“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Gym idiots: Spring Training Edition

Seeing as how we are finally into spring now – though you would not know it based on the temperatures outside, thanks to Al Bore and his Gospel of Manmade Global Warming – I figured it might be time to post up a few good old-fashioned gym idiots pictures...

Brodacity always wins

Our boy Dom tries to figure out what kind of lifter crushes the most ass in his own inimitable style; naturally, hilarity ensues: Oh, I suppose I should have mentioned that it’s kind of a bit NSFW due to the audio. Whoops. Yet again, we powerlifters take an...

ATG or bust

The video below claims that this is “Olympic” lifting versus powerlifting, but the distinction is pretty facile. The actual difference is between proper squatting and half-repping: I may have pointed out before (several times, actually) that...

Punch soyboys in the face

Anybody want to guess what happens when four soyboys decide to try the manly art of beating the ever-loving shit out of other people? Well… this: Oh dear. To me the most telling moment in that entire episode comes from this one little GIF: As I recall, it was an...

And now for some gym idiocy

As we wind down the clock on 2017, it is worth reminding those of us who attend regular prayer services at the Church of Iron, and reverently and diligently obey the Ten Commandments of the Iron God, exactly why it is that those Commandments exist: As I have...

Melt down all Smith machines

Oh really? I have been saying for years that the single most dangerous piece of equipment in any given gym is, and will always be, that spine-mangling, knee-destroying, tendon-shredding monstrosity that all real lifters know and loathe as the Smith...

Still completely and totally retarded

Yet again, just when you thought it was safe to go back into the gym- CROSSFIT STRIKES!!!: Kyrie, eleison. Honestly, what is wrong with people who do CrossShit?!? And, yes, I am well aware that some of my readers do CrossFit. My feelings on the subject are well...

The ones you love to hate

Every disciple of the steel has a pet peeve about the asshats that populate the shrine of the Lord of Iron, our God. If you have ever lifted hard and heavy, then you will recognise these stereotypes immediately: Not, I admit, the best of videos on the subject- Brother...

The basics of gym etiquette

Most of my readers, being manly men of manliness, fully understand how to behave in the church of iron every time they go for regular worship services. There is absolutely no need to remind them of the expected codes of conduct, or the rites to be observed, in the...

The Ten Commandments of the Iron God

Here followeth the Law of the Iron, to be observed and honoured by all disciples of the steel as ye pray in the Temple of the Iron God, the Holiest of Holies, the Squat Rack. Remember these Commandments and do not fail to heed them, for the wrath of the vengeful Iron...