“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Speaking of racial insensitivity…

by | Dec 14, 2013 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Now I’m in full agreement with Vox and everyone else that the guy who pranked the entire world at Nelson Mandela’s funeral deserves some kind of Nobel Prize, or an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, or at least a goddamn Most Epic Moon-Sized Testicles Ever medal.

However, given that we are now faced with a world without Nelson Mandela and all of the great things that he did bring forth, I believe that it is time for us to pay open and honest tribute to the great Madiba by giving him the only possible appropriate send-off:

That’s right, my friends- THE 21-VUVUZELA TRIBUTE!

If any of you were watching the 2010 Football World Cup (I wasn’t, primarily because I have very little patience for the kind of horrible ham-acting that passes for international football these days, and also because I just don’t see the point of a game where NOBODY EVER SCORES), you would remember a sound that would probably best be described as a thousand wasps raping your eardrums from the television broadcasts. And it’s fair to say that the damn things died a wholly un-mourned death after the conclusion of that World Cup (which a European team won, AGAIN- it’s as pointless an exercise in naming as you Americans and your absurd notion of a “World Series” in baseball). However, I say that it’s time to bring back this great and wonderful symbol of everything that is good and right about Africa, in honour of the passing of another of that continent’s great icons.

Who’s with me?!?

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