It is interesting sometimes to see the differences between women who marry young and marry for the right reasons, and women who become obsessed with finding “the one” and therefore plan compulsively for the wrong reasons.
Kate Owens,34, from Clifton Park, New York, had mapped out every last detail from her bridal gown to the venue – the only thing missing was the groom.
She even booked a band for the imaginary event after seeing them play at a bar in 2003.
‘I went up to them and I said, ”I don’t have a groom, but if you guys are still around, will you play my wedding?’
‘I think some people probably thought I
was nuts,’ she explained to ABC News.After enlisting the help of a wedding
planner, speaking to friends and spending hours scouring the internet
she had all aspects of her big day covered.She recalled: ‘I knew the style of wedding dress I wanted.
‘I knew what style
bridesmaids’ dress I wanted. I knew the color scheme. I knew I wanted it
to be outdoors.’When Mrs Owens, a project manager for IBM, finally met her future husband, Shawn Owens, she kept her plans secret.
It was only when he proposed that she revealed how she had pre-planned their nuptials.
She whipped out a binder – labeled Life – which housed hundreds of ideas including dress designs, example menus, hairstyles and ring designs.
Now that, for Mr. Owens, must have been a truly scrotum-shriveling moment. He must, at some point, have realised that he was potentially marrying a complete nutbag. I suspect he thought to himself that this woman was truly off her rocker, trying to plan every last detail before she’d even found the right man to marry. And I would not be the least bit surprised if he started mentally cataloging the names of every good divorce lawyer he might have met over the course of his career.
Notice also that this woman is at best a 6- on a very very very good day and in the best possible light- and is marrying someone who, based on the pictures at least, is a minimum of one socio-sexual rank above her. Notice that this is exactly the sort of Beta-style marriage that the Dark Trinity (Roissy, Roosh, and Rollo, of course) all advise so strongly against. Miracles do happen- I would not have abandoned atheism myself if I did not recognise this- but I wager that it would be a miracle akin to bread from fishes if, in 20 years’ time, this couple is still together and still happy.
And now, for Exhibit B:
She’s been lucky enough to star in a number of Hollywood hits but Megan Fox says her great achievement is having her son.
The
Transformers star, 26, has revealed that having a baby was her life’s
dream and now she has her baby boy being a film star doesn’t have the
same allure.Speaking to Marie Claire she said: ‘I recognise the blessings when they come
– like, I recognise I’m so lucky to work with Judd – but the ultimate
satisfaction for me is being with my son. All I wanted to do my whole,
whole life was have a baby and, now, I’ve finally done it’
The actress spoke about why she thinks her marriage to the former 90120 star works.
She said: ‘I just think we got lucky.
I believe he’s my soulmate. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t take work,
because we are very, very different. But we are tolerant of each other
and we try to be patient with each other, and I don’t try to turn him
into me and he knows not to try to turn me into him.She added: ‘‘He really is amazing. I should never, ever even think about complaining.’
The contrast could not be greater. Here we have a woman who is right at the top of the socio-sexual ladder. Her husband is not, as far as I am aware, a particularly successful actor by the standards of the world he and his wife inhabit. Megan Fox’s looks have made her one of the most desirable women on the planet- though her intelligence often leaves much to be desired. And the less said of her acting “skills”, the better. Yet, this woman, who could in theory have any man she wants, chose to settle down with a man much older than her, with significant baggage from previous relationships, and eschewed the roles and responsibilities of a major Hollywood starlet. It says something for her husband’s ability to channel Alpha-male qualities that he is able to keep that woman’s hypergamy in check.
The career woman who obsesses over every little detail, who plans compulsively for eventualities that may never materialise, and whose sense of self-importance is warped by having a high-flying white-collar job, will never appeal to the primal and eternal instincts of a self-confident and independent man the way that a committed, nurturing and beautiful woman will. And I maintain this opinion even though I recall, from back in the days when I had the time, patience, and lack of wisdom to follow celebrity gossip, that Megan Fox wasn’t exactly all that faithful.
On a related note, as far as I’m concerned, the “choice” that women face between work and career really isn’t a choice at all. It’s actually a choice between building civilisation or tearing it down. Extreme? Perhaps. True? Absolutely. Independent sons and well-bred daughters do not happen by accident- they happen because their fathers are there to teach them strength and intelligence, and their mothers are there to teach them temperance and grace.
I take two women in my own life as exemplars of this dichotomy. My mother sacrificed most of her career to take care of her children, and followed my father without complaint or protest around the world. It is only now that my father has retired and the children have left home that my mother’s career has really taken off. I know for a fact that she has no regrets whatsoever about this- as she has told me repeatedly, at no point can I ever accuse her of not being there when I was growing up. And partly because of this, my parents have been very happily married for over 30 years. (She also thinks that I’m often a raging MCP, and she’s not wrong, but she loves me even so. That’s what mothers do.)
Contrast this with a friend of mine, who I personally trained from a clueless trainee to a highly skilled and competent young analyst who was routinely making people with five times her experience look stupid. She shows every sign of having an incredibly promising career. She is virtually the complete package- smart, competent, meticulous, personable, and very pretty- a minimum of a 7.5 on her worst day. Yet, I personally think that if she does not “marry a good man who will treat [her] well, bear him children, and live a good life”, then she will have done herself a great disservice. Men will not respect her for her career choices- men will respect her for her combination of looks, intelligence, and nurturing ability. And in the industry in which we both work, those latter qualities become far less valuable over time. If she stays the course in this industry, she will inevitably become the striking 30-something spinster with the desperately spinning hamster, unable to reconcile her increasing career success with her decreasing fertility and desirability. And that would be a truly tragic outcome for a young woman with such promise. I have no doubt that if I ever have this conversation with her, she would be shocked and probably very angry- and eventually, as usual, she would realise that I am right.
This tale of two marriages is really the tale of the choice faced by all women- to help (re)build civilisation, or to continue to tear it down. Which side will you choose?
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