I hate Mondays. And this Monday, I have to go apply for a British visa.
You Yankees are fortunate enough not to have to go through the sheer misery – and expense – of this horrid process. Let me tell you, it is PAINFUL. The only visas that are worse to apply for are the USA and Israel.
Seeing as how it is a particularly miserable Monday, I figured I should get y’all started off on the right foot with some good old-fashioned escapism.
So here we go with a lot of cool stuff related to Batman.
Hey, you don’t get much more escapist than a guy dressed up as a giant bat beating the shit out of criminals and demigods alike:
Batman is the BOSS:
The only problem there is that this particular version of the Dark Knight is not voiced by Kevin Conroy – who is, of course, the very best voice of Batman ever.
Speaking of which:
And if you ever wondered what Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy would have sounded like without Christian “Cancer Throat” Bale’s voice and with Conroy’s voice… prepare to quake in your boots from the sheer epicness:
Now don’t get me wrong, I think that Christian Bale is the best live-action Batman ever. But even I will admit that his raspy growl cannot possibly hold a candle to Kevin Conroy’s superb voice acting.
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Carrying on with the Batman theme – important life lessons from the Dark Knight:
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DO NOT piss off Batman, because it is a virtual guarantee that he has already figured out how to destroy you:
Also, there is a pretty good possibility that hacking off the Dark Knight will result in a few choice words – and fists – from Supes:
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Gendy Tartakovsky is known for his children’s animation work.
His latest project is decidedly NOT for kiddies:
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Here’s one that will make you sit up and go, “What kind of crazy nerf-brained Sithspawn came up with THAT?!?!?”:
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Boy it’s fun to watch Alexandria Occasional-Cortex getting thumped by people smarter and more experienced than her:
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US Women’s Football team captain Megan Rapinoe may well have led her team to winning the World Cup – not that anyone who watches real sports gives even the minutest quantum of a damn – but she is still an utterly unpleasant dyke:
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On a related note – for some reason, the Left thinks that a hockey coach telling his players to get the f*** out if they intend to disrespect the Anthem and the Flag is a bad thing:
The Left in America are not American. They are actively anti-American and need to be treated as subversive enemy agents and traitors, if not as an outright occupying enemy force.
And if that means breaking up the USA to let the urban enclaves of the Left die on the vine…
So be it.
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This one should please both space nerds and unreconstructed Cold Warriors alike – the Russkies are getting back into the space game, in a big way:
The launch of the unique Spektr-RG observatory and restoration of one of the world’s largest radio telescopes in Crimea shows Russia is serious about regaining its position as a top space power, experts have told RT.
The Proton-M booster blasted off from Baikonur Cosmodrome at the weekend, carrying state-of-the-art telescopes, which are expected to detect more than 100,000 massive galaxy clusters and more than three million supermassive black holes.
The German soft X-Ray telescope, eROSITA, and its hard X-Ray Russian counterpart, ART-XC, on board the station will scan the sky in unprecedented detail to create the most complete map ever of the observable universe. A similar mission was carried out by the German ROSAT satellite three decades ago, but the sensitivity of Spektr-RG is 30 times higher.
Scientists believe that the data gathered by the space observatory will allow them to greatly expand their knowledge of dark matter and dark energy, to subsequently test models of the expansion of the universe.
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SJWs gonna be annoying pains in the ass:
I do not – YET – advocate for preemptive violence against the SJW types.
But sooner or later the day is going to come when they run into actual Hard Righters who take the slogan, “Don’t Tread On Me”, very seriously – and one of them is going to get a face full of 12-gauge.
When, not if, that day comes, I’m just going to laugh my ass off.
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Speaking of awesomeness INNN SPAAAAAAAAACE!!! – Bill Whittle’s latest programme about Apollo 11 is looking really pretty good:
And here is his take on whether or not men – American men – did in fact land on the Moon:
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Here is an old nerdy favourite of mine – the old “redefinitions” gag:
The “Washington Post” sponsored a Style Invitational, asking readers to take any wordfrom the dictionary; alter it by adding, subtracting or changing oneletter; and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the readerwho doesn’t get it.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose ofobtaining sex.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It’s, like, when everybody is sending off all these reallybad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like aserious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when theycome at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lastsuntil you realize it was your money to start with.
And, my favorite…
Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
The Jeff Bezos Blog almost certainly never published any such list. Being staffed full of liberaltards, they are notably lacking in anything resembling a sense of humour – or, for that matter, a soul. But it’s still a funny list nonetheless.
I do love that line about the “ignoranus”, though.
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The Trap Lord roasts the hell out of a “fitness addict” who can’t cook water:
I mean, I’m not a great cook by any standard, but I am damn good at making eggs. It’s not difficult to make appetising scrambled eggs in a stainless steel pan without leaving a third of them stuck to the pan itself.
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I do not watch basketball. Anything that does not involve men beating each other’s fillings out, or Roger Federer’s godlike tennis skills, doesn’t really count as a sport in my eyes. So I have no idea whether this guy Lonzo Ball is any good.
Judging by this compilation of missed shots, though – he isn’t:
This is the same Lonzo Ball whose sibling got caught shoplifting in China in 2017, and who were apparently released in large measure thanks to His Astral Majesty, the God-Emperor of Mankind, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus, and whose father LaVar Ball failed to show any form of humility or gratitude for President Trump’s intervention.
Again, I don’t have a clue whether he is a good player – watch this and judge for yourself:
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Wazzocks gonna wazzock – like no wazzocks ever wazzocked before:
To quote the sagely wisdom of the legendary philosopher Clarksonius: “Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary – that’s what gets you.”
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Related – Jezza at his profane, grumpy-old-fat-man best:
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That’s a… novel explanation for how that big-ass diamond got lost in Tincanic:
Every red-blooded man, ever, hates that movie. And not just because of the horrid cringe-worthy Celine Dion song, but because it is a dreadful film.
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Pics, girls, and guns time:
Yeah, I know I have a weird sense of humour, but I actually find that hilarious.
DAMN but the chicks from the Squad got beat hard with the Ugly Stick!!! I mean, AOC has a nice figure and all, but the moment that she opens her mouth and shows her stupid horse-face, and then forces you to listen to that even more stupid baby-voiced squeaky nails-on-a-chalkboard voice, the magic wears off.
You could put her face next to the word “ignoranus”.
Floriduh time:
That is what happens when Alabama and Florida get into a competition to see who can redneck the hardest.
Look, guys, I’m just going to say this once – DO NOT TAKE ON FLORIDA MAN:
Your “NO SHIT?!?” moment of the day:
No they can’t. They’re still liberals, i.e. terminally stupid.
Well duh. Have you SEEN her horse-teeth?!? They distract the hell out of me!
A meth-gator? What would that loo-
Ah. You win again, Internet.
Obvious pun is obvious…
Lived in the Northeast for 12 years. CAN CONFIRM.
Ah, but one should never, ever challenge a Southron about the weather:
And then there’s Maine:
This brings to mind some very uncomfortable questions about what happens when you splice DNA between a bat and a cat…
Chicks with guns time:
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Your dog of the week is the Caucasian Shepherd Dog, which could very easily be mistaken for a lion in the right light:
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Gym idiots time, sadly:
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Time to take an in-depth look at certain members of the species Gymbeasticus liftheavyshitus, specifically within the family Powerliftus:
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Your brutal Buakaw beatdown of the day:
The Russians are a breed of people known for being tough, stoic, and strong.
Buakaw looks at them and laughs.
He is what the Bogeyman looks for under his bed at night before he goes to sleep.
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#SiblingsOfMetal
I do love me that classic metal vibe.
IRON MAIDEN bassist and founder Steve Harris’s son is in that band, actually.
Oh, and speaking of ‘Arry and ‘is lads:
GREATEST. BAND. OF. ALL. TIME. End of discussion.
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Your Instathot to start the week is named Maura Higgins, and they don’t get much thottier than her. She actually looks anywhere from average to terrible without makeup – like most “hot” British girls, in my experience. Something about their genetics just does not make them look good.
She is a contestant on a hugely popular TV show over in PommieBastardLand called Love Island, and if you know anything about that show, the fact that it is such a ratings smash should give you plenty of reason to despair over the future of the nation that once gave the world the greatest empire in human history.
That’s it for this Monday, lads. Try to get through it with your head held high, it’ll be over soon enough.
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