I am very pleased to present another guest post from LRFotS Randale6, who is our resident game nerd. Whereas yours truly basically restricts himself to HALO these days – that’s all I have time for, to be honest – our boy has taken it upon himself to explore the rich and vivid world of Steam gaming, where you can download virtually anything you want, at amazing prices. Here are his picks for some of the best games you can get from Steam, for a song. I have simply cleaned up the text a bit – note to all, the Oxford Comma is your FRIEND!!! – and converted it to correct English (remember, “American” is not a language). Over to our friend now.

It is that time of year again, the great Steam winter sale is on until the 4th of January, threatening to make our gaming backlogs ever larger and to force us to fork over more for high-capacity data storage drives. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!

Anyhow, these are 12 picks from my Steam library that are currently on sale now for at least 70% off the base price (except for two titles). I make no money off recommending these games, for the record. I will be dividing them into 4 categories of 3 games each.

Villainy At Long Last

Did you ever wake up one fine morning and decide that being good is for suckers? Fear not, gamers, the industry has listened to you for once! As you play these games remember, heroes die heroic deaths, villains live on forever (witness, Kissinger). You can thank creatively bankrupt and stupid comic book writers for that!

Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel

This is perhaps the first villain game I ever played…and it was glorious. Playing as either an amoral terminator ex-spy, sadist cowgirl, do-gooder assassin slipping into the Dark Side (dammit, embrace it already), R2-D2 on crack-cocaine, the body double of Handsome Jack himself (DLC), or an icy baroness with a sniper rifle (DLC) you will endeavour to open up a vault of long lost archeote- *ahem, excuse me* technology (Warhammer, the most potent drug ever invented) for Handsome Jack…no matter who stands in your way!

Available here for US$9.99

Destroy All Humans

We’ve all played XCOM, but what about playing it from the other side…in a shooter?!? I picked this beauty up a few days ago, this is the comedy shooter I’ve been praying for. In short (pun, intended), you are a little blue man sent to invade and terrorise the United States of America. To give you a hint of how wacky this game gets, on one mission you will blow up the exploding, radioactive cows created by the USA government, and then, through holographic technology, impersonate the town’s mayor and blame the exploding, exploding, radioactive cows on Communism. For extra wackiness, mix rum with Coca-Cola and imbibe before playing.

Available here for US$7.49

Dungeons 3

In normal games, the heroes invade the dungeon. In this one, you defend the dungeon! Then, you invade the Overworld to bring suffering and death, and impose villainous tackiness upon the bright and happy land of the good… DEATH to unicorns and rainbows! All of this done in the best traditions of British humour, complete with the droll Brit narrating the entire thing. Best of all, the joys don’t end with one campaign (of which I am only halfway through) – the developers have made a point of giving you multiple single player campaigns (6-8 if I remember right) in addition to sandbox mode and multiplayer (if you go all in with the DLC, which to be fair is marked down significantly this sale).

Available here for US$7.49

Call of Warhammer

Don’t fight the call of Warhammer my sons, it is a man’s setting. Forget the STAR TREK and STAR WARS fan battles (fag on fag action), in the end there are only two categories worth remembering. Warhammer fans and heretics, now let us proceed to bolster our faith in the God-Emperor with these sanctified games.

Warhammer 40K: Boltgun

One of the titles in this list that isn’t at least 70% off, but given its original cheap price (US$21.99), the 34% discount still makes it a purchase my inner Jew can live with. For the low, LOW price of US$14.95, you too can take on the role of pixel-marine, slaughtering the unwashed hordes (literally) of filthy heretics and daemons. My only complaints are the lack of in game map overviews, and that we only get a chainsword for melee…what does a Marine have to do to earn a power fist for ramming up a Plague Marine’s asshole?

Available here for US$14.95

Warhammer 40K Gladius: Relics of War

Have you ever wanted to play a Civilization game with Warhammer 40k factions where the only way to win is planetary xenocide? If so, this game is for you. I only have two gripes about this game. First, the DLC, while good, follows the Civilization model (aka “we will nickel and dime you, and you will like us for it”). Second, every unit occupies a hex instead of being assembled into an army (ala the Endless Legend style) that fights other armies on a separate battle map.

Available here for US$3.99

Warhammer 40K Battlefleet Gothic 2: Armada

Strap on your voidsuit, park your keester in the Admiral’s chair, have the servitors reload the space cannons, and pray to the God-Emperor to preserve you and your ship from the dangers of hell is hyperspace. This game isn’t just any old spaceship RTS game (for once, your economy is managed outside of battle) but it’s a N00B-friendly RTS game.

Yes, there is micromanagement involved, but it is the micromanagement of a fleet that will at most reach 7-11 vessels in total (outside of epic fleet battles). The real upside to this title is that it was released as an entire game (no faction DLCs, you get twelve factions to choose from in the vanilla game). The downside is, the game only has campaigns for three factions base. (You can get a fourth one for Chaos via DLC, but after that one flopped, Tindalos stopped producing content for the game).

Available here for US$4.99

Autists United

Yes, an entire section for strategy games, I know mindlessly blasting away in shooters is fun, but sometimes you need a little variety… and slower-paced gameplay. Now if only we can get Games Workshop to allow Amplitude Studios to make a video game translation of the entire tabletop game… but that will never happen, Games Workshop must keep selling figurines, you see… pure cocaine sniffed off the finest Colombian call girl’s ass is cheaper in the long run.

Sins of a Solar Empire

Perhaps the most famous spaceship RTS of all time, Sins of a Solar Empire is to real time strategy games what Skyrim is to RPGs, the gold standard enjoyed by thousands of people all over the world… a full decade after its release.

You will be thrust into the map as one of three races (and each of these have a rebel and a loyalist faction), and your entire mission in life is to win by any means fair or foul. As an example, the Advent can brainwash entire planets, while the TEC can depopulate them with a giant railgun.

Your forces can get to the point that a Zerg player from StarCraft would give up on micromanaging the force. All of this is achieved with a graphics setup that has aged well and will run on a potato. There is only one fault with this game… no campaign mode, probably the most requested feature by the player base that Stardock has never implemented.

While not a 70%-off-title, the discount is still hefty at 66%, resulting in an end price of US$13.59 for the basic game. While the game does have some DLC content, that content is strictly a bonus, a nice one but not in any way, shape, or form needed to have a good gameplay experience.

Available here for US$13.59

BattleTech

BattleTech is perhaps the most faithful (if incomplete) video game adaptation of the BattleTech universe. Alas, it will never achieve completeness – through no fault of its own, say it with me: F*** Paradox Interactive. Yet, even in this incomplete form, it is still good.

You will command a mercenary company (in both campaign and mercenary modes), with each mission involving your lance of 4 mechs fighting in a variety of missions (ranged from assassination to rescue) for guts, glory, and most importantly of all, the almighty C-Bill.

Just like the tabletop, it is all turn based, the downside being that you don’t have anywhere near the tabletop’s full complement of mechs and units (due to the game’s timeline and budget, the clans are still decades away from invading the inner sphere).

None of this changes the fact that this is a good game for people who love turn based and/or mecha games. But it falls short of its true potential, thanks to the cretins at Paradox Interactive. (Almighty Omnissiah, Great Machine God, can we send both Paradox and EA to corporate hell?).

Available here for US$9.99

Endless Legend

Endless Legend is what happens when you get a studio to hire both decent writers and great developers, who are not controlled by the corporate overlords from Hell. The setting is above average – this isn’t as good as Warhammer fantasy, but it can stand on its own two feet – but the gameplay… this really should be industry standard for 4X games.

Its two most impressive achievements in gameplay are the unit customisation and the battle systems. Each faction only has 3-4 mainline troop types, but thanks to the customisation system, those units can be made to perform different functions effectively (with the added benefit that said system is easy to grasp and use) by equipping them appropriately.

The battle system meanwhile means that each army inhabits one hex, when two armies fight, they spawn onto a special battle map. Among other benefits, this ensures that you don’t face the fustercluck of continent spanning movements you’ll encounter in say Warhammer 40K: Gladius, where every unit must have its own hex.

This is coupled with a gameplay experience that is smooth, polished, and most importantly, enjoyable. To cap things off, even the DLC situation with this game isn’t bad, unlike certain developers (*points at Creative Assembly*) the game DLC is often as discounted as the game when a sale occurs. As of 12/29/2023 both the base game and much of the DLC content is at 75% off.

Available here for US$7.49

Odds and Ends

Welcome to Odds and Ends, where I just choose games for no particular reason, beyond them being decent to good titles.

Warhammer: Blood Bowl 2

Yes, I know, I’m addicted to Warhammer 40K as tightly as a Jew is to his bank account. Fortunately, this isn’t Warhammer 40K, Warhammer fantasy does count as a separate thing… right?!?!?!

Moving on – Blood Bowl 2 combines three things I love, Warhammer (obviously), strategy, and making fun of sportzball. In this strange, twisted, and most likely heretical, version of the Warhammer universe, war has been replaced with… “‘Murkin Rules football”.

Even Khorne has accepted this reality (balls for the ball god, kicks for the kick throne… and Slaanesh is going to be mocking him for aeons). But this is not American football as we know it, you see “’Murkin Rules football” is what happens when you put American football, rugby, and Roman gladiatorial combat in a blender. With a goblin’s head.

The result is a game with many viable paths to victory, from the almost bloodless option of playing flag football (oh who I am kidding, that’s heresy to any American football lover), to ignoring the ball entirely and rushing the enemy players into the stands (where they will be promptly beaten up, eaten, and/or killed by the fans, in no particular order).

Alongside all of this is the correct ambience for the games, including the team sponsors that advertise their products in game and the cheerleaders… Oh, pro tip, DO NOT look at the Orc cheerleaders, that CANNOT be UNSEEN.

At its current price, it’s a steal. Fork out a few more shekels, and you’ll get much of its DLC content too.

Available here for US$2.99

Call of Juarez: Gunslinger

This game may not be the most realistic Western shooter ever to exist (*points at Red Dead Redemption 2, where even your facial hair is treated realistically*) but it gets the feel down, even if it has arcade-type shooter feel to it. You will fight for revenge, going in guns blazing with your choice of dual revolvers, rifle, or shotgun (and dynamite) in hand.

At the end of the day, is there anything more a man can ask for at this price?

[Tequila and prostitutes? – Didact]

Available here for US$2.99

Grim Dawn

Proving that insane financial resources aren’t everything (estimates for Diablo 4’s total production and advertising costs place it at roughly US$100-135M), Crate Entertainment delivered to us Grim Dawn. If you like the Diablo-X genre, you will like this title.

Set in a grim dark, post-apocalyptic, early Victorian England world, from which Warhammer Fantasy should take notes, Grim Dawn is what Blizzard wishes it could have made. But Blizzard doesn’t have the balls and brains anymore to do that.

This game boasts 9 classes with all expansions (and they are proper expansions of the old school type, you will get your money’s worth), alongside the ability to dual-class and use the constellation and gear systems to create endless possibilities for your character.

You want a death knight (soldier + necromancer) leading a horde of OP skeleton soldiers to undead glory? YOU CAN!

You want to play an Inquisitor torn straight from Warhammer 40K with all sorts of snazzy techno-magic gizmos? YOU CAN!

All of this with startlingly good, setting-appropriate graphics that will run well on the moldy potato you forgot about in your closet. Best of all, the game is still being supported to this day with regular updates, they even have the game’s 4th expansion in the works.