I know it’s hard to believe, but there ARE, in fact, people in the gym who are WORSE than CrossShitters. Our boy Dom breaks it down for you:

The only thing he left out was the curl bros. My GOD but I hate those guys.

True story: I’d rocked up to the gym the other night for my usual leg-day workout (which basically amounts to 6×5 work sets of squats, followed by pyramiding sets up to a 1×1 set of 315lbs or more, then deadlifts up to 405lbs), warmed up, and was ready to go. I was feeling good, I had some great metal “choons” going through my ears, and was looking forward to the crucible that is any decent powerlifter’s idea of “leg day”.

And then, I looked over at the squat racks, and what did I see? A gym f*ckboy taking up valuable real estate space to do three-quarter-squats. The exact same guy who considers it Right and Just to spend his time doing some kind of weird spastic workout involving box jumps and front squats right behind me when I’m trying to lift heavy.

Unfortunately, it got worse from there. Just when said jackassalope had cleared out of “my” squat rack- yes, I consider it “mine” since I’ve been using it religiously for 5 years- out of nowhere, a Curl Bro appeared! And he then proceeded to curl, in the SQUAT RACK, for the next ten minutes.

There are no words in the English language, or any other that I know of, to express just how disgusted I was with that display. Yeah, great work, bro, you can curl a whopping 75lbs!!! Arm-and-chest-day, every day! Never mind that you’ve got legs like toothpicks and no real upper body!

My fellow lifters, it is my solemn promise to you that when I come to power, curling in the squat rack will be punishable by getting tasered in the ass. Repeatedly. I am Didact, Protector of the Ecumene, and I endorse this message. Vote Didact, and Make America Swole Again.