“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Monday morning racist red men

It is a Law of Nature that Mondays just plain suck. We all know it, and we all have to find our own way to deal with it. Or, you could just let your old pal the Didact help you out. What I do here is a true public service, after all. And in this case, let’s get...

Monday morning haemorrhoid ointment

I’ll bet $20 that you didn’t expect to start your Monday by looking at a headline like that, eh? Today, though, it’s quite appropriate, because I finally got around to checking out our friend Terrence Popp’s EPIC breakdown of Jeff...

Monday morning Freudian slip

OFMIM. And, as always, yer ‘umble servant is ‘ere to ‘elp you through it. We start this week off with a dissection of Freudian analysis. (Yes, I know, you’re hungover and grumpy, I’ll try to keep this as painless as possible.) Sigmund...

Monday morning code compiling

Mondays just plain SUCK, man. And this one, in particular, seriously sucks if you were once employed at Buzzfeed, Verizon’s various media divisions, or Gannett, up until last Friday. Of course, for the rest of us who don’t hate Heritage America,...

Monday morning birdie blaster

Mondays just suck, as a general rule, and this one is certainly no exception. Fortunately, I have plenty of distractions to cheer you up today. Bird-killers, movie trailers (for a good movie, not the usual Pedowood shit), political commentary, British comedy,...

Monday morning freedom fries

Tell me why I don’t like Mondays… (Or Bob Geldof, for that matter.) Well, seeing as it is Monday, we might as well start off with people who probably had a worse weekend than you did. In this case, that would be… the French. Yes, the French. The butt...

Monday morning cussword class

Monday… What is the POINT of this most horrid of days?!? And why, in the name of ALL that is holy, does it have to come around once a week?!? Oh well. We’d better try to make the best of the situation. So let us start with a language lesson. Oh,...

Monday morning party poppers

Normally, Mondays really, really stink. But in 2018, we have been inordinately lucky. This year, Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve have both fallen on Mondays, and this is very much to the good. So instead of the usual bitching and moaning about how...

Monday morning Christmas carols

Oh nuts, it’s Mon – What’s that you say? “Didact, cheer up, it’s Christmas Eve!” Wa-hey, you’re right! That means that tomorrow is the single best day of the year. And I have to say, I’m truly chuffed to bits about...

Monday morning death by divorce

Monday. Bugger. Well, look on the bright side: if you are reading this, you are not waking up on a Monday morning in North Korea. Also – consider yourself lucky that you are not this guy: A Russian billionaire embroiled in Britain’s costliest divorce has...