As I have openly stated in the past, my taste in music is, of course, superb. I think that by now, we can all agree that I am a true connoisseur of great heavy metal (and great tits).

However, my taste in movies is, I will readily admit, horrific.

Among the movies that I actually like are the first three Michael Bay-directed Transformers films. (You may commence the name-calling and jeering in the comments section below.)

You see, as incredibly stupid and moronic and ridiculous and lazy and over-the-top and absurd and noisy and… well, you know… as they were, there was something at least somewhat endearing about the idiocy. I could watch those films and at least sort of enjoy the mind-bending amounts of craziness being shown.

All of the “gratuitous porny shots of Megan Fox” didn’t hurt either.

The second film wasn’t necessarily any better, but it took all of the fun bits of the first film and kind of tripled down on them. The action sequences were insane, but they were a lot of fun to watch.

It was still madness, but it did what an action blockbuster is supposed to: it forced you to park your brain at home and then took you for a bonkers ride.

But then the third one arrived, and… honestly, I had absolutely no idea what the HELL was going on. Rosie Huntington-Whitely’s increasingly desperate attempts to act didn’t help matters, at all. I did not think that it would be possible for anyone to be a worse actress than Megan Fox, but the Victoria’s Secret model proved me quite wrong.

Now, Hasbro and Paramount and everyone else really should have taken the hint and called it a day with number three. But they didn’t, and then they went and produced Transformers: Age of Extinction, by which time I honestly had absolutely no idea what the series was about anymore.

And now we’ve got ANOTHER ONE OF THESE GODDAMN THINGS to look “forward” to this summer:

As if we needed any possible indication that Hollyweird is just laughing at us nowadays, that is it, right there.

Do yourselves a favour and stay the hell out of movie theatres this summer, and for every summer henceforth. (Except for John Wick 2. That is the one permissible exception– because it is going to be badass.)