“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Monday morning CrossFarts

by | Aug 21, 2023 | Mondays | 5 comments

“Lord, let Monday be over quickly, without serious adverse events, and a minimum of idiocy.” Such is the prayer we all utter, in some form or another, more or less, before the workday starts after a quiet and relaxed weekend. Unfortunately, things rarely work out in quite such a happy form. But, fear not, for he Great Mondaydact Browser Killer is here to do His work.

Today we begin with the return of the Trap Lord, Infinite Elgintensity, who has FINALLY put up his annual review of the CrossShit Games, and they are every bit as full of failure and stupidity as every other year:

The annual CrosShit games are always a great reminder of human stupidity, and of the weapons-grade idiocy that is CrossShit. The whole idea is dumb from start to finish – you are basically measuring how well people can exercise, and that is about it. I’d like to see their world champions burpee their way into an MMA championship, for instance – that would be FUNNY.

Sadly, that will not happen anytime soon, because CrossShit is not about preparing you for anything other than, well, exercising. But, it is still great fun to laugh at them. So here is some more of the same:


#BasedTucker is Based


Dawn of Battle

The Male Brain has plenty to keep us entertained and amused today. We begin with a take from solid jj about the father of the atomic bomb:

The Generalist Papers explodes your mind with the origins of common superstitions:

Where I come from, there is a superstition that if you sneeze before you go somewhere, that is EXTREMELY bad luck. All of the women – and I mean ALL of them – in my family subscribe to this. Unfortunately for them, I am prone to sneezing precisely when we are about to enter a lift or go anywhere, which is an endless source of amusement for me, personally.

Moving on – Equator AI explains what the great ancient wonders would look like if they were around today, in the same state they were at the time of their completion:

I’ve been to the Great Pyramid of Giza. It is, indeed, very damned impressive.

The School of Life discusses the power of simplicity – a Stoic principle if there ever was one:

TLDR News EU might have some good news for us about the Euroweenies – apparently, their yoot culture is shifting further right, faster than in the FUSA:

As I say so often: “we shall see”. I am generally unimpressed by the state of right-wing politics in most countries – the only European nations taking a definitive, clear step to the right, and which are actually conservative in both word and deed, are Hungary and Russia, and that is because they put faith and family right at the centre of all of their policies.


Knowledge is Power

Dawn Pine suggested starting up a new weekly segment involving useful bits of general learning that will, among other things, allow you to elevate your mind – and, of course, help you win pub-trivia and Trivial Pursuit games, if that is your thing. We kick things off with a video from The Generalist Papers that explains why many European languages have both lowercase AND uppercase letters:

Note, this is indeed quite unique to Romanised and Eastern European alphabets – Cyrillic, like the Greek script which spawned it, has capital letters. You do not see this with Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, and – to my knowledge – ancient Turkic scripts. As far as I know, the Sanskrit-derived Devanagari script, used by most northern Indian languages, does not have uppercase and lowercase letters. The ancient glyph-based scripts of the Egyptians, Mesopotamians, and Aztec/Inca empires also as far as I know, did not have this feature.

As with so much else, we have Christianity, and the Bible, to thank for the widespread prevalence of lowercase scripts these days.


Poli-ticking Off

Mark Dice notes the highly convenient timing involved in the latest indictment of the God-Emperor:


The dynamic duo over at Redacted examine the Narcofuehrer’s latest cocaine-fuelled rant telling everyone to get BACK TO THE FRONT!:

There is a song down in the METAL IS FOREVER!!! section at the bottom, dedicated juts to Bellendsky.

I really, really hope Satan has a Hellfire missile sitting somewhere with Bellendsky’s name on it. That bastard has murdered over 300,000 of his people for absolutely no good end – he gives even the worst of the (((Small Hat Tribe))) and their GloboHomoPaedoPharisatanist wing a bad name.


Jackson Hinkle examines what Toe Rogan had to say – and the sensible questions he asked – about Banderastan’s totally failed counterploink:


Lord Razor of the Fist Clan gets annoyed with people who are annoyed about… some video game called Baldur’s Gate 3?!?!?! No idea what that’s all about, but there you go:


PJW notes the rather odd coincidences between AfD’s rapidly rising poll numbers, and the sudden desire of the Krautland authorities to ban them:


Rulings from the Bench

Judge Nap has had a busy week interviewing various people about current events. Since Col. Douglas Macgregor appears to be hors de combat – probably just on a thoroughly deserved vacation – we’ll start with LTC Tony Shaffer, who insists on repeating a lot of nonsense about how Putin is a “thug” and a “dictator”, but nonetheless gets it mostly right about 404:

Dr. Phil Giraldi points out the utterly illegal nature of the US occupation of northern Syria:

Maj. Scott Ritter took a break from dealing with his daughter’s wedding – HEARTY congratulations to him and his family for such a wonderful and happy event – to talk about the total failure of the counterploink “strategy”, such as it was:

Alistair Crooke‘s genteel and cultured take on current events is always a welcome addition:

Larry Johnson and Ray McGovern did a great roundtable about the nature of the FedGov and the crimes committed by the CIA:


Дед Сварливый Говорит!

Grandpa Grumpuss grumps, grumpily, from Moscow, about the nature of the Russian economy:

I have been keeping up with his vlogs from Moscow, and I am highly amused to hear him bitching about how hot and humid it is there. To me, this is absolutely hilarious, since Moscow temperatures usually get up to around 3-033 Celsius, but cool right back down at night, and the air in Moscow is very dry, by my standards.

Then again, I was born and brought up in the tropics, so my frame of reference is quite different.


It’s All Greek To Us

The good gentlemen of The Duran did an excellent livestream with “Dr. Shockter” himself, Prof. Jeffrey Sachs – one of the few classical liberals left, who still understands the nature of peace and the price of war:

I disagree with Prof. Sachs on a number of subjects – not least being “climate change” pseudoscience, which he takes seriously and I consider an utter joke. But he does have some very good points to make about the catastrophic nature of American interventionsim in place where nobody wants the FUSA sticking its big hooked nose.


The Bald Truth

Brian Berletic of The New Atlas makes a very good point about how the failure of American wunderwaffen in the Banderastan War is a strong indicator of the failure of America as a society:


Bad Medicine

Dr. John Campbell takes a close look at some shocking excess death numbers – straight from the life insurers:


Warriors of Faith

Tha Dizzle and his buddy The Apostate Prophet continue their utter demolition of Izzlam and the Izzlamist dawahganda:


Dr. Jay Smith from PfanderFilms and Al-Fadi from CIRA International discuss how early Izzlamists crafted the Koran out of whole cloth:


Manly Men of Manliness

Terrence Popp examines the true depths of depravity being plumbed by the woke military in the FUSA these days:


Joker from Better Bachelor has some strong words of caution about women who want to help men – like Pearl and others of that ilk:

I do not reject such women. But the fact is, they get by based on looks and messaging. Let us see whether they actually mean what they say – whether they walk their talk, like Brittany Sellner did and does. Then, and only then, can we take them truly seriously.


Burn Paedowood to the Ground

Midnight’s Edge reckons the Snow Woke “star” just sank the entire movie, and the company that was stupid enough to remake its own greatest hit:


Overlord Dicktor Van Doomcock has the hot dish about the collapse in D+ subscriptions:


Gary from Nerdrotic is having a LOT of fun watching Hollyweird collapse in on itself, thanks to various strikes and lousy business decisions:


The Drinker watched the Snow Woke remake, so you don’t have to:


Reading Too Much Into Things

Your “Science is F***ING WEIRD” moment of the week is from Dawn Pine, and basically shows the length of “one day” was not always 24 hours – in fact, by modern standards, it was as short as 19 of our current hours, a billion years ago:

We present statistical analysis of a compilation of observational constraints on the Precambrian length of day and find that the day length stalled at about 19 h for about 1 billion years during the mid-Proterozoic. We suggest that the accelerative torque of atmospheric thermal tides from solar energy balanced the decelerative torque of lunar oceanic tides, temporarily stabilizing Earth’s rotation. This stalling coincides with a period of relatively limited biological evolution known as the boring billion.

[…]

Tidal forces of an orbiting satellite control the evolution of a planet’s rotation1,2. Because Earth rotates faster than the orbital angular velocity of the Moon, Earth’s oceanic tidal bulge is pushed ahead of the Moon. This offset exerts a torque on the Moon, which—transferring angular momentum from Earth to the Moon—boosts the Moon to a farther orbit and slows Earth’s rotation, increasing its length of day (LOD) over time. Theoretical lunar recession models have generally been characterized by a steady trend over the past 3 or 4 billion years3,4,5. In contrast with traditional models that propose continuously evolving conditions is the speculation of a temporarily long time interval of constant day length during Precambrian time potentially arising from a stabilization due to resonance with the atmospheric thermal tide6,7,8. There is therefore a need for a sufficiently abundant number of Precambrian LOD constraints that can be used to further understand the evolution of the Earth–Moon system in high temporal resolution.

In contrast with their oceanic counterpart gravitationally excited by the pull of the Moon, atmospheric tides are thermally excited by the absorption of sunlight by water vapour and ozone, the largest of which is semidiurnal. Due to the arrangement of the three-body system and Earth’s sense of rotation, the lunar semidiurnal oceanic tide applies a decelerative torque and the solar semidiurnal atmospheric tide applies an accelerative torque on Earth’s rate of rotation (Fig. 1). A resonance-stabilized day length is the unique condition where, at the point of resonance, the lunar oceanic torque can be cancelled by the solar atmospheric torque. This might have been possible in the Precambrian when the lunar torque is thought to have been one-fourth of its present value due to weaker frictional coupling between Earth and the Moon at faster palaeorotation4,6,7. If the opposing atmospheric torque became equal to the diminished lunar torque, Earth’s long-term rotational deceleration could have been temporarily halted at a constant day length for some interval of Precambrian time6.

The geological record has multiple means of preserving an archive of LOD over time and, by inference, the history of Earth–Moon distance. Biologically mediated means of recording LOD, such as tree rings and coral growth bands, preserve reliable annual banding, but are restricted to the Phanerozoic eon, since 539 million years ago (Ma), when animal life evolved9. For Precambrian time, before the Phanerozoic, other LOD records must be used. When the resonance-stabilized day length hypothesis was first proposed, only a small handful of Precambrian LOD constraints were available. These came from the seasonal sinusoidal growth of stromatolites (following the annual Sun angle), but such constraints require high sediment accumulation rates, which are rare in such depositional settings. The only other constraints at the time came from tidal rhythmites, but such depositional settings are rarely preserved and/or are difficult to prove in the absence of independent geochronology, which is often lacking in Precambrian successions. For example, conflicting interpretations of LOD have been attained for the tidal rhythmites of the ~900 Ma Big Cottonwood Formation10,11.

Critically, LOD can also be calculated from cyclostratigraphic studies of Milankovitch orbital cycles because the astronomical precession frequency (k) is a function of Earth’s rotation rate12. This study was prompted by a recent proliferation of new cyclostratigraphic-based LOD constraints having become available for the Precambrian, with 12 of the 22 Precambrian LOD constraints having been generated in the past 7 years (Extended Data Table 1). Our statistical change-point analysis of the most recent, much more abundant Precambrian LOD compilation indeed yields, as theorized, a flatlining of day length between 2 and 1 billion years ago (Ga) during the mid-Proterozoic (Fig. 2). This observation thus empirically vindicates the modelling-based hypothesis of the emergence of resonance between oceanic (lunar) and atmospheric (solar) tides acting on Earth’s rotation during the Precambrian6,7.


Your long read of the week is also from The Male Brain, and covers a great deal of ground in discussing the role of resurgent monotheistic faith within the collapsing FUSA and its potential resurgence:

Between the Glorious Revolution and the American Revolution almost 90 years later, the fruits of the new order seemed to explode across the historical stage as the scientific and intellectual accomplishments of the Enlightenment astounded contemporaries. From Sir Isaac Newton’s discoveries in mathematics and physics to Adam Smith’s groundbreaking work in political economy, from James Watt’s development of a more efficient steam engine to John Harrison’s creation of chronometers accurate enough to permit ship captains to determine their longitude on extended voyages, one astonishing innovation after another electrified the European world and pointed toward even greater accomplishments still to come.

The American colonists could not help but see these phenomena through the prism of Abrahamic thought. History was not a random series of unrelated events. The hand of God (or the finger of an equally powerful and mysterious fate) was guiding this process of recovery, renewal, and accelerating advancement. As they looked forward, the colonists and the early Americans believed that they were fated to play a decisive role in the future and further unfolding of the most remarkable era of progress in the history of the world. The realities of geography and demography indicated that the American republic would become one of the largest and most populous countries on earth. Their unique hold on the world-transforming principles of the spirit of the Reformation and Enlightenment meant that their society would long continue as a font of innovation and a beacon of liberty to the rest of the world.

The United States of America, many of its citizens believed, was not fated to become just one powerful country among many empires that rose and strutted their brief hour on the stage before fading into historical memory. The United States had come onto the world stage with unprecedented potential at the moment when Abrahamic history was moving toward its final, climactic fulfillment.

This vision of America’s role in the world resonated with the major religious and philosophical currents of the early years of the republic. Orthodox Protestants coming out of Calvinist, Lutheran, Anglican, Wesleyan, and Anabaptist traditions found nothing strange or unsettling in a political vision that placed the Reformation at the center of modern history. Less conventionally religious children of the enlightenment like Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson were equally at home with the vision. Providential liberal nationalism, this belief that God or fate was leading the United States to play a transformative role in the consummation of world history, became an essential element of our national culture.

These beliefs would only tighten their grip on the national imagination in the generations following the revolution. The United States kept growing richer and more powerful as world history seemed to move ever closer to a dramatic climax. The titanic scale of the wars of the 20th century, the horrors of totalitarian Nazism and Communism, and the apocalyptic peril represented by the development of nuclear weapons all dramatically underscored the movement toward some kind of historical culmination. The approach of a grand climax to world history—whether one anticipates the establishment of a peaceful and prosperous democratic utopia or fears global destruction in the fires of nuclear war or climate change—makes the Abrahamic schema of history look more probable and adds both credibility and urgency to Abrahamic ideology in all its forms. The growing importance of the United States in world politics precisely as the climax of history seemed to inexorably approach reinforced Americans’ sense that their country was destined to play a critical role at this climactic time.

The 21st century, so far, has seen more of the same. As humanity rides the Adams Curve’s accelerating trajectory toward a radically uncertain future, the United States continues to occupy a unique position in world affairs. Whether the danger is climate change, the rise of uncontrolled artificial intelligence, nuclear proliferation, challenges to the “rules-based world order,” or an increasingly totalitarian China bent on hegemony, the chances of a benign outcome rest heavily on the position and the performance of the United States.

Time will tell whether the American sense of mission will prove more accurate than the dreams of the great powers of the past. What matters for contemporary American politics is the reality that this vision of the country’s purpose is losing its ability to integrate Americans of many different backgrounds and beliefs into a common national consensus. Tradition-minded Christians, Enlightenment liberals, and secular progressives are united today by a feeling that world history is rushing toward a climax and that America has an important part to play in the drama to come. But there the consensus ends. America in the 21st century is as Abrahamic as ever, but that heritage increasingly divides rather than unites us.


Linkage is good for you:

And some more from Dawn Pine:


MUH RUSHIAN KAHLOOOOOZHUN!!!

The Neo-Tsar paid a visit to the General Staff in the headquarters of the Southern Military District – which I and others take as a major tell of some serious Russian movements to come in the Banderastan War:


HALO Nation

Slayergod Remy aka Mint Blitz do his thing:


DIS POAST BEEN FACT-CHECKED BY PROPAH ORKY NOBZ!!!

LRFotS MrUNIVAC takes a break from chasing after the gingers in his life to share with us some PROPAH BRUTAL ‘N’ KUNNIN’ ORKY WAAGH!!! stuff. Some mad genius figured out how to combine WARHAMMER 40K lore with the voice of none other than David Attenborough. The result is a grimdark documentary deries that has to be seen to be believed.

So, if you have ever wondered what traversing the Warp is like, let’s hear the process narrated by a proper British toff:

If you’ve ever wondered WOT DA ZOG IS A ORK – whether he be BRUTAL BUT KUNNIN’, or KUNNIN’ BUT BRUTAL – here is a video that explains it all, DA PROPAH WAY!!!:

Orks are what you would get if English football hooligans ended up somehow creating a spacefaring race, honestly. They’re practically the only ones in the WH40K universe who are actually having FUN.

AN’ DAT’S DA ZOGGIN’ TROOF!!!


That’s Not Gone Well…

Wazzocks gonna wazzock:

Has anyone noticed how James May has somehow transformed into the affable and genteel grandpa everyone would love to have?


Comedy Hour

Mike and Joelle are two Australians – i.e. they come from a place where LITERALLY EVERYTHING WANTS TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR EYEBALLS FOR JUJUBEES – and they like to have a laugh together as a couple. Their preferred approach is to have the husband come up to the wife while playing some comedy skit, and then watch her react on camera.


Meme Warfare

We start with some DANK MEMES from The Male Brain on the subject of meetings – everyone’s bane, especially on a Monday:

Can confirm
Or just mellow
Who reviews minutes unless they have to?
I believe them
Can’t confirm
We actually don’t care
That is cool
Been there
Pro Tip – if you are at a Zoom meeting and can’t contribute, do other stuff
BTW – I’m doing this during a zoom meeting!
Been there as well
Should be a T-Shirt
I have actually been to such a meeting. Whiskey was involved.
That is so irritating
We can do it

Onward:

I, by contrast, believe Maoists should be SHOT ON SIGHT – but, surprisingly, I actually agree with them on some points
Started out as the first – turned rapidly into the second
YEET them out of your life – it’s just too short to waste

Animal Planet

Your aminules are adorkable moment of the week:

And also your animals are absolute DICKS moment of the week, to balance things out:


The Lords of Steel

Gym beast props this week go to Emerson Knoebel, who shows NO RESPECT to redonkulous weights:


Ass-Kicking of the Eight Limbs


They See Me Rollin’…


Tank vs Trickster

Believe it or not, The Buakawminator is going to take on his good friend, Saenchai, in a bare-knuckle match – which should be hugely entertaining:


Palate Cleansers

Axe Me About Jesus

Full-Throated Approval

Jump-Starts

Gingervitis Injections

Power Xtreme!


Livin’ in the Land of the Metal Gods

Also Einstein: “I fear that someday people will post my pic on the Internet with bogus made-up quotations in Comic Sans font”
This one is for Telegram channel subscriber @Gimmeyourwd, who shares my appreciation for all things DETHKLOK
And this one is for Bellendsky, who has turned hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians into worm-food

This new album is more IRON MAIDEN than the band itself is – it’s really pretty damned good:


Rock Out With Your Glock Out


Hot Totty

Right, to conclude, here is your Instathot for the day. This is Michela Russo, age 36 (and quite impressive, considering her advanced years), from Genoa, Italy. She is an influenza and brand model, as well as a “journalist” (uh huh, sure), model, TV presenter, and writer, or so she claims.

As noted numerous times, we do rather like the Eyties around here, and with VERY good reason. Molto bella, as they say.

That’s all, folks, back to work now.

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5 Comments

  1. MrUNIVAC

    Happy to help spread the love of 40K!

    The best thing about Orks is that if they believe in something hard enough, it literally warps reality. For example, most of them will paint their vehicles red because “DA RED ONEZ GO FASTA!” This does nothing for anyone else, but because Orks BELIEVE it does something…da red onez indeed go fasta. It’s a rule in the tabletop and everything.

    Reply
  2. Ned

    Ramaswamy is an alumni of Klaus Schwabs Young Global Leaders.
    The most obvious sheep in wolfs clothing the Republicans have ever seen.
    He’s also buddies with the Soros clan. Ramaswamy was awarded a post-graduate fellowship by the Paul & Daisy Soros Fellowships for New Americans.

    Reply
    • Dire Badger

      His sole job is to try and draw away Trump votes. He’s not supposed to win anything. He makes all the right noises, but he’s as fake as a three dollar bill. It was obvious from the moment he made a splash as a far-right candidate.

      No offense to Didact, but I don’t expect an Indian to have even the slightest idea or ability to deal with a White American demographic, second generation or not.

      And if he did, by some magical vote transformation, manage to cheat his way into victory, he would just be another Bush, blue core wearing a red skinsuit while he gets rich selling off America.

      Reply
      • Didact

        No offense to Didact, but I don’t expect an Indian to have even the slightest idea or ability to deal with a White American demographic, second generation or not.

        I entirely agree. Ramaswamy is nothing much more than Bobby Jindal 2.0. I have been totally unimpressed by his positions on Taiwan, for instance, which strike me as amazingly stupid. I do think he is there to split the Republicuck vote, but I do not think he will be able to provide much by way of an alternative to the God-Emperor.

        Reply
  3. furor kek tonicus ( when asked to choose between Ginger or MaryAnn, i always say, "Lovey". with a nickname like that, she obviously knows what she's doing )

    if you remember, i asserted that if the Wagner “revolt” was in some way real, that Prigozhin had signed his own death warrant. indeed that Putin almost had to put him down.
    .
    well, i suppose that small jets do occasionally crash all on their own. Dan Grider or Blancolirio can fill you in on all that .

    Reply

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