Happy Suckage Day, boys.

As always, to make this day of misery less, well, miserable, yer very ‘eavy, very ‘umble servant is ‘ere with your regular Great Mondaydact Browser Crash. And we start by doing something that cannot be done often enough – mocking the SHIT out of the latest entry in the Devil Mouse Wars saga.

It turns out that there have been some MASSIVE leaks of the actual plot – after all six of the various different proposed endings were tested out on audiences and the “best” one was finally incorporated into the film, that is – and the results are just… I mean…

Look, just watch this whole thing for yourself:

What I can say here is that J. J. Abrams evidently tried very hard to save the series from the utter car-crash that Rian Johnson created with STAR WARS VIII: The Last Jedi. But he will fail, completely and totally, because Abrams himself created the very conditions for that failure when he scripted MaRey Sue “Skywalker” as a character with no flaws, no personal journey, no possibilities for growth whatsoever.

In retrospect, it appears as though the decision to chuck ALL of the EU canon feet-first into a woodchipper might have been a mistake.

I supported that decision when it happened, and I still support it, to a considerable extent, even now. The reason for this is simple. The SWEU canon was largely trash outside of a few of the novel series, such as Timothy Zahn’s Thrawn Trilogy, the X-Wing series by Michael A. Stackpole and Aaron Allston, and Troy Denning’s contributions to the New Jedi Order and Legacy of the Force series.

But the vitally important aspect of the SWEU canon, which everyone in charge at Devil Mouse and Lucasfilm these days keeps overlooking, is the fact that it was a self-contained continuity that featured a massive and rich catalogue of stories that anyone could draw from and adapt into films.

Granted, attempting to adapt any of those novels into films would have been a Herculean task given the extreme complexities of trying to keep the continuities intact. But the fact is that even the absolute WORST of the SWEU novels and comics were still better than the last four Devil Mouse Wars films.

I mean, as stupid and ridiculous as novels like Darksaber and The Crystal Star were, at least they weren’t as bad as the plot for The Last Jedi. And as absurdly stupid as the Fate of the Jedi series was, it still wasn’t as dumb as the saga-ending plot that Abrams has come up with here.

I’m calling it right now: this final Devil Mouse Wars film is going to be dreadful. And I think that, in terms of box office performance, it is going to be the final nail in the coffin of the entire saga.

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Midnight’s Edge has much the same opinion:

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Mildly related – this is what happens when Lord Vader dicks around a little too much:

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Speaking of Dark Lords – our beloved and dreaded Supreme Dark Lord (PBUH) recently did a superb Darkstream in which he calmly and dispassionately broke down the ways in which the rapidly escalating worldwide insanity are actually portents for great good to come into this world:

As His Voxness points out, the fact that we have such great and terrible evil on the looes in this world is simply a sign that the evil ones who control this world are losing control – and they are terrified.

He is also correct to point out that this is not a time to be afraid.

Make no mistake, our time of testing is coming, and it will be terrible. We will be tested, sorely. Many of us will reach our breaking points. But we should not be afraid of this. We should embrace it instead.

Do not fear, my friends. Have faith in God and in His Son, Jesus Christ. If you need courage, pray for it. The Lord stands by those who love Him and never forgets them. Prayers do get answered, just not necessarily in the way that you will particularly like.

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#BasedTucker is based:

That second clip is particularly infuriating to those of us on the Hard Right, because #BasedTucker articulates perfectly what the rest of us see and feel but cannot necessarily talk about.

There is NO functional justice system in the USA anymore.

Don’t misunderstand me here. The God-Emperor is doing a superlative job of fundamentally transforming the judiciary, purging the Left’s rabid loonies from the benches and installing proper conservative, originalist, sensible judges in their places. He has already appointed at least one originalist and one more-or-less-conservative Associate Justice to the SCOTUS itself, and he will very likely have a chance to ram through a generational conservative majority on the highest court before he leaves office.

Pray God that this happens, because the rest of the justice system is profoundly broken.

It is absolutely clear beyond any doubt or dispute that government bureaucrats and functionaries can blatantly break the law, lie under oath, spy on American citizens for no cause whatsoever, and flout their oaths of office with impunity – provided that they adhere to the shibboleths of the Left.

If that doesn’t enrage you and show you that the American dream of government by, for, and of the people is utterly dead, then you simply aren’t paying attention.

One way or another, that corrupt and broken system will come to an end – whether through the workings of the God-Emperor, which is very much to be preferred, or through violent overthrow and outright blood in the streets, which I hope and pray will never happen but which seems quite inevitable by this point.

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Hard to believe that the Aussies, of all people, actually have sensible news networks these days – but they actually do:

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PJW eviscerates the Leftist losers now crying floods of tears after their drubbing at the hands of Boris the Sheepadoodle:

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Laura Ingraham rips the Euzis and Daemoncrats several new assholes over their hatred of the God-Emperor, showing everyone just how much these people are out of tune with the realities of the world:

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Mark Dice absolutely shreds Cenk Uygur of The Young Turks in his quixotic campaign to fill the seat of the sexual deviant Katie Hill:

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Our blue-collar buddies break down the Ukraine bullshit and note that it simply does not pass the smell test – because it absolutely stinks:

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Paul Ramsey’s take on the subject of regulating pornography is very sensible and a much-needed antidote to the libertoonian “MUH RIGHTS!!!” argument on the subject:

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Linkage is good for you, and most of it this week comes from our good friend The Male Brain:

• The God-Emperor’s first SCOTUS pick, Associate Justice Gorsuch, is a man of great learning, wit, and erudition;
• The effects of media bias in the just-finished British election were profound but, fortunately, limited – because the British electorate is fundamentally decent and sensible;
• And speaking of which, here’s Richard Littlejohn of The Daily Mail explaining exactly why it was that the British electorate did the right thing;
• Simon Walters offers a different perspective on the same issue;
• We all think of China as being the world’s biggest surveillance state, but actually the USA is much, much worse;
• The real problem with Europe isn’t Sweden or France or Italy – it’s Germany;
• Turns out that the Christians are right – sexual morality, fidelity, and chastity all really matter to societal survival and long-term demographics;
• The Southern Poverty Law Center needs to be shut down and dismantled, for the good of the country;
• St. Gretard of Thunberg is, indeed, an unserious hero for an unserious age;

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And speaking of the Gretard – as Dawn Pine points out, it seems that she’s somewhat handy with Der Twatter:

So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill! https://t.co/M8ZtS8okzE

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) 12 December 2019

The Gretard’s response was to update her Twatter bio:

I’d say that the God-Emperor still won the exchange, though, because his campaign then responded with THIS bit of epic trolling:

When it comes to keeping his promises, there’s only one Person Of The Year:

✅Booming Economy

✅Record Job Creation

✅Historic Tax Cuts

✅#AmericaFirst Trade Deals

✅ISIS Destroyed

✅Building the Wall#TIMEPOY #PromisesMadePromisesKept pic.twitter.com/bEt9yqInqY

— Trump War Room (Text TRUMP to 88022) (@TrumpWarRoom) 12 December 2019

All together, now, gents:

All HAIL His Most Noble, August, Benevolent, and Legendary Celestial Majesty, the God-Emperor of Mankind, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus Astra, the First of His Name!!!

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Your long read of the week comes from Benjamin Cheah, a superb sci-fi and fantasy author, who talks at length about the end of the Singapore Dream. Having lived through somewhat similar experiences, I can easily relate:

I’ve sent out dozens, hundreds of resumes. Every month, every week, every day, I applied for job after job after job, hoping that someone would notice. Until then, I crunched numbers and copied clauses, wrote story after story, and picked up whatever freelance job and short-term contract job I could find.

I did this for eight years.

In eight years, I received nothing.

Less than one percent of my applications made it to the interview stage. None of them went anywhere. The other ninety-nine-odd percent was greeted with silence.

It didn’t matter where I applied to. The government, the media, PR and advertising firms, publishing companies, frontline positions in other industries, private tuition, schools, copywriting companies, even a temple.

Silence.

Over eight years I dropped my CV at every major headhunting agency. The only jobs on offer paid less than what I was making through my other jobs… or jobs I wasn’t qualified for.

Every year, some ten thousand fresh graduates enter the job market in Singapore. In 2014, it was fifteen thousand, and the number keeps rising. These newcomers compete with the old hands for a small pool of jobs. Fail to get a job, and you get left on the shelf. The longer you go without a job, the less likely you’ll ever have a job.

The time-honoured solution to unemployment and underemployment, championed by the government, is to get more skills. Up-skill, re-skill, deep skill. Get a new diploma, bachelor’s or master’s. If you ever need help, you can turn to the Jobs Bank, the Workforce Development Agency, Skillsfuture.

Been there, done that.

I applied for untold numbers of jobs at the Jobs Bank, along with every other job portal in Singapore. Silence.

I was recommended to the WDA. I sat through an interview, where a counselor provided me with a file filled with employment advice. How to pass an interview, how to frame your CV, how to comport yourself professionally, and… not much else. At the end of the session I didn’t feel like I’d learned anything new.

At the Skillsfuture website, I was pointed to their in-house job portal… and Jobs Bank and WDA.

What about getting new paper qualifications? Out of the question. I can’t afford to spend that kind of money, and I’m not going to spend another year or two of my life chasing more paper if it won’t guarantee a job.

Welcome to Singapore. Fall off the bridge to success and no one will catch you.

If you have not read Kai Wai Cheah’s excellent novels, No Gods, Only Daimons and Hammer of the Witches, then I highly recommend them. He may not have had much success in the notoriously straight-laced Singaporean model, but he’s a hell of a good SF/F writer, easily one of the best talents out there today. If you can afford to kick a few bucks his way for some of his books, I advise you to do so. I did, and I was highly satisfied with the results.

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The Neo-Tsar met with the leaders of France, Germany, and Ukraine at a summit in Normandy recently. It’s a telling study in body language, posture, and Alpha-male mind games, even in this relatively short compilation of clips:

It’s not very difficult to figure out who is the true Alpha male out of that group. And it also is not very difficult to figure out how and why President Zelensky of Ukraine follows the lead of President Putin.

Ol’ ВВП is not a tall man. He is not particularly physically imposing. But there is unquestionably a real magnetism and power to him. There is a real sense when you watch him move and speak and interact with people that messing with him will result in a sudden and extreme drop in your long-term life expectancy.

Is it possible to display such charisma naturally? Probably, but the men who can do so are generally highly sociopathic, if not outright psychopathic. More likely, these traits are learned over a long period of time, and combined with pre-existing Alpha male traits that were ingrained almost from birth and from childhood upbringing.

Also – take a look at what happens when two latter-day Tsars meet for negotiations:

It bears repeating to all and sundry: Russia IS NOT a major threat to the USA.

Yes, they interfere in American elections – but Americans interfere in Russian elections to a considerable degree as well. And yes, their intelligence services seek to disrupt, confuse, and mislead Western intelligence services all the time – but it’s not like the West isn’t doing the same just as hard to them. And yes, Russia is a corrupt oligarchy – but it’s not like America is all that different, these days.

But Russia and the West share common goals, and the Russian military is nowhere near large enough to be an invading force of any kind. Russia’s military is battle-hardened, technologically advanced, and geared toward defending the Motherland, not invading and conquering other nations.

In my personal opinion, military confrontation with Russia would end in military disaster for the USA and the Western powers, which no longer understand how to fight and win wars. It is far better for the West to accept and understand that it needs to ally with Russia and stand firm in defence of Christianity, against the forces of Islam and the Chinese Middle Kingdom.

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Also related – the Neo-Tsar offers his usual really rather clear and reasonable answers to pointed questions about Ukraine and the status of Russian speakers in the Donbass and other parts of Eastern Ukraine:

It’s easy to daemonise the Neo-Tsar simply because he doesn’t play ball with what the globohomo elites want – a particularly egregious example of said globohomo elite is sitting on his right in that video, in fact.

Even the Russian people don’t particularly like or trust him. My dad sent me an interesting article (behind a paywall, sadly) about the nature of the Russian state these days, and corruption in Russia is every bit as rampant as my Russian acquaintances told me it was while I was staying there:
There is no space for a central reservation on this 12-lane Stalinist highway because the central lane is reserved for the elite, those fortunate enough to secure special number plates including security services officers and top business people, as well as Mr Putin himself.

Medvedev writes that it resembles Tsarist Russia’s feudal table of ranks, which recorded grades of the nobility. “Kutuzovsky Prospekt reveals the whole reality of the Middle Ages in which our oil monarchy lives . . . here the right of the powerful to break the law is taken to the extreme, sanctified by flashing lights and elite passes. And all of this is protected by a special police department.”

Medvedev argues that since his third term began in 2012, Putin has turned the Russian state into an authoritarian force that no longer takes account of the economic or human cost of its policies, whether on the M9 highway, or in Ukraine or Syria. The corrupt luxuries of the elite have become the new normal, when even, for example, a former deputy prime minister’s pedigree Corgis are flown by private jet to dog shows.

Medvedev explains that Putin and co have built their malevolent power on the foundations of Russians’ deep-rooted faith in the mighty state and the country’s imperial mission. While other European powers long ago threw off the shackles of authoritarianism, curbed the personal excesses of the rulers and rejected the lure of empire, Russia has not. There is a direct line, says Medvedev, from Ivan the Terrible, to Stalin and Mr Putin. A “racketeer with rockets” is the result.

The argument will be familiar to Russia specialists. But it gains extra force when bravely delivered by a Russian professor at a Russian state university. His experience of the Kremlin’s baleful influence goes back to his Soviet childhood, as he points out in a wonderful passage on contraceptives. Frowned upon by communist bureaucrats, condoms enjoyed a brief moment of freedom in the liberal years before Mr Putin recreated the authoritarian state, only to once again fall foul of official opinion. They do, after all, present an existential challenge to an ageing country: “condoms were always foreign agents in Russia”.

As I say – there are many reasons not to like Vladimir Putin and the Russian government. But there is no getting past the fact that he is a VASTLY more effective leader than any US President between St. Ronald Magnus of the Right, and the God-Emperor of Mankind, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus Astra.

He is effective precisely because he tells the truth, as he sees it. Yes, he says and does things that are in his best interests, and not those of his country and people. I don’t doubt that. But he is also spearheading a multi-generational revival of cultural values and traditions that has resulted in a strong, resilient, tough economy made up of strong, resilient, tough people.

I’ll have to do a podcast about my thoughts on Russia at some point; I’ve got a LOT to say and it’s impossible just to write it all down. Keep an eye out for that.

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There is a reason why the Vought F4U Corsair terrified enemy ground troops when it came in for a strafing run:

My favourite WWII fighter plane is still the venerable old Spitfire, of course. But once the Americans learned a few very harsh lessons at the pointy end of fighter duels with much lighter, faster, and nimbler Japanese Zero-Sen fighters, they did figure out how to build truly epic and lethal fighters, ground support planes, and air superiority aircraft.

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The Male Brain has been watching quite a bit of gaylord Adam Conover’s work on the show, “Adam Ruins Everything”:

As Dawn Pine pointed out, there are also some things that he comes up with that are just plain old nonsense:

This particularly egregious bit of globohomo bullshit was torn apart by none other than Toe Rogan when Adam Conover appeared on his show:

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If you have even half the sense that God gave a honey badger, you will recognise and be deeply wary of anything produced by the Devil Mouse these days.

But even Satan’s spawn appear to be capable of at least hinting at the truth once in a while:

If you don’t know the story behind Togo, the dog in question took part in the nearly 700-mile “Great Race of Mercy” in 1925. In fact, he was the lead dog for the longest section of that run. Leonhard Seppala and Togo pushed beyond the limits of human and canine endurance for their section, covering over 261 miles of the 674-mile journey. Togo was Seppala’s lead dog during that trek, and more than a few observers of such things credit Togo, not Balto, as the true hero of the Nennana-Nome run.

Togo achieved such an incredible feat at terrible cost to himself. He would never run again as a sled dog and had to be euthanised four years after he ran his great race.

Balto, the dog that everyone remembers as the hero of that race, the one that has his statue in Central Park in New York City, covered far less ground with his team under the direction of Gunnar Kaasen, clocking in some 53 miles. But it is Balto who is remembered and Togo who has been forgotten.

So it is good to see the Devil Mouse going to some trouble to right the record. But, being the Devil Mouse, I fully expect that they will screw it up in some horrible way – they always do, after all.

If you want better takes on the whole history of the race, then try these instead:

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The new trailer for Ip Man 4 looks pretty good:

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And the new trailer for Ghostbusters: Afterlife appears to have thoroughly buried the retarded wokefest that was the absolutely detested and dreadful 2016, uh, “reboot”, or whatever the hell that abomination was. This new film pays loving homage to the original two films, has characters that are direct lineal descendants of those who made the originals great, and is set in rural small-town America.

If that weren’t good enough, the director is the son of the man who helmed the original two – and that man is the producer for this new film:

The Drinker concurs:

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Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sounds incredibly stupid, but looks absolutely BADASS:

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Remember how Dire Badger said that last Friday’s Instathot looked like a highly posed sex doll?

Well, it turns out that some guys are taking the idea of posing with sex dolls to a whole new level.

As it happens, American men do not have an absolute monopoly on being pathetic losers. I was sent this link by a Russian. Here’s a screenshot of the VKontakte page:

The caption reads, basically:

Yuriy Tolochko, a bodybuilder from Kazakhstan,announced that he had proposed marriage to the adult doll Margo, with which he had “dated” about a year. Margo agreed. No, this is not a joke.

Apparently it really isn’t a joke:

Maybe all of those steroids shrank his brain as well as his balls?

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BPS has some interesting thoughts to add about why it is that Japan has no patience for cancerous Western “woke” culture:

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The Rageaholic takes apart the recent changes to YouTube’s terms of service with his wrist-locked blades of steel:

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This deepfake technology is getting pretty astonishing nowadays:

OK, tell me you wouldn’t watch Dirty Harry with Ahhhhhnulld in the lead role. It would have been hilarious.

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Bruce “THE VOICE OF YAHWEH” Dickinson doesn’t need a band behind him to blow your mind:

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I have no idea who this guy is, but his impression of SLAYER fans is absolutely spot-on:

Believe it or not, I am not one of those fans. I don’t particularly like SLAYER. Yes, Dave Lombardo’s insane drumming is, well, incredible, but I’ve never particularly liked their style of thrash metal, and I never liked Kerry King’s whammy-bar solos. That method of playing solos has not really taken off in the metal world, precisely because it is not a technical style of playing and shows little skill other than to make weird sounds.

In terms of highly aggressive and angry thrash, I’ve always preferred more melodic options like KREATOR – especially in their latter-day incarnation. Their last album, Gods of Violence, has a sound that can best be described as “ear-raping”.

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Your history lessons for the week:

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Wazzocks gonna wazzock, and here said wazzocks explain exactly why they didn’t do a special with cars in it – and also joke around with the title of “Seamen”:

Some classic TOP GEAR clips for you as well:

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Pics, guns, girls:

That’s what happens when Walmart associates go loopy.

AMEN!!! ALL HAIL THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND!!!

“That strange feeling in the seat of your pants will be my boot up your ass!!!”

“My precioussssss climate!!!”

Headlines time, and Floriduh Man is making a strong comeback despite stiff competition from Commie Corbyn, who just got his ass handed to him by Boris the Bear over in PommieBastardLand:

So, does that mean that chaps who can speak with posh English accents – like me – should resort to spouting lines from The Holy Grail instead?

“I fart in your general direction!!! ‘Ow do you feel now, chickie?!”

This brings to mind the veracity of that old joke about how 100 drowned lawyers is a damned good start…

Your “Pot Makes You Do Weird Shit” of the Week:

Your “YOU DON’T SAY!!!” of the Week:

Your “Redneck Raccoon” Moment of the Week:

Your “Karma is a Сука” Moment of the Week:

Your “Don’t Go Into the Water” Moment of the Week:

You might be cool, but you’ll never be as cool as the guy who carved a Godzilla decoration for Christmas…

That is absolutely true.

“Wanted a brownie, never bargained for you!

Lots of people tokin’, few of them know!

Soul of a bong-pipe was created below!”

Actually, I’m told that you can only truly understand “Stairway to Heaven” when you’re completely and totally stoned. I don’t believe this, since I’ve never ever been stoned in my life, but I do believe that certain bands can only be enjoyed when either totally shit-faced, or totally high.

For an example of the former, see e.g. ALESTORM.

For an example of the latter – well, that’s why we have PINK FLOYD.

Right, chicks with guns, here we go:

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Your dog of the week is the adorable Japanese Shiba Inu:

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For your gym idiots section, we’re going to deviate from the normal practice of showing dumbasses doing dumb shit in a gym, and instead focus on dumbasses doing dumb shit in the fitness industry.

So let’s watch as Kevin from Pure Bullfit rips apart the NSCA for screwing around with injury statistics from CrossFit:

There are no good guys in that story, to be honest.

The NSCA screwed up but good, no question or doubt about that. They used their position in the market to severely damage the market share and reputation of a sports brand and organisation.

But that does not mean that CrossShit is in any way a good exercise programme or fitness trend. I consider it to be a cancer upon the entire fitness industry, as my numerous posts on the subject of CrossShit and its incredible stupidity over the years will attest.

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Time for some gym beasts to remove the cancer of CrossShit from our minds:

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Coach Ramsey Dewey was CLEARLY totally wrong about the exploits of the living legend known as Frank Dux:

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Your Buakaw Beatdown of the Week goes back a long way to the days of his second run to the very top of the K-1 MAX championships:

How much do you want to bet that whenever he fights his very last muay thai fight – probably sometime in, oh, 2050, at the rate that he’s going – his opponent will be buried after the fight in a grave with a headstone that reads, “DO NOT F*** WITH BUAKAW BANCHAMEK”?

Also – I don’t use Instagram for personal purposes, I merely maintain an account on it so that I can scoop up all of the Instathots every week. I do follow a few sports personalities, like Roger “GREATEST OF ALL TIME” Federer and a couple of others. And I happen to follow Buakaw’s account as well.

Even at the age of 38 – ancient by the standards of most nak muay – the dude looks like he’s carved out of a single solid block of iron:

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A post shared by BUAKAW BANCHAMEK (@buakaw1) on Dec 10, 2019 at 3:52am PST

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#MetalHealth

Don’t ask me what this next one is, it’s just plain batshit insane – even by the standards of heavy metal:

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And finally, after much cocking about, here is your Monday Instathot – which is, let’s be honest, the real reason most of you lot tolerate the weekly Great Mondaydact Browser Crash, eh, what?

Her name is Ceci Ariadne and she’s some sort of “fitfluencer”, which sounds like a communicable disease. She’s just turned 25, she has killer curves, and she evidently makes a pretty good living flogging lingerie on Instaho. I can’t stand the tattoo on her left arm, but if you can bring yourself to ignore that, she’s really not half bad.

All right, gents, up and at ’em. The skulls of your enemies are not about to turn themselves into drinking goblets, after all.

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