“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

CrossFit: Not Even Once

Your local CrossFit box: where common sense, good form, and GAINS all go to die. I was out yesterday with some buddies from my martial arts school for a few beers, and the CrossFit Question came up. One of the guys is a pharmacist, and he told us that a lot of people...

I had a different stake in mind…

I was attending church services at the temple of the Iron God on Sunday, as usual, when I saw an ad from the Lizard Queen herself pop up on one of the TVs during a CNN commercial break. It had something or other about how there is “too much at stake”,...

Quarter-squat denial syndrome

If you have it, get treated for it right away: If you’re lucky, your local treatment centre (also known as a “gym”) will have a therapy counsellor (also known as “that cranky powerlifter in the squat rack over there in the dimly lit back...

Every word is truth

I want to be pissed off at Dom for telling the truth about powerlifting, but… I just can’t be angry at someone who so brilliantly manages to piss all over powerlifters everywhere: I don’t know what the funniest quote is: “That’s all...

Watch and weep

There are no words… I can’t quite tell what is the best (worst?) moment in that entire bunch: The dude wearing a PINK lifting belt (?!?!?) doing half-squats, dropping the bar, and then destroying a cheap squat rack in the process; The oblivious and...

Gym idiots: Exterminatus edition

January is, of course, the least favourite month of every gym rat on the planet. This is when all of the noob lifters come in after making their New Year’s Resolutions to “lose weight” and “be healthy” and “look good”, etc....

The BroScience guide to deadlifts

Just sit back and let your mind absorb the explosion of bro-ness: About the highest compliment that any comedian can be paid is that his material is almost as funny as the brilliant heavy metal mockumentary, This is Spinal Tap. That film is, hands down, the funniest...

You can’t cure stupid

Infinite Elgintensity does his usual bang-up job of mocking CrossSh*t’s unforgivably cavalier attitude toward sanity and safety: Injuries from the Washed Up Loser Olympics (2015) by InfiniteElgintensity Wow. Just… wow. If you’ve ever wondered why I...

Jackassalope

For iron addicts like me, the absolute worst thing about coming back from a long and rather pleasant vacation is the fact that sooner or later, we have to get back into the gym and start working out again. This is a very painful and depressing experience, because...