“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Other bands play- MANOWAR KILLS!

I love MANOWAR. They’re the stupidest, cheesiest, most over-the-top band on Earth (well… short of RHAPSODY OF FIRE, or whatever those guys are called these days), but they’re still awesome, no matter what: Share this: Share on X (Opens in new window)...

Drummer joke

A rock drummer and avid RUSH fan (that’s kind of redundant, by the way) dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the gates by St. Peter, who proceeds to show him around the place. It’s all very nice and enjoyable, but then the drummer hears something that he...

“Spinal Tap” was reality TV

It is indisputable fact that This is Spinal Tap is the funniest movie of all time. Especially if you’re a major heavy metal/rock nerd, like me. The more you know about rock and metal, the funnier the movie becomes, because you realise that it’s a...

There goes Britney’s voice

And good bloody riddance to it too. At it turns out, jailbait-turned-trailer-trash-mum-turned-(somehow)-Las-Vegas-act Britney Spears cannot, in fact, sing without, shall we say, significant digital assistance: So Britney Spears can’t sing? Quelle surprise, as the...

The wisdom of Bruce Dickinson

There is only one way to describe Paul Bruce Dickinson: The greatest goddamn singer of all time Thing is, he’s also a very funny, very personable, and very wise character in real life. And it turns out that there is far more to Bruce than “just”...

Ditch the deadbeat drummer

If you’ve been listening to heavy metal, or hard rock, for any length of time, you HAVE heard of METALLICA. You HAVE heard, at the very least, the Black Album. If you are a serious metalhead, you have certainly heard their seminal first four albums-...

Dead But Rising

The latest album by Swedish metal-rollers VOLBEAT was released last year. Called “Outlaw Gentlemen & Shady Ladies”, it was actually a notch below its outstanding predecessor, “Beyond Hell/Above Heaven”, but was a very solid chunk of heavy,...

Double bass makes everything better

If you actually bother to listen to mainstream “music”, you may have heard of a song called “Wake Me Up” by a Swedish bloke named AVICII. This song should officially be quarantined by the CDC- damn thing is catchier than crabs. Fortunately, for...

The 101 Rules of Black Metal

An old favourite from way back when I was a teenager- dedicated to the memory of our comrade and brother-in-arms, BRONAN THE BARBARIAN: Don’t be gay. Be “true”. All people who aren’t “true” are gay. Be grim. Be necro. Be...