Monday…
What is the POINT of this most horrid of days?!? And why, in the name of ALL that is holy, does it have to come around once a week?!?
Oh well. We’d better try to make the best of the situation.
So let us start with a language lesson.
Oh, don’t make that face – it’s me, dude. This will be fun – because I’m going to teach you how to swear, really horribly, in three different languages:
Ah, but there is one language where you can drop real bombs in spectacular fashion, and that is, of course, Russian:
By the way, пошёл на хуй literally translates as, “go to a dick”, and пиздец literally means “pussy”.
Also, that list above misses some of the best Russian insults, such as:
курва/шлюха – whore;
бляд на хуй – whore, take a dick;
не трогать мне, суки сын – don’t touch me, son of a bitch (highly ironic and amusing when a mother says this to her son, which I have personally witnessed)
And, of course, there is the perennial favourite:
ёб твою мать!!!
See also:
передай, ёб твою мать, водку!!!
I’ll let you use Google Translate to figure those out. I do try to stay at least slightly clean around here, after all.
***
Speaking of Russians – if you want to bond with Russian guys and be accepted as one of them, you may have to strip down to your skivvies and go into a hothouse.
Now don’t go getting any funny ideas here, but this is actually a good way to break the ice – so to speak – with Russians. The Russian character is rather famously inscrutable, and Russian men in particular have a reputation for being cold and unfriendly to strangers. This is not without merit; the Russians are naturally suspicious of foreigners and treat them with a sort of polite disdain until such time as we prove to them that we are good guests.
A good way to win a Russian’s trust is to go to a banya – sauna, basically – and sweat things out and drink beer.
There are many benefits to this rather odd form of manly bonding, which is quite alien to most people from tropical climates – where we don’t much like saunas and would prefer to stay the hell out of the hot and steamy weather. Persevere, though, and you will get a lot out of it.
You will get a free lesson in Russian – especially in Russian swear words, which are quite hilariously awesome. (Speaking of “awesome” – if you want to shock a Russian girl, in a good way, wait until she asks you how you are doing, and say to her, “охуйенно”. It’s like saying, “I’m doing f***ing great”. If you want to go even further, try “охуйтенная”.)
You will experience why Russians love saunas so much in their frigid winters. Sweat things out for about 15 minutes in the banya, then walk outside into the snow and cold and lie down in the nearest snow bank for about ten seconds, then go dive into the pool – most Russian bathhouses typically have a sauna, a frigid pool, and a warm pool. And repeat, as needed, over the course of about 2 hours. After about the third such experience, you will feel really rather good.
And you will get a chance to engage in that favourite Russian male pastime – drinking. Now, no one in his right mind should ever try to get into a drinking contest with Russians – because he won’t stay in his right mind for all that long. But ultimately, this is the best possible way to get a Russian to accept you as one of his own.
There is no more uncompromisingly loyal friend and ally than a Russian who regards you as one of his own. Once you have earned his trust, he will literally give you the coat off his back to keep you warm.
The problem is that you will likely have to endure some (hopefully temporary) liver damage to get to that point.
The same characteristic, by the way, is true of their women. Earn their loyalty and trust, and the best of them will refuse to leave you as long as you value and honour them. Slavic girls have bad reputations for many reasons – but they are, in my personal opinion, overblown. Don’t get me wrong, if a Slavic girl gets pissed at you, it is literal DRAMA FROM HELL – but if you are enough of an adult, you will be able to handle it, with time and experience.
Whenever anyone criticises Russian or Ukrainian women for being beautiful but ice-cold gold-diggers, I typically respond these days with something along the lines of, “Yeah, but at least they aren’t Western women!!!”.
***
Have you ever found yourself thinking that TED Talks are vacuous, vapid, pointless, and ultimately quite formulaic?
You were right.
***
This is your brain on porn – literally:
***
Alexandria Occasional-Cortex got severely busted for lying her skinny Neiman-Marxist ass off about her origins, and it is a thing of beauty to see:
***
Richard Spencer is a globalist asshat who doesn’t understand video games or why men play them:
***
Brutal Shiv of the Week:
***
Doctor Who gets woke, and of course quite inevitably goes broke:
***
Fox had a look at what the Beeb did with Doctor Who and said, “Hey Limey Bastards, y’all hold my beer and watch this“:
The template-setting 1970s television series Kung Fu will be the next classic property to go the reboot route. A bidding war amongst networks saw Fox emerge victorious, granting it the rights to revive and update the action-adventure drama, which starred the late David Carradine, this time with a new female hero. Moreover, fans of The CW’s DC Comics Extended Universe shows may welcome the notion, since it will feature the involvement of its continuity godfather, Greg Berlanti.
OK, that doesn’t sound so –
However, Berlanti and Mericle will take and updated approach to the Kung Fu reboot series, reportedly centering it on a female protagonist, named Lucy Chang. Like the classic series hero Caine, Lucy is a Buddhist monk and kung fu master who finds herself in America… except during the 1950s, a time that – considering who she is – should provide its own share of aggressors. Yet, like Caine, Lucy is also on a daunting quest, in her case, to search for the man who, years earlier, stole her child. She will pair herself with a mysterious man, named JT Cullen, a veteran of the then-recent Korean War, forming an alliance based on their mutual goals, all while coming to the aid of those they encounter along the way.
Whoo boy, this should be fun to watch. I’ll supply the barbecued meat, y’all bring the beer, and let’s watch this shit BURN!!!
***
I know this is probably going to lose me a LOT of metalhead street cred, but I actually quite like the DIRE STRAITS song, “Sultans of Swing”.
Of course, it sounds much better when metalised:
***
This week in Vegan Triggering 101:
***
The God-Emperor of Mankind, the majestic and leonine Donaldus Triumphus Magnus, is a deeply flawed man and has failed so far to deliver on his most important promise. He has failed to negotiate a true border wall, even though he promised he was a great negotiator. And he has failed, mostly, to stop the immigration crisis that threatens to drown Heritage America in a brown tide from the Dirt World.
That does not stop him from being perhaps the greatest retortician in recorded history:
View this post on Instagram
A post shared by President Donald J. Trump (@realdonaldtrump) on
A post shared by President Donald J. Trump (@realdonaldtrump) on
Honestly, the man is a rhetorical genius. How can we not support him?
Turns out, he’s considering using his broad executive authority to just build the damn thing already:
A post shared by President Donald J. Trump (@realdonaldtrump) on
My only question is: WTF is stopping you, Mr. President? Just do it, and screw the Democrats, cuckservatives, RINOs, and especially the Fake News Media!
***
Pictures from Power Line and other places:
Actually, one of Hollyweird’s best and most talented actors, Keanu Reeves, did exactly that – of his own free will. See, that’s the difference between being a socialist dumbass in a gilded cage in Hollywood parroting all of the right tropes, and actually being a good and decent person.
I know I keep saying this about Hollyweirdos, but… what a bunch of dipshits.
MUDDAPUCKIN’ ‘MURICA!!!
“Moos” *snicker*. Well, let’s be honest, she does look a bit of a cow.
Can confirm. An old friend of mine once said that “Ragnarok” – the Norse term for the end times – sounded like a towel set from IKEA.
Again, can confirm.
Pontiac? What kind of woman calls one of her boobs “Pontiac”?!? What does she call the other one – “Chevy”?
Nice… bullpup.
***
Dog of the week:
That Chewbacca-like thing is called a kommondor, or puli, and it looks exactly like a giant shagpile carpet when you see one on the street – as I did several times when I lived in NYC, and every time I had to do a double-take to figure out what the hell I was looking at.
***
Apparently this song does a great job of dropping a Russian girl’s pants:
Hey, don’t look at me. I don’t get it. I listen to heavy metal for fun.
This song, on the other hand, is apparently much beloved by Russian men, especially those who serve in the police and armed forces:
The story of Сектор Газа is an interesting one, actually. Worth checking out. They were quite a big hit back in the waning days of the USSR – or, as the Russkies themselves would say, Союз Советских Социалистческих Республик, СССР – because apparently they were one of the very few bands that dared to defy the oddly straight-laced Communist authorities on the subject of profanity in their lyrics.
I mean, you would think that a regime so skilled at murdering millions of their own citizens, and exporting corruption, degeneracy, and propaganda to other countries in order to pave the way for worldwide socialist revolution, wouldn’t have too much of a problem with a few F-bombs dropped in Russian now and then. After all, they didn’t have any problems dropping actual bombs all over Afghanistan at the time…
***
It is once again time for some gym idiots and bullshido (unfortunately):
***
And now for a bullshido beatdown courtesy of one of the greatest muay thai legends who ever lived:
***
RIP to a legendary gym beast as well:
***
#HeartOfSteel
I’ve got a whole bunch of symphonic metal stuff here today for a change – which should please my old friend Last Redoubt no end:
I particularly like FROZEN CROWN. Those guys are really good. Seriously fast, heavy, great catchy melodies, lots of complex time changes, clean and powerful female vocals – pretty much everything I approve of in such a band, really.
And of course we end with a classic live track from THE GREATEST BAND OF ALL TIME – also known simply as IRON MAIDEN:
***
It is currently summer in Australia, where the Australian Open tennis championships will soon start up – and where Roger “THE GOAT” Federer will soon have a chance to secure his 21st (!!!!!) Grand Slam singles title.
Because of that, I figured I might look to the Antipodes, the homeland of our good friend Adam Piggott, the Gentleman Adventurer, for some inspiration.
Therefore, the prize for First Monday Instathot of 2019 goes to… “professional surfer” (*snorts* yeah, uh huh, right) Holly-Daze Coffey:
0 Comments