“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

We wuz Alves ‘n’ shiet!

by | Sep 6, 2022 | Office Space | 4 comments

Amazog’s The Lhurrd of the Rangz has been out for a couple of days now (apparently), and like most of you, I just couldn’t give a toss. We’ve all got better things to do than watch this pile of steaming dogshit created by people who know nothing about The Master’s work, care nothing for the Legendarium, and do not have rights to create content based around the stuff that actually matters anyway.

It would appear that a VERY substantial part of the LotR fandom agrees with that sentiment, because Amazog has been busy desperately hiding and running away from the data concerning the utterly underwhelming performance of its “flagship” billion-dollar budget-busting bonanza of exceedingly well-polished dog-turds:

We can of course safely discount the opinions of the “professional reviewers”. They are bought-and-paid-for shills. The ordinary people, on the other hand, absolutely HATE this thing – those who have bothered to watch it, loathe it.

For those who do wish to find out just how bad this thing actually is, our man in the field, Gary Buechler, has forced himself to watch the first two episodes of We Haz RANGZ!!! and has hardly a kind word to say about it all:

Things are so bad for Amazog that they have been trying to stop people fro leaving reviews altogether. But that has not prevented anyone from noticing just how terrible this show is. They are tuning out in DROVES:

Plenty of Tolkien fans will find reasons to get worked up about all of this – and that is fair. McCabe and Vance have clearly taken enormous liberties with the canon – that’s putting it very charitably – and have completely ignored the basics of fantasy story-telling to create a world that is unrecognisable to anyone who read the books and/or watched the Peter Jackson trilogy.

It is fair to be annoyed, and even angry, about what has been done to The Master’s legendary work of Christian allegory fused with Scandinavian mythology. Most of us, though, would be well advised to obey the advice of Our Beloved and Dreaded Supreme Dark Lord (PBUH) Voxemort the Most Malevolent and Terrible, and simply ignore it.

That is actually the worst insult that we can pay to this hopeless pile of tedious drivel – just not bother watching it. Let it die on the vine.

My advice to you, therefore, is simple: do not concern yourself with downloading it, and do not invest any time in watching it, even just to hate on the series. You would be far better off investing that same amount of time in The Terminal List, which is ACTUALLY really freakin’ good – and, oddly enough, produced by Amazon Prime Studios as well. (It just goes to show that Amazog does hire competent actors, screenwriters, producers, directors, and so on – remember that this is the same studio that produces THE GRAND TOUR, and NO ONE around here thinks that is a waste of time and money.)

Amazog is going to suffer a BILLION-DOLLAR DISASTER with this one. Let them. It will be an abject lesson in the consequences of disrespecting the people who would have repaid them a thousandfold with respect, love, admiration, and MONEY if they had simply been treated with decency and courtesy.

There could not be a better example of getting woke and going broke, than to watch Jeff Bezosoy taking a swift kick in the blue-pills. It would be just too damn funny if, after that, this happens:


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  1. furor kek tonicus ( proud to have a foreign policy that keeps Hunter's nose candied )

    one of the dumbest elements related thus far:
    1 – Guyladrial insists on pressing forward in the search for Sauron, over the protest of ALL of her men.
    2 – Guyladrial proves all the men wrong and finds proof that Sauron is still oot and aboot in the world
    3 – her entire command DESERTS her, forcing her to end her search
    4 – they return home
    5 – the ENTIRE PARTY is feted as “heroes” ( sorry, HER-oes ) and rewarded with permission to sail into the West
    that’s not how a military works. desertion and cowardice in the face of the enemy can be punished by anything, up to and including summary execution in the field.
    mutiny / contravening direct orders will, at a minimum, get you a Court Martial and dishonorable discharge ( or whatever the period correct punishment would be, such as Outlawry ).
    what it does not EVER get you, not under ANY circumstance, is to be feted as a hero of the realm. nor do you accrue any of the awards typically derived therefrom.
    of course, a commander so bad that she caused her whole command to mutiny would probably also not make it back from the field alive.
    whatever would have happened, you can be certain that it would not in any way resemble the result shown in Ep1.

  2. dave johnson

    LOTR is not as mainstream as Amaxon thought anyway. The Peter Jackson movies were an event where everyone watched them to please the nerd in their life…but didn’t really like them and atill watched all 3…making it look like everyone loved them…but no. LOTR is a nerd property and once (but only once) nerds roped the rest of us into watching it but (to borrow a phrase from the tribe) “never again!”

    And then for the nerds, this is their religion. Messing with LOTR is like messing with the Bible. Making dwarves black is like making Jesus black, only worse because LOTR is pagan nature worship and black people don’t even like the outside world. When’s the last time you saw a black at a hiking vacation spot? Never. In Peter Jackson’s LOTR, New Zealand was a caharacter and the one with the most screen time. Blacks don’t want to see that and novody wants to see blacks because they’re ugly, especially after Saint Fentanyl and all that people are tired of the orcs running amock on our streets. And oh yeah, Pete Jacksons LOTR dis have blacks…the orcs. And they were the bad guys which is realistic.

    • Didact

      Quite apart from your clear animus against Blacks, where exactly do you get the notion that “LOTR is pagan nature worship”, given that Tolkien was a devout Catholic and clearly intended to write a fantasy series that fused Christian themes with Scandinavian legends to create a mythology of old England?

      Further, where do you get the notion that orcs in Tolkien’s Legendarium are Blacks? Tolkien was clear about this – orcs were Elves that were warped and twisted into evil beings by Morgoth.

      By your “logic”, then, are Blacks simply Whites that have been twisted and burned, rather than a separate racial and ethnic group?

    • Robert W

      Riddle me this, Dave-man.

      If people saw The Lord of the Rings for their beloved nerds to kill time around Christmas, how do you explain the success of the Hobbit movies? They were blatantly hated by the nerds and thoroughly abused the source material. Yet they sold many tickets and heaped huge piles of money on the producers.

      Amazon has a franchise that could have brought them five years of accolades and commercial swagger. They went woke, now they’re going to go broke in this venture.

      I don’t usually suspect trolling in the Didact comments, but your level of coherence is so low I suspect this is trolling, just waiting for the sun to rise while determining who to squish into jelly.


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