“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

So you wanna be an Illuminatus?

Well in that case, you’re going to need the right anthem to get into the correct frame of mind: Thanks, yet again, to my impressively incompetent ISP, this should have been posted yesterday, but wasn’t. Anyway, the point is that, while there are many bands...

The Force is strong with this one

What happens when you create a heavy metal band with Boba Fett on drums, a stormtrooper on bass, a TIE fighter pilot and an Imperial guardsman on rhythm guitars, and LORD DARTH VADER HIMSELF on lead guitar? Well, THIS: That ALMOST makes up for how bad Mickey...

Heeeeeeere’s Ruger!!!

So, let’s say you’re sitting on the couch with your latest gun bunny snuggled up beside you, her firm and lovely breasts pressing into your chest and her head and hair resting under your chin. Pictured: Every man’s favourite gun bunny You’re...

Music to make your beard grow

My Alt-Right brethren are, understandably, in something of a mood to burn and pillage these days. We have seen how effective the Viking method of solving problems tends to be when dealing with dyscivic leftists tends to be, after all. With that in mind, and seeing how...

Hey, that’s Mr. Bean!!!

Over the last several weeks (… well, months, actually), I’ve been binge-watching Seasons 2-17 of THE GREATEST TV SHOW OF ALL T- er, I mean, TOP GEAR*. Last night I was watching Series 17, Episode 4, and the guest for that episode was, of course, the...

Shorts

It’s been quite a while since I last did one of these, so I figured I might as well take a few moments to put together a few interesting tidbits discovered from across teh interwebz that do not individually merit a full-blown post. And we start with: Dat Ass...

The Eighties are back

And if BATTLE BEAST has anything to say about the subject, they’re bloody well here to stay: These guys opened for SABATON on Friday night, and I have to say, they were BADASS. Normally, any band that hits the stage before SABATON is going to be in for a rather...

Drunken Scottish pirate metal

See, this is why you DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, EVER give a Scotsman the keys to the liquor cabinet: This isn’t, if I’m honest, ALESTORM’s best song- I maintain that is still “Death Throes of the Terrorsquid”, with...

Stupid, cheesy, and yet…

Undeniably brilliant: Yes, I know, MANOWAR are beyond ridiculous- at least, to American ears. In much of Europe, though, they are revered as pioneers and icons of power metal, and they sound no more ridiculous or absurd than, say, HAMMERFALL or POWER QUEST. Yet...

Still not tired

The opposition party in the liberal media scored a truly beautiful own-goal (again) when Rachel Maddow attempted to answer a question that almost nobody had ever asked: Instead of getting right to her big scoop about a 2005 Trump tax return she obtained, Maddow opened...