Try the miserable life of a review attorney these days instead:

1. The First-timer: This person is starting out on their first
project. They’re typically just out of school and fresh from getting
their license. And now they’re going to be paid for their skills! They
almost always overdress for the first day, and are always overly excited
to find out about the case. (Wow, a contract dispute!) They are still
full of hopes and dreams that will soon be crushed.

2. The Gunner: Even the world of doc review has its gunners. They too
overdress for the first day, and attempt to regale any nearby person
with tales of past projects. They always attempt to engage both the
recruiters and outside counsel in personal conversation, and never miss a
chance to remind other reviewers how this project is so simple compared
to others they’ve worked. They also love to ask long, drawn-out
question that are tangential at best to the case, to demonstrate their
own perceived legal knowledge. Their ultimate goal? They want to “carry
the clipboard” and become a team leader, in a desperate bid to show that
though they’ve ended up here, they’re still better than you.

3. The Striver: This person deludes themselves into believing that
standing out and achieving more on a project will result in something
more than being out of a job. “Why, if the average is 50 docs per hour,
and I code 80, why I’m sure the recruiters will give me a line on a real
job. Maybe even outside counsel will recognize my effort and hire me on
as a real attorney!” Hated by co-workers for pushing the average up and
the project length down.

4. The Dreamer: Similar to the Striver, this person thinks they can
“network” through doc review to an actual job, and not just another
project. They can never be persuaded that one does not go from click
monkey to associate. When doing an on-site review, the Dreamer hangs out
in the regular employee’s break areas, attempting to engage the
full-time attorneys in conversation, never realizing that a) they will
never offer him a job, and b) they view him as a click monkey, not as an
attorney, and certainly not as an equal.

Law school: probably the worst decision you will ever make. You’ll leave with 100K in debt and you’ll be just barely qualified to make it as a paralegal, unless you go to a top-tier school. And then you’re facing 90-hour work weeks reviewing and signing off on documents written by people who actually have real jobs.

Not a particularly appealing outcome, it must be said.