Does anybody remember an actress and model named Tia Carrere?

You may remember her from films like Wayne’s World and the laughably silly action flick Showdown in Little Tokyo, which starred the tragically deceased Brandon Lee and the ridiculously awesome mumble-growling of Dolph Lundgren (who may just be the smartest man in all of Hollywood, in terms of raw IQ).

I remember her pretty well from back in the days when she was the star of a TV show called Relic Hunter. That basically amounted to Indiana Jones + Boobs. I don’t recall ever watching a full episode of it, but I do remember that Ms. Carrere looked quite fetching back then.

That would be because she looked a lot like this:

HB9, at minimum.

The reason why this broad suddenly popped back into my memory is because I was watching the third episode of season 8 of Blue Bloods last night.

This is one of the only TV shows on mainstream media that I think is even remotely watchable – actually, I think it is considerably better than that – and the reason for this is because of Tom Selleck’s epic moustache it still espouses good old-fashioned values.

It preaches faith; the names of Our Lord and His Son, Jesus Christ, are explicitly stated on the show with respect and reverence, not irony or sarcasm.

It is all about family; the show literally revolves around four different generations of one family named Reagan. (Seriously. They named the main characters in the show after one of the greatest and most badass Presidents in all of American history.)

It is focuses relentlessly on duty and morality; the whole show is about the stresses and challenges of being a police officer or public servant in the face of a judicial and executive system rapidly going to seed thanks to the insidious rot of political correctness, and the struggles endured by those who serve to retain their dignity, composure, and innate human decency against relentless daily exposure to evil.

And, best of all, Tom Selleck is, of course, a lifetime member of the National Rifle Association, and was until last year a member of the Board. (Well, technically, he and his moustache are.) He’s even featured in the National Firearms Museum. (I had the opportunity to visit it shortly before I left the USA last year. It’s AMAZING.)

Anyway, to get back on topic, the third episode of the eighth season features Ms. Carrere as an eeeeeevil Asian human trafficking ringleader, and… well, when she was shown on-screen chopping off some poor bastard’s hand, I had to do a double-take, because DAMN she has aged!

This is what she looks like nowadays:

Well actually, that’s on a good day with the best possible makeup and lighting effects.

On the screen, she looked more like this:

OUCH.

I mean, I know she’s over 50 and all, but honestly, this is a far more painful wall-smash victim than even the previous title-holder, Emmanuelle Beart.

The thing is, the two of them have a few things in common.

Ms. Carrere was married twice, both times for about 8 years. She has one child with her second husband, whom she divorced when her daughter was about 5 or so. She has heavily criticised our great and glorious God-Emperor, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus, for being a “hateful” man. (Yeah, right.)

My keenly honed and developed pattern recognition skills tell me that there is a lesson to be learned here for the ladies:

DON’T be a snarky Leftist, DON’T get married and then cheat on your husbands and get divorced and raise your kids as a single mother, and DON’T try to attention-whore your way back into relevance.

That way, you might just be able to avoid becoming a wall-smash victim. I mean, the Wall is inevitable for women, and every single one of them fears and hates this fact, but it is possible to hit it with dignity, rather than a bone-shattering, face-melting, stomach-sickening, heart-pulverising crunch like that lady above.