“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Monday morning alien adventure

by | Jun 20, 2022 | Mondays | 0 comments

Ah, Monday, the enemy of all that is fun and interesting. We meet again. Once you Monday, you can never get rid of it – rather like herpes. Or, worse, the Clintons. Fortunately, the Great Mondaydact Browser Burster is here to befuddle, bemuse, and bewilder all who behold it – though this is slightly more difficult these days, in light of the fact that Internet Exploder, the absolute worst web browser, is finally dead. If you tried to load up one of these weekly instalments on that shitheap of a browser, you would quickly discover that the “Browser Buster” moniker is extremely well deserved.

At any rate, I was watching some interesting videos over the weekend about various different weird movie and video game aliens, so here is a selection of icky stuff to make you remember the good old days, when film and game aliens were genuinely scary and creepy:

Natasha Henstridge in her prime… yowza.

#BasedTucker is Based

June 13, 2022

June 14, 2022

June 15, 2022

June 16, 2022

June 17, 2022

Dawn of Battle

The Male Brain delivers as always with a collection of most excellent excellence. We start with a new channel from probably the busiest guy on all of YOOTOOBZ, Baldy Wheeler himself, with Sideprojects, talking about weird sounds:

Yannic Kilcher reports on an AI that learned how to become every bit as obnoxious and annoying as your average 4Channer – by training itself in 4Chan:

Here is the El Reg article on the same subject, which is every bit as hilarious as you might expect.

This is why I’m not yet really so worried about the Great Robot Uprising – when you expose them to the worst of Teh Innarwebz, they become just like us, but you can still figure them out pretty fast. Of course, this may only be a temporary reprieve from the Rise of the Machines.

Solid jj continues his streak of superb retro-comedy by explaining what it is like on a Monday morning at Legion of Doom HQ:

Wisecrack offers a philosophical take on the film, Everything Everywhere All at Once:

The Critical Drinker rather liked that movie, too.

When you’re the Neo-Tsar, you’ve got a lot of very powerful, very unhappy people constantly gunning for you – and, as The Infographics Show points out, you also have ways of surviving that crazy stuff in equally crazy ways:

Poli-ticking Off

Mark Dice unpacks video of noted Constitutional scholar (/sarc) Van Jones looking at what America’s founding document actually says about how a Presidential candidate can question, dispute, and otherwise disrupt the electoral process, and discovers, to his astonishment and horror, that the Constitution is in fact anti-democratic, and that President Trump had absolutely every right to do what he did when he suspected election fraud in the Fake Election of 2020:

China Uncensored reckons that the Small-Hat Tribe are becoming increasingly unpopular in the Middle Kingdom:

If nothing else, this should put paid to the exceedingly foolish notion, touted by the likes of David P. Goldman and others, that the Learned Elders of Wye can simply decamp from the USSA after it falls and breaks apart, and go to China, because of the similarities in the ways in which Chinese and Jews have assimilated into non-native populations.

Lord Razor of the Fist Clan goes into full rage-spitting mode on the subject of “red flag laws”, which are nothing more than a covert attempt to steal your rights:

The dynamic duo over at Redacted analyse the likelihood of success of NATO’s “NEW new strategery” with respect to 404:

Jackson Hinkle looks at what the Americans captured by the Allied forces in Banderastan have to say about the real nature of war over there:

The New Atlas is thoroughly unimpressed by the Limey commitment to train up to 10,000 Banderites every 4 months in NATO-standard tactics and weapons – because that has worked so well up to this point:

An army – a REAL army, capable of actually winning REAL wars – cannot be trained in 4 months to modern standards of battle. That takes YEARS. You HAVE to build up a true cadre of NCOs and officers, and you have to teach them how to deal with the full realities of combined-arms warfare.

There is pretty much only one military on Earth that does this anymore – and it is Russia’s. The Brits forgot how to do this decades ago.

Дед Сварилвый Говорит!

Grandpa Grumpuss grumps, grumpily, about plummeting standards in American ADOLT EDJOOMUHCAYSHUN, which used to be supposedly the best around, but in fact NEVER was, at least when it came to producing genuinely great minds in mathematics and science:

Do not mistake me (or Grumpuss). We are NOT saying that Americans are stupid. America has produced geniuses and titans of science, engineering, and mathematics throughout its history. That is a function of true innate brilliance and opportunity.

But the American education SYSTEM is an entirely different story. And that deserves every last brickbat that it gets, from the 1960s onwards.

I am a product of several different education systems – including the American one. I can attest firsthand that its lack of rigour in mathematics and science is shocking relative to the British, Chinese, or Russian systems.

It’s All Greek To Us

The dynamic duo of The Duran have had their hands full keeping up with events over the past week. First up, Alexander Mercouris offers a long and in-depth analysis of events over the past few days in 404 and elsewhere, especially considering the Neo-Tsar’s comments at SPIEF:

His good friend and colleauge Alex Christoforou did a night update in the Olympic Stadium in Athens:

And in their joint programme, the two analyse the current failures of Western economic and financial policy, especially as Russia and China continue to strengthen a relationship based on pragmatism and simple sense:

Righteous Rantery

Paul Ramsey notes that – shockingly – some cultures are better than others, especially when you look at how a groom treats his bride over in Uzbekistan or wherever it was:

PJW wonders whether we should be concerned about an AI that “thinks” for itself:

Terrence Popp can be very scary when he gets all serious about some of the genuinely strange shit that he has lived through:

The lovely and charming Dr. Sam Bailey examines whether vaccines have any real future, and what that might be:

Warriors of Faith

The Dizzle unpacks the evidence for the Exodus with a fellow philosopher:

Dr. Jay Smith from PfanderFilms analyses some fascinating admissions by Dr. Shabir Ally, one of Islam’s foremost academic scholars, that show just how shaky the Standard Islamic Narrative really is:

Al-Fadi from CIRA International notes that Muslims really don’t have any good answers to the Izzlamic reality that Muhammad had sex with a child – which, in case you didn’t get it the first time, makes him a PAEDOPHILE:

Burn Paedowood to the Ground

Midnight’s Edge chronicles Ezra Miller‘s headlong descent into full-blown batshit insanity, and how he has thoroughly damaged his career:

Overlord Dicktor Van Doomcock can’t quite contain his glee at the thought that the ChiComs might give the House of the Devil Mouse a rather nasty dose of very bad medicine:

Gary from Nerdrotic just wants LotRRoP to go away already, like the rest of us:

Ryan Kinel notes that Ezra Miller has almost certainly torpedoed his own future as The Flash:

The Drinker explains to the dim bulbs over at Disney, in words that they can understand (though his Scottish accent does mangle things somewhat), exactly how they managed to screw up their relationship with the STAR WARS fanbase:

Reading Too Much Into Things

Your “Science is F***ING WEIRD” moment of the week is about the odd phenomenon of “starquakes”, in which inconceivably huge “waves” ripple out across the surfaces of entire stars, like tsunamis:

A trove of data collected by the European Space Agency (ESA) through its Gaia space observatory has been released on Monday, revealing “starquakes” on thousands of stars across the Milky Way galaxy.

Astronomers say the phenomenon is more like a stellar-scale tsunami than earthquakes which shake the base of a planet, as main sequence stars have no crusts (although neutron stars can undergo extremely powerful quakes).

The newly observed oscillations provide a hint of what is happening under the star’s surface, analogous to the way seismologists use tremors on Earth to deduce its internal structure.

Astrophysicist Conny Aerts, a member of the research team, said: “Gaia is opening a goldmine for ‘asteroseismology’ of massive stars.”

The ESA has released a video showing the “sounds” of the starquakes. Rather than actual soundwaves, they are a “sonification” of the data collected by the space probe and its two telescopes.

Video below:

Your long read of the week is a rather interesting article about the catastrophic “Winter-20” wargame that Poland conducted a while back, which involved a scenario in which Russian armoured forces invade Poland through the “Suwalki Gap”, a narrow corridor that links the Russian enclave of Kaliningrad with the Motherland. This is quite germane to the current time, given that, over the weekend, the Lithuanians did something so staggeringly stupid that it almost defies comprehension – they closed the Suwalki Gap to all rail and road traffic carrying Russian goods and citizens between Kaliningrad and the Russian heartland.

The Lithuanians staged a giant provocation that may draw all of Europe into a land war. How do you suppose that would go for Poland? Keep in mind, the Polacks conducted this exercise over 18 months ago, BEFORE they gave away over half of their tank fleet to the Banderites:

The scenario of the game assumed a plan for the defense of Eastern Poland against a Russian invasion through the Suwalki Gap. Polish Armed Forces were tasked with the defense of the region to the East of the Vistula River for 22 days with the use of all units at the disposal of the General Staff. The fulfilment of a new modernization program for the Polish Army was modelled into the wargame. It means that the new F-35 jet fighters, HIMARS artillery system, long-range A2/AD batteries equipped with Patriot system, modernized Leopard 2A4 brigade, and new Badger IFVs, were at the disposal of the defending side. It was the largest wargame of this type conducted since 1989.

The Polish news outlet, Interia.pl, managed to gather information from the participants of the “Winter-20” wargame. The testimonies of officers that had reportedly taken part in the drills were more than grim. With the original defense plan for the East, the Polish Armed Forces were unable to hold for the anticipated 22 days. Instead, on day 4 the Russian forces managed to reach the line of the Vistula River and encircle Poland’s capital, Warsaw. On the fifth day the remaining Polish forces left on the eastern bank of the river were virtually obliterated. It was assumed that the units fighting on the first line lost between 60 to 80% of their equipment and personnel within the opening 96 hours of operations. Furthermore, Onet Wiadomości reported that some of Polish division commanders refused to fulfil orders given by the General Staff as they were incomprehensible.

A similar scenario with a similar conclusion was conducted during the wargame conducted by Marine Corps War College in 2019. NATO forces were deployed in the same region and received similar tasks to stop the Russian invasion through the Suwalki Gap. As the outcome, after merely 72 hours the Polish Armed Forces received 75% losses and were incapable of conducting any further operations. They were practically drained defending the Suwalki Gap, with the Russian spearhead achieving a major blow.

The strategy of defending the area of Eastern Poland was based on the deployment of the 1st Armoured Brigade from Western Poland to Wesola near Warsaw. The Brigade consists of new Leopard 2A5 and Leopard 2PL MBTs and is a part of a newly created 18th Mechanized Division that was formed during the 100 anniversary of Polish independence. It was the idea of a former Minister of Defense, Antoni Macierewicz, a controversial figure.

Antoni Macierewicz is a politician closely tied to the ruling Law and Justice (PiS) party and he remained in radical circles and was defense minister until the government reformed 2018. During his time in the office, the Polish Armed Forces conducted purges among high-ranking officers, academic lecturers, chiefs of various committees, directorates, and members of the general staff. Macierewicz was accused of dismantling and politicizing the armed forces as he made changes suitable to his views and demands, for example, he turned down the Airbus contract for new MH-225M helicopters. He was also the creator of the WOT formation, which has arguably deprived the Armed Forces or much needed equipment reserves. Since then, the Polish Armed Forces condition began to deteriorate rapidly and Macierewicz was replaced with the current Minister of Defense, Mariusz Blaszczak.

I think that the Europeans are going to discover in a very big hurry that their grand schemes and plans of a pan-European alliance, capable of taking on Russia and winning, are nothing more than pipe dreams. NATO has proven to be totally impotent in the face of Russian combined-arms warfare and its C4ISR in the 404 War, against Slavs who actually know how to fight, and who possessed the largest land army in Europe aside from Russia’s, before the war. By comparison, the rest of Europe barely has enough strength to swat a fly, never mind take on the actual Russian army.

Linkage is good for you:

And some more from Dawn Pine:


The Neo-Tsar gave an absolutely outstanding, and extremely important, speech at the St. Petersburg International Economic Forum (SPIEF):

You can read the full transcript of the speech here. I do recommend doing so, as it is a keynote speech in every sense of the word.

Those Who Fail To Learn From History…

History lessons of the week from The Male Brain:

Your Great Man of the Week is none other than T. E. “Ned” Lawrence, aka “Lawrence of Arabia”:

HALO Nation

Generalkidd answers a question that most HALOniacs never even thought to ask:

And now let’s watch slayergod Remy aka Mint Blitz do his thing:

That’s Not Gone Well…

Wazzocks gonna wazzock:

Kitchen Nightmares with the Angry Scot:

Comedy hour:

Pictionary, Pulchritude, Pew-Pews

We start with some good stuff from Dawn Pine:

As a father, can relate
Not going to happen
I don’t see any 5 star review coming
Can’t relate to any of them
Nothing to see here
Can finally relate
And they still won’t find it
Get off the social media platforms
Me Too


The pain is real. IT IS REAL.
“But what if it’s actually 616?!?!”
He dies at the end. I clap.
The Wussification of Amerikhastan
It really should be a code for speed-dialling a mental health professional
The fact that her name is “London Breed“, and that isn’t a joke, tells us just how deep we are in Clown World

Headlines of the week indicate that Floriduh Man still can’t quite figure out the difference between Little Green Men and BIG GREEN ANGRY LIZARDS WITH TEETH:

Your “So That’s What They’re For” moment of the week:

Your “Rootin’ Tootin’ Breakfast Platter” moment of the week:

Your “Let’s Justify Something Stupid with SCIENCE!!!” moment of the week:

Your “Monkey’s Uncle” moment of the week:

Your “Web-Based Malfunction” moment of the week:

Your “Always Have a Backup” moment of the week:

Wait, is that Janice Dickinson, or Steven Tyler?!?!?!
Didact Sr., creator of THE WORST PUNS ON THE PLANET, thoroughly approves
This is why you don’t mess with Floriduh
And here we see the terrifying weaponry of the Spetsnaz standard-issue Assault Akita

Animal Planet

Your aminules are adorkable moment of the week:

And also your animals are absolute DICKS moment of the week, to balance things out:

And your meanwhile, in Russia moment of the week:

Must… resist…

Oh hell, I can’t.

“Ain’t that a hoot?”

Obvious pun is punny.

The Lords of Steel

Gym beast props this week go to SSJ Bobb:

Monday Muzak

Before we get to the really heavy stuff, let me introduce you to Two Steps from Hell, an American music production company that specialises in epic music and trailer scores. You have almost certainly heard their work in various movies, trailers, and video games before, though you probably would be unable to name the music until you hear it. Well, here you go – over 2hrs of epic epicness to keep you busy:

Fans of Hans Zimmer (like me), or the various HALO soundtracks (LIKE ME!!!) will enjoy that one.

Livin’ in the Land of the Metal Gods

Hot Totty

Right, here’s your Instathot to round things off and get the week off to a sufficiently tawdry start. This is Kim Hartnett, age 26, from near Brisbane, “Straya” – aka the country where LITERALLY EVERYTHING WANTS TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR EYEBALLS FOR JUJUBEES. She is a model, reality TV show contestant, and single mother. As with all things Australian, approach with extreme caution and run the hell away if it starts to pay attention to you.

OK, that’s all for today, lads, get back to work.

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