ladies who look beautiful (Exhibit Sweet Mother of God She’s Amazing).

All right, that’s it, chaps, get out there and kill it already.

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