“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

The Force is strong with this one

What happens when you create a heavy metal band with Boba Fett on drums, a stormtrooper on bass, a TIE fighter pilot and an Imperial guardsman on rhythm guitars, and LORD DARTH VADER HIMSELF on lead guitar? Well, THIS: That ALMOST makes up for how bad Mickey...

Music to make your beard grow

My Alt-Right brethren are, understandably, in something of a mood to burn and pillage these days. We have seen how effective the Viking method of solving problems tends to be when dealing with dyscivic leftists tends to be, after all. With that in mind, and seeing how...

Shorts

It’s been quite a while since I last did one of these, so I figured I might as well take a few moments to put together a few interesting tidbits discovered from across teh interwebz that do not individually merit a full-blown post. And we start with: Dat Ass...

The Eighties are back

And if BATTLE BEAST has anything to say about the subject, they’re bloody well here to stay: These guys opened for SABATON on Friday night, and I have to say, they were BADASS. Normally, any band that hits the stage before SABATON is going to be in for a rather...

Drunken Scottish pirate metal

See, this is why you DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, EVER give a Scotsman the keys to the liquor cabinet: This isn’t, if I’m honest, ALESTORM’s best song- I maintain that is still “Death Throes of the Terrorsquid”, with...

Hail to the hammer

I realise that it is probably rather churlish and distinctly against the Christian spirit of tolerance and forgiveness during the seasons of Lent and Easter to say that I enjoy watching antifags and leftists getting the snot beaten out of them by the mighty...

Stupid, cheesy, and yet…

Undeniably brilliant: Yes, I know, MANOWAR are beyond ridiculous- at least, to American ears. In much of Europe, though, they are revered as pioneers and icons of power metal, and they sound no more ridiculous or absurd than, say, HAMMERFALL or POWER QUEST. Yet...

OK, SERIOUSLY, Japan, WHAT THE F—?!

Just when you thought things couldn’t get more batshit insane than BABYMETAL, here come the Japanese to jump up and down on that idea: … Yeah. I don’t get it either. But I will admit, it’s actually pretty damn good. Here’s a note to...

How do you improve on a classic?

Before continuing with this post, I have to say that I find myself in the odd position of having to apologise for someone else’s cock-up. The reason why this is the first article since Friday, and the reason why my usual Friday T&A segment is missing (which,...

As the IRON FIRE burns

Martin Steene and Kirk Bacharach aren’t exactly household names, even among metalheads, but over the last year or so I have come to greatly appreciate their work in a Danish band called IRON FIRE. The lineup is really a revolving door of musicians with an...