“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Monday morning hangover hitch

Monday usually feels a lot like this: And there are good reasons for that. Yesterday was St. Paddy’s Day, which is basically an excuse for girls to put on green shit and get drunk: This Monday, in particular, feels even worse than most, because of what happened...

Monday morning stomach bug

Oh what a miserable Monday… And for me it’s more miserable than most, because I spent all of yesterday in the throes of a very nasty stomach infection of some kind, which carries on through to today. It’s going to be a few days before I’m in...

Monday morning martyr-bride madhouse

Mondays are a real bear, dude. And I say that as someone who is called a bear by my own parents and sister. Fortunately, I have your usual hair-of-the-dog to help you get through this miserable day, in the form of links, videos, funny pics, a dog, some great...

Monday morning Downfall dolour

Mondays suck no matter where you are, especially if you’ve been struck down with consumption for the past week – which I was. There is some sort of nasty strep infection running around that causes you to feel like you’re coughing your lungs out...

Monday morning racist red men

It is a Law of Nature that Mondays just plain suck. We all know it, and we all have to find our own way to deal with it. Or, you could just let your old pal the Didact help you out. What I do here is a true public service, after all. And in this case, let’s get...

Monday morning haemorrhoid ointment

I’ll bet $20 that you didn’t expect to start your Monday by looking at a headline like that, eh? Today, though, it’s quite appropriate, because I finally got around to checking out our friend Terrence Popp’s EPIC breakdown of Jeff...

Monday morning Freudian slip

OFMIM. And, as always, yer ‘umble servant is ‘ere to ‘elp you through it. We start this week off with a dissection of Freudian analysis. (Yes, I know, you’re hungover and grumpy, I’ll try to keep this as painless as possible.) Sigmund...

Monday morning code compiling

Mondays just plain SUCK, man. And this one, in particular, seriously sucks if you were once employed at Buzzfeed, Verizon’s various media divisions, or Gannett, up until last Friday. Of course, for the rest of us who don’t hate Heritage America,...

Monday morning birdie blaster

Mondays just suck, as a general rule, and this one is certainly no exception. Fortunately, I have plenty of distractions to cheer you up today. Bird-killers, movie trailers (for a good movie, not the usual Pedowood shit), political commentary, British comedy,...

Monday morning freedom fries

Tell me why I don’t like Mondays… (Or Bob Geldof, for that matter.) Well, seeing as it is Monday, we might as well start off with people who probably had a worse weekend than you did. In this case, that would be… the French. Yes, the French. The butt...