By Beelzebub’s butthole, Mondays seriously stink.
Fortunately, yer very ‘eavy, very ‘umble servant is ‘ere to make it all better via the usual motley collection of vids, links, pics, fails, and a hot thot. It’s a public service that I do here every week, y’know.
We start off with a golden oldie – this animated short from Sony Pictures first hit teh innarwebz 17 (!!!) years ago. And it’s aged reasonably well, actually, especially given the epic flaming shitpile that the STAR WARS franchise has become in the intervening years:
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And now, unfortunately, we must turn to more serious matters, such as the fact that the Mueller investigation has resulted in precisely NOTHING after 2 years of farting around and wasting millions of dollars. Our friend Bill Whittle has the conservative take on the whole thing:
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The best part of our boy Razor’s take on the complete anticlimax of the Mueller investigation is when he goes into his awesome “F*** YOU I WAS RIGHT!!!” dance. I love watching that:
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Good old PJW hits the nail on the head, as usual, about what a joke the entire collusion narrative was from the very beginning, and what utter assclowns the media made out of themselves in the process of pushing it 24×7 for 2 years:
And while we’re on the subject of PJ’s videos, here is one of his best ones of late, concerning the culture wars. He is really very good at making these:
I have to say that I simply will not be able to bear the idea of a holographic version of IRON MAIDEN going on tour. I want the greatest bands of my childhood and teenage years to go out in a blaze of glory in triumphant farewell tours – and then GO AWAY to enjoy their twilight years in comfort, happiness, and well-earned rest.
Paul’s wider point about nostalgia taking priority over innovation is well made. This is a classic sign of a civilisation that has taken its death-plunge into the abyss of its destruction. No matter where you look in history, when a culture stops innovating and starts ossifying, the signs of its inevitable and predictable destruction will become glaringly obvious.
It is abundantly clear that Western civilisation is gasping out its last breaths. It will die if it continues on its present course.
There is only ONE possible way to avoid this terrible fate: a resurgent, muscular, masculine Christianity that drives out all blasphemy, heresy, and scatological stupidity before it, and looks always to the Almighty for guidance, through His Son, our Lord and King, Jesus Christ. That is the only way to avoid a descent into pagan barbarism, or external conquest by stronger and less stupid powers.
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And now here is Mark Dice’s take on the whole Mueller mullering:
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Dennis Prager may well be a neo-Palestinian, and therefore prone to dissembling on a pretty regular basis about “Judeo-Christ”, but he does have a flair for pointing out the lies of socialism pretty well:
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Sci-fi Grandmaster, Living Brain, and Speaker with Morlocks John C. Wright is almost – ALMOST – tired of all of the WINNING!!! that he is seeing. Or at least, he’s getting weary of writing about it all, given how much there has been over the last week:
Mr. Wright’s hypothesis as to the reason behind all of this WINNING!!! is also an excellent read. It just goes to show that all glory belongs to Our Lord, and that we are at our best when we act in clear obedience to the Truth and the Way.
Also, can I just say – how the HELL did the Romans conquer a quarter of the entire planet’s surface and build such magnificent works of public engineering with such an utterly RETARDED numbering system?!?!?
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And here I answer my own question:
Unlike the Greeks, the Romans were not concerned with pure mathematics, such as number theory, geometric proofs, and other abstract ideas. Instead, the Romans preferred utilitarian mathematics. The Romans primarily used mathematics to figure personal and government accounts, keep military records, and aid in the construction of aqueducts and buildings. The Roman numeral system allowed for simple addition and subtraction. For addition, Romans simply lined up all of the numerals from the numbers being added, and simplified. For example, in order to solve the problem 7 + 22, or VII + XXII, the numerals were first arranged in de scending order, or XXVIIII. Because VIIII, or 9, is not in acceptable form, this was changed to IX, the generally recognized manner of writing 9. The correct answer remains, XXIX, or 29. Subtraction can be done in a similar manner by crossing out similar numerals from the two different numbers.
Well, there you are, then.
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If you have not seen Sen. Mike Lee’s (R-UT) speech about the Green Nude Eel on the Senate floor, which referenced some of the greatest memes ever made, you have missed out on some truly spectacular shitlording.
Not any more, though:
That video was part of the reason why John C. Wright was so giddy from all of the WINNING!!!. These are dark times for us, brothers, but that doesn’t mean we cannot have a LOT of fun in mocking the Left.
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After all of that political stuff, I thought it might be worth putting in a few videos that really stir the blood in your veins and make your heart beat faster with the thrill and rage of battle. So we start with one of the most epic parts of the most epic film trilogy of all time – the Ride of the Rohirrim before the walls of Gondor:
Oof. That gets me teary-eyed EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That is what it looks like when men fight the good fight to defend their people, their lands, and their very way of life. That is what it looks like when men fight for the glory of the nation.
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Of all of the HALO game spots, this one is probably my favourite that doesn’t involve the Master (Badass-in-) Chief:
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While we’re on the subject of epic HALO-related stuff – here is a video of someone playing Beat Saber to BREAKING BENJAMIN’s “Blow Me Away” from the original HALO 2 soundtrack:
The moment in the original HALO 2 when that track’s instrumental version starts playing is truly epic. You basically find yourself emerging into a massive antechamber full of Elites, Drones, Brutes, and Hunters, all engaged in an epic all-out brawl as the Covenant rips itself apart in the throes of the Great Schism. Cortana advises you that “you might want to sit this one out”, and then the opening riff from that song plays, along with the thundering bass and drum line.
It’s AWESOME.
I still cannot figure out why the hell they watered down that moment so much in the HALO 2 Anniversary release. I mean, yeah, the graphical remastering looks fantastic, but so much of the emotion and drama of that moment is lost because 343 Industries replaced that epic song with a much softer and more anodyne track. Stupid decision, really.
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If you’ve ever watched a Tim Burton movie… well, you’ve pretty much seen them all:
I have to say, I really liked the original Batman. The sequel, Batman Returns, was a bit over the top and campy for my taste, but Tim Burton’s style and aesthetics for the original were quite amazing. They haven’t aged that well, though; compared with 2005’s Batman Begins, the 1989 film simply did not have the same visceral emotional impact or storytelling.
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Via our beloved and dreaded Supreme Dark Lord (PBUH) – this has to be one of the best and funniest memes involving the God-Emperor of Mankind that has ever been made:
Actually, the original video upon which it is based is even better, in most ways:
I defy you to watch that and not feel a surge of martial pride. It is sung in Hindi, and Ranveer Singh is definitely not the one doing the singing – that’s what Bollywood is like, you have to be able to dance and lip-sync in order to do well there – but it just doesn’t matter. This video reminds Indians, especially those in the northern part of the country, about the masculine strength and power of their ancestors, and it gives them pride in their nation and their identity.
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Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, out-riffs Robin Williams:
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I need to find out where I can buy a sandbox tree and install a few dozen of them around any future yard that I might acquire:
Sandbox tree fruits look like little pumpkins, but once they dry into seed capsules, they become ticking time bombs. When fully mature, they explode with a loud bang and fling their hard, flattened seeds at speeds of up to 150 miles per hour and distances of over 60 feet. The shrapnel can seriously injure any person or animal in its path. As bad as this is, the exploding seed pods are only one of the ways that a sandbox tree can inflict harm.
Dude. That’s awesome. The thing literally grows CLAYMORES.
Every introvert, ever, needs to get one of these things, at bare minimum.
And the bastards have poisonous fruits.
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Pictures from Power Line and other places:
Good on them. If the Aztecs were around today – well actually they wouldn’t be, they would have killed and eaten everyone else before cannibalising their own people. Which, by the way, is exactly what they were doing when the Spanish arrived and started straight-up conquistadoring the shit out of them.
There is a reason why the Spaniards were so appalled by the Mexican natives at the time that they simply slaughtered them wholesale, or enslaved them. They did not believe that people who eat other people for their ceremonial rituals can possibly have souls.
Any honest Christian would have to admit that this is a pretty good point.
And, by the way, do you know what it was that saved the Mexicans from extirpation? It was the Catholic Church. Pope Bl. Paul III issued a papal bull, Sublimus Dei, which stated unequivocally that the natives of the New World do have souls, and that they must therefore be treated as humans and not beasts.
Not, of course, that you will ever hear anyone from La Raza Cosmica admit to any of this – they’re a bunch of lying bastards and tools, and they will do anything that they can to get back what they lost to the white man.
“Does this spacesuit make my ass look fat?”
Eating hummus with chopsticks is actually quite possible… just not very advisable.
Actually, I’m sharing it because we should all point and laugh at Cuckbert De Niro.
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Dog of the week is the bullmastiff:
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Gym idiots time – and we kick off today with a compilation from the great Trap Lord himself:
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This granny has the right idea:
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After all of that insanity, especially the horrid cat-backed deadlifts, let’s take a look at some examples of how good lifting SHOULD be done, by demigods among men:
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Lawrence Kenshin does his usual superb job of breaking down the power and brutal effectiveness of muay thai leg kicks:
There is an important lesson to learn from that video, and it is… that you have to learn your lessons.
I know that sounds really stupid. But the truth of it is undeniable, no matter how clumsy my phrasing is.
“Duke” Roufus initially thought that MT leg kicks don’t take much talent. He was wrong about that and he realised that he was wrong after he went to Thailand to see how MT fighters train. Those guys aren’t just talented – they are absolute beasts who simply do not get tired and do not give up.
So he learned his lessons, publicly admitted that he was wrong, and went on to become a highly successful fighter and coach.
That lesson is critical for all men to understand. Learn from your mistakes. Admit when you are wrong, no matter how painful and costly it is to do so. Ask forgiveness for your mistakes, and try not to make them again.
Seek the small-t truth at all times – so that, when the time comes to serve the big-T Truth, you will be ready.
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#HeavyMetalBreakdown
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And finally here is your Instathot of the day. Yovanna Ventura isn’t really my cup of tea – I prefer Slavic blondes and brunettes and leggy East Asian girls, personally – but that’s just me.
Since it’s April Fool’s Day, I suppose it’s appropriate to end with: “Enjoy your Monday!!!”
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