“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Franchise destruction day

by | May 4, 2022 | Office Space | 2 comments

I only realised that it is May the 4th while I was in the shower, preparing for the day. In all honesty, I don’t much care for STAR WARS Day anymore, simply because of the egregious and wanton acts of extreme destruction inflicted upon the franchise by the House of the Devil Mouse. Basically, anything released after, pretty much, 2014 in the STAR WARS film franchise, is basically useless and unworthy of the mantle.

But the original movies were something else. They were truly amazing. Even today, more than 40 years later, they still hold up exceptionally well. Yes, the dialogue is silly, some of the acting is absurd, the hairdos – particularly in the first film – are CLEARLY from the 1970s (NOT a good thing), and the plots have HUGE holes that you could pilot Death Stars through.

And yet… and yet…

Those original films retain their old magic. They still tell, at their core, the story of the Hero’s Journey from callow, untested yoot, to seasoned, wise, and highly skilled MAN. That is their appeal, their great strength and merit.

So, in honour of what the franchise used to be, let us take a moment to remember STAR WARS for what it was, before those [series of extremely graphic and crude Russian curses deleted] at the House of the Devil Mouse got their filthy paws on it:

The prequels were just okay, but there were some truly legendary and epic scenes from them, too:

And now let’s treat the current state of the franchise as it deserves. Here are some great memes from our good friend, The Male Brain:

I’d say “Kamala Harris” desperate
I’m sensing it too
Makes sense
Can be used when it’s a Monday
He had to train for a few movies…
That would really shorten the movies
That is just another reason not do any crossovers

Here are some videos explaining why the Devil Mouse Wars crap is so bad – not that WE need any explanation, obviously:

Here’s what happens when you screw with what works, in favour of “THE MESSAGE”:

Let’s leave the last, and very poignant, word to our drunken Scottish friend:

His final statements in that second video really hit the FEELZ hard, eh? He’s every bit as disappointed as the rest of us are – we wanted Devil Mouse Wars to be great, and instead of just giving the fans a great story with relatable characters and epic villains, the House of the Devil Mouse shat in their faces.

Fortunately, the Devil Mouse is suffering from horrible financial results right now, so they’re getting exactly what they deserved.

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    Aw come on Didact, I know you hate The Phantom Menace, but the podrace and the Duel of the Fates are two of the best action sequences in the entire sextet. I’ve finally accepted that I love that one, despite being 17 when it came out and fully aware that it’s an objectively terrible film.

    The best I can muster up for Star Wars now is indifference. New trailer for the Obi-wan show dropped today? Oh, that’s nice. Maybe I’ll watch it eventually. I still haven’t even bothered to watch Solo, more because I have better things to do than because I’m actively avoiding it.

    Even the video games, which used to be world-class when LucasArts was making them in the 90’s and even the 00’s, are just sad imitations of what came before.

    If you want to rekindle your love of Star Wars, I can’t recommend X-Wing Alliance (currently on sale for $3.50 on Steam) with the XWA Upgrade Pack (https://www.xwaupgrade.com/) highly enough. The XWA campaign is pretty great on its own and ends with one of the better playable renditions of the Battle of Endor, and the upgrade pack makes the game look like it came out this year, and they updated nearly all of the models and sounds to be authentic to the films. You can also install the TIE FIghter Total Conversion (https://www.moddb.com/mods/tie-fighter-total-conversion-tftc), which is just absolutely incredible.

  2. Robert W

    The opening in RotS, with the deep drums and slow entry into the chaos over Coruscant, is masterful. Still drives a chill, only made better through the background of the clone wars (now that the eu books have been purged)

    Star wars needed less Disney and more Lucas.


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