It is not often that I refer to a mere YouTube video using such superlatives, but in this case, the statement is probably warranted. The following video explains why chasing what everyone else is chasing, is exactly how you stay mediocre:
If one were to reduce this video down to a single statement, it would be:
Do not be afraid to fail.
This is a difficult statement for most people to process. I can say that as someone who has failed, spectacularly and terribly and repeatedly, in ways that most of you would be hard-pressed to match.
Many of you are familiar with my personal story, about how i came to the USA for grad school and ended up staying there for 12 years. Those were by and large quite happy years and I did well for myself.
Yet there can be absolutely no question that I failed, completely and utterly, to do what I should have done while I was there.
I should have made a move to another company back in January 2018, well before I was let go and lost basically everything.
I should have done everything in my power to find a way to get a green card, outside of the usual corporate process, or failing that, tried to get a better passport somewhere else.
I should have created my own websites and business ventures YEARS ago, not now.
By virtually any sensible measure, my failures have been dreadful, repeated, and astonishingly inept. I have been told in VERY blunt terms by certain people close to me that my failure to secure a green card or Western citizenship, in general, was the stupidest mistake I could ever have made.
And yet… what, exactly, did those failures end up doing to me?
They taught me a lot about what not to do and who not to trust – especially the high-flying corporate management types who smile to your face and sneer to your back.
They made me a lot more resilient and a lot more willing to explore things, ideas, and approaches that I would not have considered before the trauma that I went through – and make no mistake, it was, and still is, hugely traumatic.
They brought me to the point where I had to make a choice between being sympathetic to Christianity, and being an outright participant – and that does make a very big difference in the way you see the world.
The key to losing your fear to fail is to keep the downside minimised, to the extent this is possible.
When you start up your own business, start small – like I am doing now. The first of what I hope will be several websites designed to bring in a steady income stream will go up in the next few weeks. If that fails, then the amount lost in the process will be relatively small.
When you get into a relationship, make sure you do it on your terms, so that if things go wrong, you do not lose more than you can afford to.
The classic application of “managing the downside” is in investing. If you invest in carefully researched stocks offered by companies with solid financials and a great portfolio of products, then you can be reasonably sure that your investments will prosper over the long term. And if you invest money that you can more or less afford to lose, well, you’re golden, because you will not lose any sleep over the way things are going.
Fear always stops all of us from reaching our maximum potential. The best way to overcome it is to start small and gain confidence through success.
Eventually, once you’ve built up momentum through repeated and significant successes, you’ll look back and wonder why you were ever afraid in the first place.
And once you are in that position, well, then nothing and no one owns you. At that point, you are a free man.
6 Comments
That was brilliant and timely for me as I am struggling with what to do right now. I am turning back towards God right now and trying to restore my faith. Rethinking everything.
Would have liked to see this video through the eyes of a Christian. Only thing that would have made it better. Thank you. Jeff
You are most welcome. I agree that it would be useful to see this precise subject through Christian eyes. Perhaps I can oblige in tomorrow's podcast – we will see.
One other thing – you put a name down in your comment, so I published it, but please note that I strongly prefer people to comment under an identifiable handle. Normally I would simply delete an anonymous comment out of hand. Just be aware of that policy when commenting in future.
And here I thought I was one of the few who had to deal with a boss who exhibits psychopathic traits on a daily basis. He's a pathological liar, but I guess there is much worse out there. These kind of people usually become successful quite quickly, because they don't care about failure (still different from not afraid of failing), but they often leave a trail of stinky mess behind them. All of which comes crashing down at the same time one day. This is why I already got help from people who are ahead of me in terms of useful beliefs on productivity, how to get organised, etc. I should have got mentors years ago instead of trying to figure things out on my own.
And here I thought I was one of the few who had to deal with a boss who exhibits psychopathic traits on a daily basis.
Get out of there ASAFP. If you are dealing with a boss with psychopathic traits, you WILL feel drained and poisoned over time, and your health and mental well-being WILL suffer significantly.
I should have got mentors years ago instead of trying to figure things out on my own.
Yes, but then I think pretty much every unplugged man out there says the same thing at one point or another.
The way to deal with this is to become that mentor to other younger men – like I do with my blog. I don't claim to be any good at it, but there is a huge amount of life-coaching experience that men can find here if they so choose.
I am currently working on my exit plan. I have an online business and about to start promoting either this week or the next, so as soon as I start seeing success with it, I'm leaving my boss behind and frankly every other idiot who doesn't know how to run a business well.
The situation with my boss is that he is a pathological liar and a hypocrite. He does not get off on humiliating people, but he often doesn't care about how people feel. He is the complete opposite of the safe space guys/gals, in that he has too little empathy.
You are correct about the psychological toll it takes though. The only good thing about my day job is that it opened my eyes to all the kind of crazy people out there. I thought I saw it all in the army, but I was mistaken. There really are a yyyyuuuuge number of people who have zero meta cognition, and so they pretty much act like sheep or predators who try to chew more than they can.
The Kybalion was right on the karma part. All of the mess that my boss has made in his life will come back and bite him in the ass harder than ever.
I disagree with you on the mentorship part. When I hired people to mentor me, even if it was just a few calls, they helped me out tremendously. They told me exactly what I needed to do for my own situation and so this month I accomplished more than I did for the past two years in terms of working on an online business. You have no idea what you are missing out there if you haven't looked around.
I have an online business and about to start promoting either this week or the next, so as soon as I start seeing success with it, I'm leaving my boss behind and frankly every other idiot who doesn't know how to run a business well.
That's great. If you want some free advertising, shoot me an email with the details of your site and I'll set something up for you.
When I hired people to mentor me, even if it was just a few calls, they helped me out tremendously
Ah, well that's the difference – I didn't get a chance to hire mine ))
Though, come to think of it, my martial arts Grandmaster was and remains the second most influential man in my entire life, right next to my dad, and I used to pay his school a lot of money every year to learn Krav Maga. So I suppose that counts.