The title of today’s poast is basically a callback to a legendary – or, uh, not legendary, if you’ve never heard of it – album by the black metal band, DIMMU BORGIR. Now, I realise this is basically a niche subject for non-metalheads, but there is in fact a serious debate in those circles as to whether DB are, or are not, “black metal”.
You see, to be “black metal”, you basically have to produce music that sounds like it was recorded in a tin can, using a plastic straw for amplification. The more “raw” it sounds, the more “true” it is.
Indeed, among metalheads, black metal is the hipsterest of hipster things – you can find metalheads getting into literal fistfights over whether their favourite black metal band is, or is not, “true black metal”.
Basically, it is the most ridiculous sub-genre of an already insanely silly (but AWESOME) style of music.
The other reason why I picked that as the title for today’s poast, is because I finally knuckled under and bought myself a proper gaming chair (though not an expensive one), and my word, it looks great.
Solid black, with sticky-out angular bits, and a very comfy back-support cushion, plus leg extensions for when one needs to kick back and relax after a long day of flaying whorenalists alive…
That, I must say, is a chair worthy of the name.
The pathetic little thing you see in the background, by the way, is my old office chair, which is, by now, probably about 20 years of age. It is rather like that meme about “you vs the guy she told you not to worry about”, really, and I must say, i will be glad to get rid of my old chair. It was a faithful companion for many years, but it simply does not suit one who aspires to be a proper Dark Lord one day.
Anyway, A Game of Comfy Chairs aside, the real reason why poasting has been non-existent this week, is of course because things have gotten very, very busy again. Besides, it is proving nearly impossible to keep abreast of the God-Emperor’s non-stop streak of WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!. Seriously, at the rate he is going, Don Trumponi truly will reign happily for another 40,000 years – long and blessed be his rule!
There shall be more poasts this weekend, of course – I have a few queries left unanswered, and there have been some momentous developments in the Banderastan War that are worth commenting upon. But for now, you will have to content yourself with the lovely lady of the week.
This here is Valeriya Guryanova (ĐалДŃĐžŃ ĐŃŃŃĐœĐŸĐČĐ°). age 28 from Minsk, Belarus, and apparently a proper and legitimate model… whatever that means.
Belarus, by the way, is one of the only actually Communist countries left on the planet, that actually calls itself as such, although in reality it is basically a single-party dictatorship under the iron rule of one Aleksandr Lukashenko. (Or, as I affectionately call him, “Uncle Sasha”.) He has a remarkably low tolerance for stupidity and gheyness, though he has proven to be unusually merciful toward Western whorenalists – like that Bullshit Broadcasting Corporation shitstain of a cockroach, (((Steve Rosenberg))).
He grants them interviews on a regular basis, though you can tell he would very much prefer to have his minions in the KGB, which is still an actual thing over there, pluck out the little shit’s fingernails one by one while slowly roasting him over an open fire.
In this, of course, he and I are of one mind. But the forms must be obeyed, after all.
And on such a warm and fuzzy note – happy Friday, lads.
1 Comment
I’ve lived among mostly blackmetalheads all my life and am yet to witness anyone getting even agitated over whether their favorites are true or not. I have a hard time finding anyone as mellow as metalheads – if you want belligerent knuckleheads, look for rap aficionados. Metal men are brothers and very seldom start fights, they just finish them.
That said there are purist gammas there too, but no one likes or listens to them.
I gather the odd acoustics of black metal a sort of spice for the albums – they would sound great with better production as well, sure, but it brings something of a rustic patina to the sound, an echo of times gone by and voices from beyond. Dimmu Borgir’s stuff I never understood beyond the first release of StormblĂ„st and the song Mourning Palace, which is pretty good but not a particular favorite of mine. Otherwise it just can’t keep my attention beyond annoyance whenever Vortex lets loose with his atrocious vocals.
I heartily recommend trying Korgonthurus and their Jumalhaaska. It’s a gem.