“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

He who smelt it…

I was on my way to the gym today when I saw the headlines concerning #FartGate, and promptly dissolved into helpless paroxysms of laughter: Democrats’ efforts to impeach President Donald Trump are going over with the public like a juicy, wet fart. Seriously. Such wind...

The Thot Quotient

To quote the immortal words of the great and wise philosopher Jeremius Clarksonius (c. 2006 AD), “I went on the internet, and I found this:” Gentlemen of South Asia, this is what happens when y’all live your whole lives without a proper understanding...

FREDO!!!

I’m a bit late to this particular party, as usual, but it would appear that Chris Cuomo – brother of the current Governor of Noo Yoark, son of previous Governor Mario Cuomo, and currently working as an anchor at the Clown News Network – got a bit...

Thus spake Clarksonius

The great philospoher and wise man Jeremy Clarkson has often stated, and written, that cyclists and bikers should simply work harder and buy a car. Judging by what bicycles have done to China – and Vietnam, and Indonesia, and the inner cities of London and New...

Electile dysfunction

All of that nonsense about “MUH RUSSIA!!!” really was a lot of hooey. And, by the way, if you really want to startle a beautiful Russian girl on a date, tell her that something is in fact a bunch of hooey. The reason for this is that...

“We’re gonna need a bigger clown car”

Just when you thought that the Daemoncrats couldn’t get any more ridiculous, here comes Hizzoner, Da Meiya: I watched what that Commie bastard de Blasio did to New York from 2014 to 2018. Four long years of watching homeless bums spring up like mushrooms all...

Women’s sports stink

So there I was, sitting in a restaurant the other night waiting for our order to arrive, watching a bit of cricket on the TV – they’re absolutely mad about that sport in this country. Now, cricket, in its proper Test form, is possibly the second...

200mph Wall Impact Victim

Does anybody remember an actress and model named Tia Carrere? You may remember her from films like Wayne’s World and the laughably silly action flick Showdown in Little Tokyo, which starred the tragically deceased Brandon Lee and the ridiculously...

Tommy Robinson and the Cannae Envelopment

Tommy Robinson is not a name that I imagine is familiar to most readers who are not from Ye Olde Kingdome of Pommie Bastarde Lande. In Britbongland, though, he has gained quite a bit of notoriety as a “far right extremist” – whatever the hell that...

Don’t date a psychologist

Dating women can be, and often is, a minefield no matter where or how you go about it. Dating a psychologist, however, is like walking into a minefield blindfolded and carrying 100lbs worth of dead weight on your back. Why am I so down on dating women who happen to be...