“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Monday morning Jewish jokes

by | Sep 30, 2024 | Mondays | 1 comment

No subtle stuff here, lads – let’s just crack right on with some of the best (or worst, depending on your point of view) old-school jokes told by Jews, for Jews, about Jews (and Gentiles). A bit of humour is always needed, after all, and ESPECIALLY so on a Monday. So here’s to the members of the (((Tribe))), and their rather peculiar sense of humour.


The Mighty God-Emperor

His Most Illustrious, Noble, August, Benevolent, and Legendary Celestial Majesty, the God-Emperor of Mankind, Donaldus Triumphus Magnus Astra, the First of His Name, the Lion of Midnight, may the Lord bless him and preserve him, straight-up called Heels-Up Harris retarded:

I would go farther and say she does not realise how dumb she actually is.


#BasedTucker is Based


Dawn of Battle

The Male Brain has plenty of great stuff for us this week. We start with a (parody) trailer from The Babylon Bee about Jan 6:

John Stossel has a very fun time smashing through the sheer nonsense of former Labour Secretary Robert Reich’s extremely bad ideas about economics:

More Perfect Union takes on none other than BlackRock, and all the evil shit they have gotten into:

Astrum discusses what the weather will be like next week – basically, quite bad, thanks to Global Cooling Man-Made Warning Change Climate La Nina:


Mind-Expanding Drugs

Your General Knowledge of the Week is from Dawn Pine, via a video from Magical History that explains why Arabs consistently lose their wars:


Death Smiles At Us All…


Poli-Ticking Off

Mark Dice watches through Heels-Up Harris’s first actual sit-down interview, without someone giving her all the answers beforehand, and concludes what most of us did – that she is even more of an affirmative action candidate than Odumbass was back in the day:


The very-thoroughly-married couple at Redacted analyse the Neo-Tsar’s recent revision of Russia’s nuclear doctrine, and conclude that he is absolutely not dicking around (which is true – he ISN’T):

Nima from Dialogue Works interviews Dmitry Orlov on a wide range of subjects, including the potential upcoming BRICS settlement currency, called The Unit:

That new settlement currency is a hugely exciting development – IF they pull it off. Building a new settlement currency is REALLY FRAKKIN’ HARD. You have to put in place an enormous amount of infrastructure to make it work – and that is especially true if that settlement currency is artificial, not organic. Even if this new Unit is actually 40% gold, for example, how are they going to move the gold between countries, and how are they going to verify the gold stores in the BRICS countries using the Unit? These are but a few of the important questions that they will have to sort out.

But, the very fact that they are coming up with ideas like this, tells us the days of dollar dominance are conclusively OVER.


PJW is genuinely concerned about whether the God-Emperor will even be able to make it to Indecision Day, given the sheer number of threats against his life – and the total ineptitude of the Secret Squirrels who are supposed to protect him:

Let none of us be under any illusion: T-Rex is under Divine protection right now. But that is not going to stop every last Swamp Creature from coming after him.


OK, guys, I am REALLY sorry to do this to you, because this next video contains a great deal of Piers Morgan, but it is actually worth seeing that smug Limey twatface getting his face punched in (only metaphorically speaking, I am sorry to say) by the erudite and soft-spoken Prof. John Mearsheimer:


Rulings from the Bench

Judge Nap has his usual all-star panel up and ready for us. We start with Col. Douglas Macgregor, remarking on The Putin’s extraordinary patience in the face of endlessly stupid Western provocations:

LTC Tony Shaffer comments on Bellendsky the Crackhead Narcofuehrer’s trip to the FUSA – and, by some miracle, forgot to call The Putin a “thug”, as he usually does:

Maj. Scott Ritter gets rather a bit animated (so what’s new) on the subject of the Israelis invading southern Lebanon, again:

Pepe Escobar offers up a very interesting preview of what might happen at the BRICS summit in Kazan in the next couple of weeks:


Дед Сварливый Говорит!

Grandpa Grumpuss grumps, grumpily, on the subject of Bellendsky’s absurdly stupid “Victory Plan”:


Polonium

Ania Konieczek talks about the details of acquiring that new Russian migration visa, for those people in the Western nations who are eager to flee the degenerate and dying lands, and go to a country where their values are respected and upheld:

The charming and soft-spoken Ania also, very sensibly, reads out a comment from a Russian viewer, who notes that Russia also has its fair share of problems – their own equivalent of rednecks, racists, jackasses, and idiots. And he is right.

Having spent a considerable amount of time in Russia, I can say unequivocally that it is a vastly healthier and more sensible society than anything you will find in the West. It is undergoing a religious revival of astonishing scale and scope, which the Western European nations simply cannot comprehend.

I was in Sofia the weekend before the one just past, and I was talking to our Bulgarian tour guide, who said that religion is dying out in his country – in tones that indicated he approved of it, because, as he put it, people were becoming “more rational in their choices”. This was – is – a man who really does not like Russia, or Russians, because of what the Communists did to his country. And that is fair enough.

But the reality of Russia is completely different from what most Westerners think. It is a strong and robust society that is rediscovering its faith and roots.

That is not to say it is perfect. It absolutely is not. There are serious and severe problems at the heart of their society.

However, suicidal tendencies leading to the total destruction of their way of life, through immigration, nihilism, and blatantly stupid acceptance of the LGBTQWTFISTHISSHIT perversions, are NOT among those problems.


Timeo Danaos Et Donna Ferentes…

The good gentlemen of The Duran are actually sitting in the same place together – in the Kuala Lumpur Hilton, unless I am very much mistaken – discussing the sheer ridiculousness of Sir Queer Farmer’s scandal:

Seriously, it is RIDICULOUS. The whole of Britain cannot quite decide whether to laugh or be outraged at the guy. I mean, he has all the charisma of a bucket of wet concrete, and yet he seems to lack the sense God gave a honey badger when it comes to accepting free shit from rich people as a politician.


Bad Medicine

Dr. John Campbell provides a preview of a rather interesting new film about the pharma industry:


Dr. Suneel Dhand has a bit of a downer for us:


Warriors of Faith

Tha Dizzle and Brother Rasheed look at what the Koran ACTUALLY says, instead of what Moose Limbs think it says:


Dr. Jay Smith from PfanderFilms explains why Mo’Lester the Paedophile Profit was precisely that, and NOT a true prophet:


Al-Fadi from CIRA International and Dr. Jay Smith go over some rather inconvenient facts about the Koran, which is as artificial as aspartame:


The Almost False podcast interviews a former militant atheist, who slugged down some Mexican sewage (by mistake), and ended up dying and seeing what Hell is truly like:


Father Josiah Trenin has a very profound (and funny) reflection for us on the subject of standing up to godlessness and blasphemy:


Sam Shamoun shows a Mimi Hijab fanboi just how wrong he is about Mo’Lester the Paedophile Profit:


Manly Men of Manliness

Joker from Better Bachelor asks the same question that Conan’s master once asked him – but comes to a rather different answer:


Burn Paedowood to the Ground

Midnight’s Edge analyses the fallout from one of the more ridiculous experiments in DIE nonsense in the gaming industry:


Gary from Nerdrotic spits venom at the latest desecration of Tolkien’s work:


The Critical Drinker takes a severe self-inflicted beating from the Stupidity Hammer while watching the latest episode of DEM RANGZ O’ POWAH!!!:


Reading Too Much Into Things

Your long read of the week is from Mark Gullick, and it is all about what makes, or does not make, a high-trust society – the distinctions between low-trust and high-trust are not nearly as cut-and-dried as one might think:

I lived in an apartment for five years and the owner, another Canadian, decided to sell. She gave me a generous three-month notice period, and I was offered a house to share by a local musician, a very talented guitarist. The rent was 40,000 colones a month each (around $80US), plus the same as a deposit. I didn’t even have to take his word for that as he showed me the contract. I moved in, and it was a strange and beautiful place, made entirely of wood and smack in the middle of a palm-oil plantation. Troupes of monkeys (of the Squirrel and Capuchin variety, plus the occasional Howler) would come through the palm trees every day. I paid my housemate my half of the rent every month and he paid the owner. One month, I was in town so I decided to call in and pay my half personally. The owner was very surprised that I wanted to pay 40,000, as the whole sum was only 60,000. I said, no, there must be some mistake, it’s 80,000. He showed me the contract, the actual contract, not the one my housemate had dummied up in order to con an extra 10,000 a month out of me. If you are gringo here, and you don’t check every transaction and agree a price before you make it, you will be ripped off in taxis, markets, stores and anywhere else you can spend money. And it’s not just money. An American woman told me she called a repair man to fix her fridge. He took it away, taking care to give her a false name and address, as well as a worthless receipt. She never saw him or her refrigerator again. So much for the locals.

Then there are the north Americans who go native. I played bass for a while for a blues band fronted by a guitarist from Austin, Texas. He had met Stevie Ray Vaughan. When I first got the gig, every other musician told me not to trust the guy on tips, tipping being big here. One night, I saw a guy fold a $20 bill into the tip jar. The guitarist told me that the guy who left the tip was a friend and couldn’t afford to leave $20. He was going to give it back. I watched him and, of course, he did no such thing, just joked with his friend. After the gig, when it came to dividing the tips, the twenty was gone. Now, this may seem trifling, but there is a code about money among musicians the context of which explains what a low trick that was.

Then there are utilities. My Canadian landlord told me that the electricity bill had spiked, and I would have to pay more. I told him that I used exactly the same amount of electricity (in that I used the same devices the same amount) as I had in my old apartment, where the bill was always around 10,000 colones a month, and I knew that electricity prices are not regionally different here from where I used to live. But if he wanted to bring over the bills to compare the periods before and after I moved in, I’d be happy to pay as long as I saw the proof of the increase. It was never mentioned again. It’s a poor country, but these expats aren’t poor, and I am far less well off than both. They have both been here in excess of 20 years, and have essentially become honorary Ticos.

These are just the more colorful examples from many, and interpersonal trust, what I called horizontal trust, is low. What about widening the horizon to the societal level? Litter is not a problem here, as Costa Ricans have an innate respect for their environment. But I was a little surprised to see that rural bus-stops do not feature litter-bins for what little trash there is. Bus-stops are a place where people congregate, and so if there will be trash anywhere, that’s where you’ll find it. Kids hang around the bus-stop here just as much as they do – or did – in England when I was a kid. So why no bins? Because, a friendly American who clears up our local bus stop once a week tells me, they would immediately be stolen. They make useful containers, you see, and this is a poor country. You can tell that by the taxi rank. Eight taxis sit there, engines off. When a fare takes the first, all the others move up one space, but they don’t start their engines to do so. They all open their doors and push the cars into place to save petrol. Margins are tight here for the working man, far tighter than for their equivalent in the UK. But back to trust, and it’s time to look at bicycles.

There are a lot of bikes here, often left outside shops while the owner goes inside. I have never, once, seen a bike locked or chained up. In London, if you leave a bicycle unlocked even for a couple of minutes, you’ve ridden it for the last time because it will be gone when you return. You might object that the value of the bike in London is likely to be far greater than the cow-horned rattlers some ride around on here – who wants to nick a cheap bike? – but that would be to miss the point entirely. The value isn’t primarily financial. It’s practical. When I owned a canal boat, I was given a bicycle, but left with the problem of how to get rid of the old one. I detest fly-tipping, and as I had no fixed address, I couldn’t have the local council take it away. Then the answer hit me. I leant it against a tree on the towpath and went for a drink. Sure enough, when I returned, it was gone. Sometimes low trust can work for you. Now, in London, even locking a bike with an expensive gadget may not help, as thieves use angle-grinders to cut them off.

An example of the Costa Rican judicial system, or rather one of its local branches, and how they deal with breach-of-trust laws. One morning, I left my apartment to visit the shop across the road, and saw a couple of the Ticos who worked there outside giving another guy what we English would call “a bit of a slap”. They weren’t really beating him up, just knocking him about and intimidating him. A bicycle was lying on the ground but, when the staff eventually let him go, he didn’t ride off on it. I asked one of the shop-girls what the trouble was about and she told me; “Estada intendando robar la bicicleta”. He was trying to steal the bike, until her male colleagues intervened. In a townful of unattended, unlocked bicycles, he had crossed a bright line. He had sinned, which takes us to the church.

It is a beautiful building whose roof is concave and made from highly-polished teak, one of Costa Rica’s main exports. It looks like an upside-down boat’s hull. Now, this church is full of very stealable items, some made of gold. The windows are high but they are not glassed and would be easily accessible with a ladder. Thieves could be in and out in minutes at night, and considerably richer. In England, a church like this would be robbed and gutted, and quite possibly burnt down. But nobody does that here. The local thieves are certainly not afraid of the police. Must be someone else that dissuades them.


Linkage is good for you:

And some more from Dawn Pine:


MUH RUSHIAN KAHLOOOOOOOZHUN!!!

The Neo-Tsar does, in fact, have a sense of humour – and it is a rather wickedly funny one, at that:

There is a bit in that set where he basically mocks Fareed Zakaria – whom I consider an overrated and utterly pretentious twat – right to his face. That, right there, is worth the price of admission.

The Putin also had quite a lot to say at the Russian Energy Week form recently:


HALO Nation

Slayergod Remy aka MintBlitz does his thing while on a nostalgia trip with HALO Reach:


BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!

Arbitor Ian explains the concept of Terminator armour:


Oh No! Anyway…

Wazzocks gonna wazzock:


Comedy Hour


Meme Warfare

We start with the usual collection of dank memes from The Male Brain:

Reminder. Good show.

[Even better song from IRON MAIDEN. – Didact]

Hey, that’s me!
Leftist logic
Isn’t it banned already?
Nice pun
They don’t
Can’t confirm. I actually make small talk.
That’s one meal or for the whole weekend?
Those garage sales are vicious
Can’t confirm as I drink tea
Spot on
Read “Requiem for a Renaissance”. Sci-Fi book about a future complacent society. Then an asteroid is about to hit earth. Yes – you need to allocate money for it.
Brutal. Also — being slightly racist is good for you
Give it time
A I can think of a few: 1) Robot is physically stronger, 2) If you make your robot climax it won’t stop trying to kill you, 3) You can change the robot’s mind by hacking it back.
No problem, but you need to pray, eat healthy and avoid sins.
You are the problem
Good call

And now, in the immortal words of LRFotS RobertW:


Animal Planet

Your aminules are adorkable moment of the week:

And also your animals are absolute DICKS moment of the week, to balance things out:


REPS FOR JESUS!!!

Gym beast props this week go to the ALMIGHTY Lasha Talakhadze:

Keep in mind, he CLEANS more than most men can deadlift. And he does it with a speed and explosiveness that is genuinely SCARY.


Ass-Kicking of the Eight Limbs


They See Me Rollin’…


Palate Cleansers

Axe Me Anything

Knives Out

Drumlines

Guitar Heroics

Bass Fishing

MOAR DAKKA!!!

Men at Work

Mighty Wings

Jump-Starts

Gingervitis Injections


Livin’ in the Land of the Metal Gods

Also Einstein: “I fear that someday people will post my pic on the Internet with bogus made-up quotations in Comic Sans font”

Rock Out With Your Glock Out


Thot Shots

Right, finally, we get to our Instathot for the start of the week. This here is Jessika Gotti, age 33, from Bayonne, NJ – so basically the armpit of America, and believe me, I know, having visited Bayonne a few times. If she isn’t at least 30% plastic, then I need my eyes checked. I am not quite clear on what she does, and honestly, could not care less. Apparently it has something to do with bikinis.

OK, that’s all for today, chaps, back to work now.

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1 Comment

  1. Robert W

    On that Lasha Talakhadze 495kg World Record training video (second on) he is changing his hand placement as well. First lift is hands all the way to the plates, second lift is on the squat knurling position. What a beast, not even specializing to where his hands go.

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