“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Happy HELLOWEEN 2014

It’s that time of year again, when you see guys dressed like idiots and girls dressed like… well, slutty idiots. Not, of course, that I’m complaining; Halloween is one of those holidays that allows us to celebrate the blessings of sexual dimorphism...

Jeremy Clarkson on the Warthog

TOP GEAR+ HALO = OFF-THE-SCALE EPICNESS There are no words to deal with this much TEH AWESOME. (Personally, though, I prefer the M808 Scorpion Main Battle Tank as a way to deal instant and terrible death to one’s enemies. There is nothing quite as effective as a...

How not to get your ass shot off

Listen to Popp, you’ll live longer and it’s good for your mental health: Also, can I just say- “Hot Fuzz” is quite possibly THE FUNNIEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME (that isn’t called “Spinal Tap”, anyway). Share this: Share on X (Opens...

The Second Amendment, in simple English

Trust good old Bill Whittle to put the 2nd Amendment in terms that even the average brain-dead liberal should be able to understand: I especially like what he did when he rephrased the 2nd Amendment in terms of an inalienable right to read books. Try this on the next...

The Speech

On October 27th, 1964, a handsome-looking former actor in his early fifties took to the stage of the Republican National Convention in San Francisco, California. He was there to deliver a message that he, and he alone, had spent years of his life honing on the...

And that’s why he’s the greatest EVER

Roger Federer was in all sorts of trouble against a relatively unknown opponent from Argentina a few nights ago in Shanghai. You can see it all in the highlights- he was muffing shots that normally he would make with consummate ease: Actually, Federer got ridiculously...

The real “no can defend” kick

How do you cartwheel through someone’s face bones while making it look as elegant and yet terrifying as possible? Pretty much like these guys do it: It is hard to think of something that is such a splendid combination of badassery, buttock-clenching terror, and...

Explaining the Porsche 911 range

With boobs and bikinis: And that, gentlemen, is why Top Gear is the greatest TV series OF. ALL. TIME. There is NO discussion on this subject. Not now, not ever. You’re welcome. Share this: Share on X (Opens in new window) X Share on Facebook (Opens in...

Trinity

What happens when you take the three greatest singers in the history of heavy metal, get them all standing on the same stage, and singing a brutal three-minute blowout? Well… this: Hear that? It was the sound of your brain assploding from the sheer...

How not to get punched

Bob, duck, weave, and slip. That’s pretty much it. Oh, and- most important of all- KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN. It’s actually not quite as easy as I make it sound- or he makes it look in that video. If you’ll notice, he uses his hands a great deal to slap or...