A few days before I went on vacation, Gary from Nerdrotic released a video explaining why the latest season of DEM RANGZ O’ POWAH!!! has completely failed to make any kind of impression among the viewers and the fanbase. The analysis was very good, as you would expect from him, but toward the back end of the video, Gary made the solid point that “Tolkien is METAL AS F**K!”:

He then goes through a long list of points explaining exactly why this is so. And he is absolutely correct.

It does not matter where you start with Tolkien. The whole legendarium is seriously METAL. You could very easily create many albums telling the epic stories that Tolkien crafted, using soaring vocals, heavy shredding guitars, thumping bass, and pounding speed-metal drums with prodigious use of double-kicks. Several metal bands have done precisely that, over the past several decades, and have done it very, very well – BLIND GUARDIAN is arguably the best of them, and others like BATTLELORE play almost nothing but Tolkien-metal.

The irony involved here is, of course, that the Master himself was a devout Catholic, who no doubt would have preferred choral hymns and Gregorian chants to what he probably would have called “infernal noise”. Yet, all you have to do, is to look at the composition of the legendarium to see just how much material there is to work with.

Just take The Silmarillion, for a start, and LOOK at how much epic material there is.

The creation of Arda. The songs of the Ainur. The deception of Melkor, the destruction of the Two Trees, the horrors of Ungoliant, the Balrogs appearing at Morgoth’s screamed imprecation. The dreadful and terrible oath of Fëanor, that doomed his entire line to a hopeless quest and permanently shattered the unity of the High Elves. The Kinslayings. The crossing of the Helcaraxë. The capture and imprisonment of Maedhros upon a cliff in Thangorodrim – after Morgoth bound him there with a band of unbreakable steel – and his subsequent rescue by Fingon atop one of the great Eagles. The epic quest of Beren and Luthien, which resulted in the defeat of Sauron in the form of a wolf and him fleeing the battle in the form of a vampire bat. The Battle of Unnumbered Tears. The Fall of Gondolin. The War of Wrath, which utterly destroyed and ruined most of Beleriand, and in which the vast towers of Thangorodrim shattered when Ancalagon the Black’s broken corpse fell upon them.

Just describing these things gives you a sense of epic scale, vast scope, and incredible storytelling. We haven’t even gotten to the Akallabêth, the story of the downfall of Númenor, which is essentially a reworked version of the legend of Atlantis. (Which might just be a lot more real than a legend, in our own human history, but that is a discussion for another time.)

And then we get to the main stories of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. There is so much to work with in those books that you could easily spend your entire career as a metal band riffing on those stories – if only the Tolkien estate would let you, which they won’t.

I mean, in the Second Age, Sauron captured Celebrimbor, the grandson of Fëanor, through Curufin, and tortured him to death. Sauron then hung Celebrimbor’s body, shot through with arrows, as a battle-standard on a pole, which he brandished in front of his armies when Sauron attacked the Grey Havens.

If that ain’t METAL AS F**K, then nothing is.

I point all of this out to note one simple fact:

The people behind The Lhurrd of the Rangz abomination that now shows on Amazog, had all of this incredible backstory, all of these amazing themes of the war between good and evil. And instead, they focused on turning Galadriel into some sort of warrior-princess – which she NEVER was in the books – while bringing in all sorts of Feikh & Ghey characters that had NOTHING to do with the world that the Master created.

We know why the two morons in charge of the show did this. We know why Amazog greenlit it. And we know why all the retards among the right-on critic set loved it. They all hate the Good, the Beautiful, and the True.

There is little that is more in line with those three things, than the Master’s work. The reason why, is because Tolkien set out specifically to create a romanticised fairy-tale version of England, built on his background as one of the world’s greatest scholars of languages, informed through the lens of his intimate knowledge of Scandinavian mythology, and transformed through his deep Christian faith.

His work is not perfect – far from it. The language tends toward the pedantic and turgid (yeah, I know, look who’s writing), the pacing is all over the place, and don’t let’s get started on the sheer ridiculousness of that notoriously stupid charge of mounted cavalry against entrenched archers in cover in The Return of the King, where Faramir’s band met its end.

Yet it is precisely the imperfections that make Tolkien’s work human, epic, and amazing.

The people behind the Amazog show could have taken their cue from those attributes. They failed. Instead, they injected their own political views and ideologies into something that is anti-ideological to begin with.

This explains exactly why the show has failed. The actual Tolkien fanbase hates it – I have never watched a single episode, and probably never will. The woketard moron critics are fair-weather friends at the best of times, and they have abandoned the show. DEM RANGZ O’ POWAH!!! is nothing more than a billion-dollar dumpster fire that has failed on every possible level, and now should be put to a swift and merciless death.

In the meantime – keep in mind, I wasn’t kidding about how good some of the Tolkien-based metal really is: