“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

“Great literature”, eh?

Mommy-porn aficionados the world over have been desperately trying to convince the rest of us that Fifty Shades of Grey and its sequels are great literature. Oh really? Try telling me that after listening to Gilbert Gottfried narrate a passage from the first...

“The Fappening” is hilariously appropriate

Hey, look who’s back with yet another indignantly self-righteous piece about how horrible, terrible, no good, very bad, doubleplus ungood men are! OK, admittedly, that describes virtually every single one of Ms. Sanghani’s articles, but this one squarely...

“Idiocracy” was a documentary

That is the only possible conclusion that I think that a rational man can reach after seeing “news” stories like this one: The businessman’s [Didact: “businessman”? Isn’t that a bit of a stretch?] less than pleased reaction to...

Why is this news?

American “football”- or, as the rest of the civilised world calls it, gridiron- is not something with which I ordinarily concern myself. I have no clue how it’s played, I just know that it’s a sort of sanitised version of rugby, played with...

Put your top back on, woman

Blah blah blah feminist statement blah blah small-breasted women something something and would you please put that shirt on again, Keira? To many, it might seem like an odd decision. Keira Knightley, famously private, has posed topless for a fashion magazine. The...

Bonobo-Nose on multiculturalism

The lady with the giant nose and even more impressive lack of perspective is back- maybe that honking great wine-sniffer gets in the way of her field of vision?- and is wondering why we can’t all hold hands and sing kumbaya around the fire: In these...

Buyer’s remorse

From a while back, I know- but it’s becoming clear that the Magic Black President who was supposed to heal everything that is wrong with this country didn’t really work out that way: The trailers were great, but the movie was horrible.  Six years in,...

All the single ladies

… are bloody well going to stay single, judging by what follows. Wanted: Naive, easily bamboozled men willing to put up with massive amounts of female nonsense for the privilege of maybe being able to nail a really hot piece of Brazilian ass once in a...

Go kick the bucket

Aaron Clarey gives the only possible rational response to this stupid ALS ice bucket challenge that’s sweeping the globe, for reasons that I completely fail to understand: Look, I’ll make this really simple. This is a disease that affects a total of up to...

Eros mocks Mars

Repeatedly, thoroughly, and regardless of sex: When Sarah West was appointed the first female commander of a major Royal Navy Warship, she talked about the toll life on the sea had taken on her personal relationships. “There are drawbacks,” she said as she took charge...