Monday. Eugh.
Well, let’s make the best of it.
And this week, actually, there is a lot of good stuff, because this post is basically a big collaboration between me and our friend The Male Brain, who sent over a whole bunch of videos about all the things wrong with the James Bond franchise of late:
And that ties in nicely with our man Razorfist’s utter demolition of the wokefest that will be the next James Boned flick:
Now, I’m going to write something truly sacrilegious here.
I actually liked Daniel Craig’s portrayal of Bond in Casino Royale and even Quantum of Solace – though that second movie was a train-wreck toward the end.
The reason for that was because the film was hit by the Hollywood Writers’ Guild strike of 2007-08, which resulted in a disconnected and weirdly rushed film where the ending didn’t make a whole lot of sense relative to the beginning.
But, I thought that Daniel Craig did a pretty good job of breathing new life into the series. He went from an arrogant but lethally skilled assassin, to a broken man on a quest for vengeance, to finding some small measure of absolution.
And then it was all wasted with Skyfall.
Instead of becoming a tempered and keenly honed weapon with all of 007’s trademark lethality and none of his original weaknesses, the Craig version of Bond became a sullen, brooding, ageing, and monotonous bore.
And that is before we get to the last film in the series, SPECTRE.
Good God, what an unwatchable film that was.
They tried to bring back the silly, campy version of Bond with that one. But they failed utterly. The whole thing was boring where it needed to be lively, stupid where it needed to be intelligent, absurd where it needed to make sense, and bloated where it needed to be taut and lean.
If Daniel Craig’s 007 has now been replaced as an agent by a black ass-kicking woman who seduces men, then there is simply zero point in watching it. I wasn’t planning to before I heard that news, and I sure as shit won’t be watching it now, or any other future Bond film that follows this same stupid woke template.
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On a related note, and also from The Male Brain:
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For those of you who want to know how to command absolute loyalty from your proteges and crush any upstart young subordinates… look no further than MAD Men:
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If you are an IRON MAIDEN fan, then you will know quite a lot about the history of the greatest band of all time, but if you don’t, these official documentaries are well worth watching:
The thing that really jumps out at you is the sheer bloody-minded work ethic of those guys. The only band that I know of which worked harder than them, did more gigs than them, is probably RUSH – and they were amazing for pretty much the same reason as MAIDEN are. They marched to the beat of their own drummer (quite literally, in both cases), and took no shit from anyone, and did things the way that they wanted to.
That is why those two bands are the most highly respected and revered in their genres, anywhere, by everyone. Even if you don’t like these bands, as a metalhead or a rock fan, you respect them.
As for me, well, the stories, the artwork, the music, the camaraderie, the sheer joy on the faces of all of those fans…
That is why I love that band.
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You know it’s all gone Pete Tong when the Swedes, of all people, start talking about eating your dead relatives to combat “climate change”:
At a summit for food of the future (the climate-ravaged future) called Gastro Summit, in Stockholm on Sept. 3 to 4, a professor held a PowerPoint presentation asserting that we must “awaken the idea” of eating human flesh in the future, as a way of combating the effects of climate change.
In a talk titled “Can You Imagine Eating Human Flesh?”, behavioral scientist and marketing strategist Magnus Soderlund from the Stockholm School of Economics argued for the breaking down of ancient taboos against desecrating the human corpse and eating human flesh.
He refers to the taboos against it as “conservative” and discusses people’s resistance to it as a problem that could be overcome, little by little, beginning with persuading people to just taste it. He can be seen in his video presentation and on Swedish channel TV4 saying that since food sources will be scarce in the future, people must be introduced to eating things they have thus far considered disgusting—among them, human flesh.
Easier sells he suggests include pets and insects, but human flesh was the central topic. In Swedish articles describing this new debate, the term “mannisko-kotts branschen” is introduced. This means “the human flesh industry.”
In his bio at the Stockholm School of Economics, Soderlund states that his research focus includes “consumer behavior,” “marketing stimuli,” “loyalty, emotions, justice perceptions,” “psychological reactions,” and “in a society increasingly obsessed with consumption.”
People can be “tricked,” Soderlund teases, into “making the right decisions.”
Conflating resistance to eating human flesh with capitalist selfishness, the seminar’s talking points ask:
“Are we humans too selfish to live sustainably?
“Is cannibalism the solution to food sustainability in the future? Does Generation Z have the answers to our food challenges? Can consumers be tricked into making the right decisions? At GastroSummit, you will get some answers to these questions—and also partake in the latest scientific findings and get to meet the leading experts.”
In his talk, Soderlund asks the audience how many would be open to the idea. Not many hands go up. Some groaning is heard. When interviewed after his talk, he reports brightly that 8 percent of conference participants said they would be open to trying it. When asked if he himself would try it, he replies, “I feel somewhat hesitant but to not appear overly conservative … I’d have to say … I’d be open to at least tasting it.”
Turns out that Soylent Green was a documentary, not a sci-fi movie. That Swedish academic there would have fit in perfectly with the Donner Party. If a group that he is in ever faced a similar situation, I hope they eat him first.
In the meantime, why let a good meme go to waste?
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The memes surrounding “Bomb ‘Em!” John Bolton’s ouster from the Administratum of His Most August, Benevolent, and Legendary Celestial Majesty, the God-Emperor of Mankind, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus, have been quite hilarious:
Trump: “Hey John, can you come in here a sec? Shut the door.”
Bolton: “What can I do for you, Mr. President?”
Trump: “John, I mustache you for your resignation.”
Bolton:
— Siraj Hashmi (@SirajAHashmi) 10 September 2019
John Bolton exit interview. pic.twitter.com/j6KvPzWpqh
— Robert A George (@RobGeorge) 10 September 2019
I can’t wait to watch how the MSNBC panels explain their newfound respect for John Bolton.
— J.P. Freire (@JPFreire) 10 September 2019
Time to speculate about Bolton’s replacement, I guess. pic.twitter.com/i4FSalKPNr
— Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg (@TheRaDR) 10 September 2019
I will not comment on these rumors I have been asked to replace John Bolton
— Jack Posobiec 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) 10 September 2019
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Memo to anyone with a brain – HOLLYWEIRD HATES YOU:
Here’s the trailer that Paul Ramsey was referring to:
Look at that epic dislike-to-like ratio. Hollyweird is discovering, very much the hard way, that if you hate your audience, sooner or later, they will hate you right back.
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And now for your movie review of the week – on top of the entire stack above:
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Good old PJ has some very trenchant, and sobering, things to say about this new trend of “pod renting”:
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Speaking of cucks – here is your Churchian of the Week:
I am nobody’s idea of a good Christian. I’ve got plenty of sins to answer for myself. It is going to be very unpleasant when it comes time to face my Creator and getting a rundown of everything I did wrong during my time on His Earth.
But, as bad as I am at being a Christian, I hope and pray that I never wuss out like a supposedly brave NFL player like Drew Brees did when it comes to standing up for what is right.
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If you are a Chinese guy, in China, the likelihood of getting a woman and having a family is… well, pretty low these days.
So, what is a horny Chinese guy to do?
Get girls from Burma, of course!:
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One of my favourite TV shows ever, Last Man Standing, was resurrected back in 2018, much to the joy of longtime fans like me. And it looks like the comedy is every bit as politically incorrect as ever now that the show is on FOX:
I really loved that show, but after I “cut the cable”, I could only watch it on Netflix. And then those !@#$%^&* at ABC cancelled the show, and it was pulled from Netflix after Season 5 – which, of course, I never managed to get around to watching.
And now it’s on FOX… and not on Netflix.
I’m giving serious thought to cancelling my Netflix subscription too, actually. There aren’t that many good shows on it, and the fact is that the people who run that company genuinely hate shitlords like you and me.
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Your Unintentional Stand-Up Comedy of the Week:
Jeremy Corbyn is an unreconstructed Marxist, make no mistake, but he does know a thing or two about how to debate.
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Does anyone remember a classic 90s Hanna-Barbera cartoon named The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest?
I sure do:
I haven’t watched that cartoon in… well, actually, damn near 20 years. Boy, does that video bring back some memories…
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Meghan Markle lost her sparkle:
It took about 6 months longer than I expected, but I did totally call this one.
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Ann Coulter being… well, herself, at the Oxford Union:
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Product management, Pentaloon style:
The Pentagon Wars is based on a book by a former Air Force Colonel who was a disciple of a certain Colonel John Boyd – you may recall the name – and helped make the Bradley Fighting Vehicle less… well, actively stupid.
I don’t have any idea whether the Bradley is any good these days – no doubt those of you who read this and served in God’s Own Army within its heavy infantry divisions can tell me. But from what I understand of its development history, like so many other things that came out of the Five-Sided Wind Tunnel, it was a great idea before the never-to-be-sufficiently-damned Pentaloons got their hands on it.
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Yep, modern art BLOWS:
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Anyone up for some seared beef?
A lightning bolt has killed 23 cows after it hit one and then traveled along a metal fence the others were standing next to.
Disturbing footage shows the animals, which have scorch marks on their stomachs, lying in a row on a farm in Texas after a thunderstorm.
Rancher Bobby Woody III said it was one of the ‘wildest and craziest’ things he had ever witnessed.
‘When the lightning hit, it had such strong voltage, it basically jolted one cow in the middle of the field,’ Woody wrote on Facebook.
The picture that went along with the story is amazing – well, if you’re a human, less so if you’re a cow:
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New songs from THE HU, everybody sit up and take note:
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Classic PommieBastardLand comedy time:
I couldn’t resist adding one more classic Blackadder clip – because it is one of the very few examples of a comedian walking on-screen and completely upstaging Rowan Atkinson, which is exactly what Rik Mayall managed to do as Lord Flashheart:
Moving from Blackadder to Yes Prime Minister:
“I don’t know what you don’t know” – classic line.
But perhaps the best clip, out of all of them, has to do with explaining the European Economic Community:
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Wazzocks gonna wazzock:
I have to say, watching a B-52 BUFF get cut to pieces was really difficult to watch. Those big bombers are a special kind of ugly and terrifying at the same time.
Anyone who can drift a bendy-bus on a wet track is a damn LEGEND.
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The troll is strong with this one:
I know that speech from Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT) dates back a while, but holy shit it is funny. I just wish we could have seen the other Senators either turning purple with rage (if they were Daemoncrats) or rolling in the aisles laughing hysterically (if they were Republicans).
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Pics, girls, guns:
“I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!!!”
For some reason, Floriduh Man appears to be on holiday this week – I’m guessing that the near-miss from that Cat 5 monster of a hurricane last week might have something to do with it. Nonetheless, here we are with some great headlines.
Your Allahu Akbar of the Week:
Your Happily Ever After Moment of the Week:
I used to work near the Wall Street Bull – a couple of blocks away, in fact. I’d love to know how the Hell someone managed to damage it with a banjo:
Maybe he played “Nothing Else Matters” by REKTallica on the banjo? I know that song would damage my mood, since I hate it.
Your Karma is a Bitch Moment of the Week:
Your Keep and Arm Bears Moment of the Week:
If we ever run out of Floriduh Man moments, we can always turn to his Hokey Okie cousin:
Well…
If we’re talking strictly about comic strips, then the only realistic contender is Dilbert, and that has limited appeal relative to Calvin & Hobbes.
But if we’re talking cartoons, then I’m sorry, but NOTHING beats out Tom & Jerry, and ain’t NOBODY gonna change my mind on that one.
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Your dog of the week is the Sulimov dog, which is a crossbreed between a jackal and a dog:
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For your gym fails this week, let’s do something a little different.
Here, Alan Roberts – GODDAMN!!! – has some very interesting, and surprisingly PG-rated, things to say about the best ways for morbidly obese people to lose weight:
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Time for some serious gym BEASTS to squat some seriously heavy shit:
Now, before the Form Police all swarm in and try to point out that very few of those squats were down to parallel or deeper, let me just say a couple of things.
First, I am very much one of you guys – got the badge and everything. As far as I’m concerned, for regular lifters, if it ain’t down to parallel or deeper, it ain’t a squat. It annoys the crap out of me when I see guys in the gym “squatting” 135lbs down to like halfway to parallel.
But, second, those guys are NOT regular lifters. If they are squatting 600+lbs down to a bit above parallel, I’m not going to jump in there and tell them off for it. The very fact that they could move SIX HUNDRED POUNDS is pretty amazing in its own right.
Dan Green and Stan “Rhino” Efferding, in particular, are freaks of nature. Don’t get me wrong, they both take quite a lot of Vitamin S, ifyaknowwhatimeanrite, but they are also incredibly strong on their own. And the same goes for the Lilliebridge brothers and others doing lifts there.
Remember that this is not an IPF meet, so the rules are a bit different and so are the judging standards. They aren’t required to use the same kinds of equipment, and the judging for those lifts is what it is. And, of course, they aren’t drug-tested.
So, applying the normal rules of powerlifting to them doesn’t really work here.
If that were an IPF meet, then the only one who nailed all of his squats was Pete Rubish. The scary thing is, Mr. Rubish is actually stronger today than he was back then.
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Speaking of squats, Jeff Cavaliere, perhaps the smartest guy in the entire fitness industry, has some great pointers for you on how to increase your squat safely:
Can confirm. That shit works.
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Ramsey Dewey and his brother watch Master Wong explain how to use a baby pram to defend yourself.
I really can’t put it any better than that. Just watch the video:
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Your Buakaw Beatdown of the Week:
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#ToSingAMetalSong
New UNLEASH THE ARCHERS EP dropping soon:
Sounds really good, a celebration of everything great about Canada – though it’s not one of theirs, it was originally a Stan Rogers song. Now can we please get a sequel to the amazing Apex?
Try to see if you can listen to this next one and keep a straight face:
I couldn’t manage it. At all. The a capella stuff is just too funny.
The jaw harp. It’s f***ing METAL, dude.
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And finally here’s your Instathot. Once again Dawn Pine came through for us in a big way – he actually made this compilation quite a bit easier, so this is really a joint collaboration with him – and found us an Israeli thot who’s just this side of legal and now serving in the IDF.
Good for her, says I.
But, if you look at her face, you’ll quickly realise that she has the usual “I did some not-very-nice things to get to my current position” look. Which frankly is rather depressing, given that she’s only 18. Most 18-year-old girls that I know have a lot more innocence in their eyes at that age.
Anyway, happy Monday to y’all, and now go wash that oxymoron out of your brains by sallying forth and crushing this day.
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