Monday.
Bugger.
Well, look on the bright side: if you are reading this, you are not waking up on a Monday morning in North Korea.
Also – consider yourself lucky that you are not this guy:
A Russian billionaire embroiled in Britain’s costliest divorce has had his £5m helicopter seized and sold with the money going to his ex-wife.
Bailiffs acting for Tatiana Akhmedova took control of the Eurocopter when it landed in Turkey.
Her ex husband Farkhad Akhmedov, 62, had used the six seat chopper to fly from his £300m super yacht Luna which is at the centre of an extraordinary tug of war between the couple.
The helicopter was seized as part of a High Court order that all assets belonging to the oligarch be sold until he pays his wife half his share of his estimated £1bn fortune.
Two years ago a court ruled 42-year-old Tatiana was entitled to £453m.
Akhmedov, who made his fortune in oil and gas, has refused to recognise the British divorce court ruling and refused to hand over a penny of the settlement.
He claims he divorced his wife in Russia over a decade ago and the British court judgement is invalid.
His prize asset, the super yacht Luna, is being held in Dubai while lawyers wrangle over who has ownership.
Lawyers for mum-of-two Tatiana said the sale of the helicopter was a sign that the financial net was slowly closing in on the oligarch.
Imagine waking up one Monday morning and finding yourself on the hook for over a half-billion dollars in alimony and divorce settlements – and that your personal helicopter and super-yacht have both been impounded or confiscated.
Rich people problems, I know, but still – it kind of puts the day into perspective.
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Now THIS is how you enforce a border!!!
If they turned that into a movie, I would watch that shit in IMAX. Repeatedly.
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Remember back when The Big Bang Theory used to be funny?
… well, yeah, actually, it never was really that funny. But it did have plenty of good moments.
Its biggest problem, by far, was the fact that it was pure Blue Pill Beta wish-fulfillment fantasy. The central premise of the show is that a group of socially autistic dorks and awkward nerds could land women way out of their league, more or less simply by showing up and being… well, dorks and nerds.
The entire thing was colossally stupid in many ways, but because it did such a good job at projecting that blue pill fantasy, it lasted for 12 (!!!) seasons.
For my money, though, the most annoying character on the show – and that is a very competitive list – was Amy Farrah-Fowler. And here is why:
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Andy Serkis’s turn as Gollum in The Lord of the Rings trilogy was, of course, amazing. Recently he decided to use his talents to mock Prime Minister Theresa May’s utterly inept handling of Brexit, and… by God, it’s creepy:
Andy Serkis as Theresa May doing the Gollum voice debating herself about the Brexit deal pic.twitter.com/XFWFuJMV44
— Den (@Hobbesenero) 9 December 2018
I don’t have much respect for the way that Mr. Serkis implies that Brexit hurts the people and that the more than 17 million Britons who voted to get the hell out of EU are idiots for doing so. But I have to concede that the man has amazing skill as an actor.
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Kim du Toit, one of Ye Olde Phartes who came over from Sefrika many years ago and ended up staying, evidently believes (as I do) that there is no such thing as having too many guns. In fact, he is more heavily armed than the entire French army (which admittedly isn’t that difficult; I’m pretty sure most of my readers match that definition). And he has just submitted a truly superb job application for the, unfortunately currently filled, position of Press Secretary for the God-Emperor of Mankind:
- I hate the Press. All of them. Even Brit Hume makes my face twitch on occasion. Considering that they all hate you, I think turnabout would be fair play.
- CBS: Commie Broadcasting System; NBC: Nothing But Commies; ABC: All Bloody Commies; CNN: Commie News Network; MSNBC: Motherfucking Set of Nutballs, Bastards and Commies — ‘nuff said.
- I have so much dirty laundry in my checkered past (none of which I care a rat’s ass about), the Jackals of the Press (JotP) will be too busy chasing down details of the famous Parking Lot Incident Of 1989 to worry about your latest dealings in Iraq/North Korea/Iran/the economy/global warming/[insert liberal Cause Of The Month here].
- If a question is too tough to answer, or the answer would likely cause you embarrassment, I’ll just babble some nonsense in Afrikaans (hey, that approach worked for Margaret Tutwiler).
- I’d actually like to conduct the Press briefings in Afrikaans, just so all the multi-culturalists can experience the result of their all-cultures-and-languages-are-equal nonsense.
- I’m also a genuine African (unlike some Dolezals I could mention), so I can’t be accused of being racist when I state that the latest murderous Somalian kleptocrat dictator is “just another one of those African scumbags.”
- Most hostile questions from the JotP would be answered with: “I bet you wouldn’t be asking the same question if Hillary Clinton was President.”
- I’m sick of reporters like Jim Acosta making political statements in the guise of a question, and I’ll bet you are too. So I’ll use a stopwatch on each questioner, and if the question is longer than 5 seconds, I’ll interrupt them using a truck’s air horn and shout, “Next!”
- All Acosta’s questions/rants would be met with a pitying chuckle and a shake of the head. Just for giggles, I’ll first put a sombrero on my head before answering him in a terrible Mexican accent.
- Come to think of it, if asked a question by any furrin JotP, I’ll repeat their question back to them in a parody of their accent before answering.
- In answer to most questions from furrin Press jackals, the statement would go: “Well, to start off with, we’re not going to do what your government would do…”
- Post-briefing fistfights in the corridor would be a common occurrence. We could sell tickets.
- All references to NorKPres Kim Long Dong or whatever he calls himself will be prefaced with “That Commie rat…”, ditto Castro, Nancy Pelosi and that tool from Venezuela.
- All questions about the Pore & Starvin will be answered with: “We’re going to make George Soros share a couple billion of his own dollars with them first to see what happens, before we throw taxpayer money at the problem.”
- In fact, I could use that reply to all questions pertaining to economics or social policy, if you wish.
- I’ll keep a Wrist Rocket on the podium, and every time some liberal JotP asks one of their loaded questions, I’ll shoot him in the gut with a ball bearing, and laugh out loud when he squeals like a little girl. And seeing as they all want to be treated like men, female JotPs will get the same response (I’m not sexist).
- Saturday Night Live will never be able to lampoon my Press briefings, because the reality will be funnier than anything those liberal New York assholes could ever dream up.
- If you’re holding the briefing and get asked a tough question, you could always just say, “I’ll let Kim answer that question,” and then look puzzled as there’s a mad stampede for the exits.
- I can say you’ve declared war on any country, and none of the JotP will believe me… until after the first ICBMs have detonated.
- I won’t take any questions from a reporter whose organization has ever said anything nasty about your family members. That should shorten the Press briefings considerably.
- The horrible New York Times will stop sending reporters to my briefings, either because they’re sick of being mocked, or else because they’ll have run out of reporters to send.
- When asked, “Are you actually carrying a gun under your jacket?” I’ll just smile enigmatically, and move on to the next question.
- And to keep the JotP quiet on the topic of guns and gun control, I’ll add a weekly “Department of Righteous Shootings” item, and cackle like a maniac as I describe the dead goblin’s wounds in detail.
- The Nielsen ratings for my White House Press briefings would make the most popular current TV sitcom look like a Dick Cavett Show rerun.
- Finally, I won’t ever need any Secret service protection when I go out for dinner in Washington D.C. Best you don’t ask why.
Mr. President Donaldus Triumphus Magnus, I would pay out of my own pocket to attend those press briefings. The God-Emperor NEEDS to make this happen.
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You know how biologists and disaster survival types keep talking about the fact that only rats and roaches will survive a nuclear Apocalypse? Well, we should be really thankful that cockroaches are merely small and disgusting – because they could legitimately kill us all with their martial arts prowess if they were merely a quarter of our size:
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Many years ago, Jackie Chan appeared in a movie called City Hunter. I’ve never seen it and probably never will, but evidently the director of that film was injecting acid straight into his eyeballs, because just look at this scene:
I don’t think I can ever unsee Jackie Chan dressed up as Chun-Li. There is not enough eye-bleach in the world for that.
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Related – the evolution of Ryu from the Street Fighter games over the past 30 years:
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In the waning days of 2018, let’s take a look at some of the truly amazing-looking video games coming up in the next year:
I’m pretty stoked for GEARS 5 – but, WHERE THE HELL IS MY BELOVED HALO?!?!?!
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Dom Mazetti explains how to identify a Beta male:
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Remember back when Richard Hammond had to go back to TOP GEAR training school to learn how to be a proper wazzock again?
Yeah, me neither. I didn’t get around to watching that episode on Netflix before the !@#$ers pulled it off the rotation. [15,000 word expletive-filled rant deleted for sake of brevity and a more-or-less PG-13 rating.]
But, apparently, it did happen:
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THE GRAND TOUR HAS BEEN RENEWED FOR A FOURTH SEASON!!!
Yeah, I know, of course it was going to happen, but I’m glad it did.
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Related – there was a time when Jeremy Clarkson was asked to make a cheap, simple, straightforward review of the BMW X6.
You can kind of guess how that turned out:
By the way – that dig in the middle of the sketch about the boss of BMW shacking up in a motel with a Swiss spy had me utterly mystified for years.
Turns out – it’s based on an absolutely 100% really-for-real story.
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A very aggressive reporter from the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation tries to rattle Jacob Rees-Mogg after Prime Minister Theresa May somehow survived a vote of no-confidence from her own party – and gets right royally manhandled in the process:
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Via Power Line, news that there is now going to be a really-for-real transgender Miss Universe contestant:
The big news story is the presence of Miss Spain, Angela Ponce, the first transgender person to qualify for the competition. Ms. Ponce has undergone the requisite surgery, and her participation is reported everywhere as a heartwarming story of social progress:
Ponce says that she hopes to win in order to “send a message to President Donald Trump.” Because every single thing in the world must be about Donald Trump, apparently.
Note that even the Breitbart photo does not quite capture the face of madness – but this one might:
Okay, let’s be clear:
That’s a dude. Not a woman. Never gonna be a woman neither, no matter how many hormones he takes, no matter how badly he mutilates his body through surgery, and no matter how mentally deranged he might be.
Transgenderism is a mental disease. The only reason that this sounds even remotely outrageous in the modern world is because modernity treats madness as normality, and vice versa. And it is precisely this inversion of what is good and normal, with what is crazy and evil, that leads organisers of pageants like these to make the critically stupid mistake of pandering to the SJWs.
They don’t realise that SJWs DO NOT make up the core of their audience. They mistake the noisiest and stupidest of their critics for the great mass of their viewers.
Which, of course, is why the organisers behind the Miss Universe pageant had a look at what Gretchen Carlson wanted to do – and then did – with the Miss America/USA/whatever (who can tell the difference anymore) contest, and then said, “y’all hold my beer and watch this”.
Evidently, the fact that the Miss WTF pageant’s ratings absolutely cratered this year, makes no never mind to these folks.
This particular episode of self-immolation should be even more fun to watch. Y’all bring the beer, I’ll supply the snacks, and we can watch them roast themselves over their own fire.
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Pics from Power Line and other places:
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Jeff from ATHLEAN-X provides some great tips for how not to squat or deadlift:
There are plenty of bullshit fitness “gurus” on YouTube these days. Jeff Cavaliere is not one of them. If you are not subscribed to his channel, you are missing out on some great, well-presented, highly informative advice from a properly skilled and certified PT.
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Sorry to do this to you, boys, but it’s time for gym fails and bullshido:
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For some reason there were more deadlift fails than usual this week. And since I can legitimately deadlift 405lbs without breaking my back, I think it is high time that such gains-destroying cancer is exposed for what it is, by gym beasts who really can lift:
That reference to Eddie Hall’s fingers, by the way, has to do with the fact that he dislocated two of his fingers before the WSM 2016 event.
In other words, he was deadlifting with a broken hand.
AND HE STILL CAME IN THIRD.
That man is a beast, for sure.
And here’s a tribute to one of the greatest legends in muay thai:
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#MetalGods
That’s not a bad take on the legendary Battle of Thermopylae, but I much prefer the SABATON version:
And then there is the band, SPARTAN, who seem to have a rather good handle on Greek mythology themselves:
Continuing on with the death metal theme:
Don’t worry, it’s not all Cookie Monster growling this week:
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Instathot for the start of the week is one of the biggest such around – apparently she dated (read: banged) Justin Bieber for a while. She is from Australia, her name is Sahara Ray, and she really likes getting almost naked:
1 Comment
Nice body, but her face looks like a gnu.