Well, just to be pedantic, I have to admit that she’s a former porn star.

The requirements of precision notwithstanding, it’s interesting to see what it would take to weird out a woman like her. Evidently, some enterprising wags have figured out how to do precisely that.

Think about it. This is a young woman who was once paid to shove both real and artificial genitalia into all of her orifices, and apparently enjoyed her work rather a lot. She had no problem participating in some of the most degenerate male (and female) sexual fantasies, for money. And she isn’t exactly shy about defending her life choices or the industry that she used to work in.

So you’d think that it would take a lot to creep her out. After all, she’s used to having viscous bodily fluids, from multiple contributors, sprayed all over her naked form without so much as a hint of revulsion.

You’d be wrong. (Admittedly, she is an actress. She’s paid to look like she’s enjoying what she’s doing. As far as anyone can tell, she really does enjoy it.)

Quite aside from this, though, the text messages sent by the thirsty men in these exchanges are truly hilarious. Text game isn’t necessarily difficult, but there is a certain degree of artistry required for it- if you don’t know what I mean, ask this guy and he’ll tell you all you need to know. These texts, however, completely lack artistry and exist as textbook examples of how not to grab and maintain a woman’s interest.

That, and they’re just really damn funny.