No matter how good one’s life, no matter how much God has given us through His grace and mercy, there are days when men like us wonder why we are on this Earth. We struggle to understand our true purpose in life, our mission. It happens to the best of us, and it can result in some very long and very dark nights of the soul.

For those of us over a certain age, who are unmarried and have no children, those nights can be very bleak indeed, because we have to come face-to-face with the spectre of Death itself.

This is not in a literal sense, at least not for most. But there is always a moment for each of us when we look into the far future – and we see an empty nothingness.

That is terrifying, because it forces each of us to confront a dreadful yet fundamental truth:

WE DO NOT MATTER.

By this, I mean that, for literally 95% or more of all men, our deaths will not have changed ANYTHING in this world. Humanity will not have been made any better, or worse, by the fact of our existence. We will have accomplished nothing worthy of commemoration or remembrance. We will have done nothing worthy of songs, poems, novels, or biographies.

Most of us will live without having made any significant or meaningful contribution of any kind to the world. Our names will die with us, and we will go to the yawning emptiness of the grave in the certain knowledge that the world will continue on without us, heedless of our life or death, uncaring and pitiless.

Not for nothing is it written in the Book:

By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.

— Geneis 3:19, English Standard Version

Now, there is fundamental difference between what matters to the world, and what matters to God. That which matters to men, makes little to no difference to God. And that fact can, and should, bring considerable comfort to those of us who find ourselves wondering why we are here, and what we are doing. Once you find the purpose that God intends for you, then there is no reason to doubt or worry.

The problem, of course, lies in finding that purpose. Suffice to say, it is not easy, at all.

Most of us have to go through multiple attempts, resulting in considerable and painful failures, before we land on the purpose that truly matters, and which fills our lives with meaning and value. Prayer in the dark watches of the night helps, but merely asking God to tell you what He wants from you, is very unlikely – at least, in my experience – to give you anything approaching an answer.

If my own forays into this area are any indication, God rarely, if ever, simply tells you what to do. Rather, He opens up opportunities for you to figure out the answer for yourself. Because He loves us and respects our free will, He does not simply command us to do X, except in fairly rare and unusual circumstances – Saul’s conversion on the road to Damascus, and the opening of his eyes by Ananias, is one such example.

So the way to find this purpose, such as it is, involves praying for guidance and wisdom, but such prayer must come with an openness to the things the Lord puts in front of you. And He will do so – quite likely at a time and a place where you are not ready, and probably when you do not want to see it.

For, if my interactions with His Hugeness provide any sort of evidence base, God excels at putting opportunities in front of us when we least expect it, and in a way that forces us to make what are, at the time, seemingly impossible choices.

This happened to me more than 8 years ago. I lost my job in the US, and that forced a hard reset on my entire life. It was an extremely traumatic event that destroyed a lifestyle I had spent 12 years building. I had to move countries and continents, and I had to live with my parents for extended periods of time – which did neither side any particular good, in all honesty, and I am deeply sorry for the difficulties and burdens I placed on my parents throughout those very difficult few years that I was with them.

It took a year for me to get to the point where I could forgive those who had nuked my life there, for what they had done. It took even longer before I could forgive myself for the part I played in my own downfall.

Then the Plandemic happened, which put any plans I might have had about starting over, completely on hold, while I was “stranded” in Russia – in reality, it was actually a lot of fun, and (for the most part) I thoroughly enjoyed that summer, looking back.

Since early 2021, I have slowly, painstakingly, worked hard to get back to where I was a decade ago. I am still not there yet.

But I accumulated immense treasures in the process. I learned how to deal with life’s vagaries in a way that those around me could not. When the lockdowns came, I felt their impacts far less than others did – because for me, I had learned how to enjoy my own company, and pursue my own ends. And I gained a wealth of experiences from travelling all over the world. I learned a new language, and made friends in Eastern Europe who are with me for life. I now have the ability to act as a bridge between cultures and continents in a way that others simply cannot.

Yet, from another point of view, that is ten years of time lost while my peers and schoolmates and friends moved on with their lives, advanced in their careers, gotten married, had (and lost) families and children, and generally made something of themselves.

I have done none of those things.

My life is, from the viewpoint of the material world, a failure. It is meaningless.

This is not at all an uncommon refrain. Many men my age and younger – and more than a few who are older – can say the same or worse about themselves.

It is not surprising that so many men simply give up and fade out of society in the Western world – and, increasingly, in the Eastern one as well. These are men who did exactly what they were told to do. They worked hard in school, got good grades, went to university, achieved a solid professional career.

Many of these men worked hard to improve themselves, too. They went to the gym, got into decent shape. They worked on their mental and emotional well-being, making themselves stronger, tougher, more resilient, more capable. They built out their interests, hobbies, and skills, and adopted healthy, sensible habits.

And all it got them, was a world that hates them and wants to see them destroyed.

It got them long-term toxic relationships with batshit crazy women who take everything and give next to nothing back.

It got them jobs and careers that go nowhere and build nothing. Consulting and financial services are fun, for a while, but they do not generate long-term value – yet that is precisely where the “money” goes.

This is the very picture of Hell. It is existential despair writ large. And it is one with which many, if not most, of my readers can identify.

How many of you have been married to a woman who started off sweet and loving, but then pulled the pin in the divorce-grenade a few years, or even decades, later, because she was unhaaaappy? How many of you have seen their sex lives dwindle down to nothing, destroying their sense of worth and value, as the women they are with demand ever more and give ever less? How many of you have given everything you had at work to a company that then turned around and treated you like shit?

This, I repeat, is not unusual. It is normal today. And, given where global energy and food markets are going, it is going to get worse, not better.

The question is, what do we do about it?

For the first time in a very long time, I have to admit:

I do not know.

I must admit, this is terrifying.

Faith alone no longer seems to be sufficient. Answers do not come easily from prayer. God is silent, allowing us to reap the consequences of our own failures and sins.

The old ways no longer work. They have not worked for the better part of three decades.

Simply telling men to work harder, go to church, wife her up, and be better, is Boomering of the absolute worst and most relentlessly retarded kind. Our churches are filled with corruption and malice, our women are fallen beyond any hope of redemption, and our employers are looking at the global economic situation and saying to themselves, “holy f***ing shit!”.

The answer, if there is one at all, looks like it lies in building communities around ourselves. This is harder for some than others. The most introverted among us dislike people to an almost extreme degree. Showing vulnerability of any kind in society is an invitation to be exploited and destroyed. Our governments treat any attempt by men to create independent brotherhoods and communities as exhibitions of subversive and even treasonous behaviour.

But it looks to me like the only sensible answer. Whether in online or – preferably – real-world form, men have to come together and anchor our lives around Christ Jesus as the focal point of our faith.

This does not necessarily mean going to church. Most Western churches are hopelessly corrupt and cucked-out. Most Protestant denominations are part of the Synagogue of Satan – and the Catholic Church is not very much better. The Eastern Orthodox church seems to be doing all right, but it has significant doctrinal flaws that make it, essentially, a slightly less works-based approach to Christianity than the RCC or the Anglicans.

It simply means that we, as men, must accept that individually, we do not matter, and our lives are of little consequence in the broad scheme of things – but, collectively, we make each other better. We force each other to improve. We build each other up, and we warn each other away from the temptations of wine, women, and song, that so easily corrupt and destroy us.

So, make the effort to contact a man you know, whom you have not spoken with in a long time. Build that connection again, however tenuous. If you see a brother struggling, help him to carry his own burden, as only men can – with ribald jokes, amusing anecdotes, and fireside talks.

Go hunting, fishing, walking, running, lifting – whatever. Touch grass. Eat real food – in the company of real men. Do what is necessary to get out from your own head and your own problems.

And trust that, through these means, God will open up the opportunities to do His will – as He always does.