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Fartily ever after

by | Jan 6, 2022 | Office Space | 10 comments

There is a rather noxious, and honestly absolutely hilarious, story that has been trending for the past day or two, about a (really quite attractive) woman who figured out a brilliant new business model. She made $200,000 from it, in fact, before circumstances forced her to cease and desist.

What, precisely, was her business model?

Selling her own farts to guys for $1,000 per jar.

It’s Just a Gas

The story just gets smellier from there, really. And, perhaps inevitably, quite a lot of news outlets caught a whiff of it – I’m sayin’ they smelled what she was cookin’ – so the story blew out all over the world:

A former reality star who made $200,000 from farting in jars and selling her wind to fans has announced her retirement, after she was rushed to hospital for squeezing out one too many.

Steph Matto, 31, from Connecticut, recently found herself in the emergency room after experiencing shooting pains in her chest.

She thought she was having a heart attack or a stroke, and was convinced she was going to die any moment. 

Concerned doctors performed blood tests and an EKG but later told the 90 Day Fiancé star that the symptoms were actually caused by excess gas from her frequent diet of beans, eggs, and banana protein shakes.

‘I thought I was having a stroke and that these were my final moments,’ Steph told Jam Press. ‘I was overdoing it.’

She began selling her farts back in November, after receiving requests on the adult-content site Unfiltrd.

She charged $1,000 for the unique product, though Steph offered a 50 per cent discount during the festive period, and made $200,000 in total from the business venture.

To keep up with demand – which saw her squeeze out up to 50 jars worth of farts a week – the self-proclaimed ‘fartrepreneur’ opted for a fibre-high diet, living off beans and eggs.

She later added protein shakes to the mix after discovering it made the farts smell worse.

In case you are wondering, this is what Ms Stepanka Matto looks like:

A former reality star who made $200,000 from farting in jars and selling her wind to fans has announced her retirement, after she was rushed to hospital for squeezing out one too many
Steph began documenting her unusual talent on TikTok last year, and has since gained more than 100,000 followers on the app

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

When I first got wind of this story, so to speak – which inevitably happened because I was a bit bored and scrolling through TEH YOOTOOBZ – here was an approximate summary of my reactions, told in meme form:

I don't want to live on this planet anymore - I Dont Want ...
forgiveness stops | Funny af memes, Af memes, Funny reaction pictures
Superhero/Comic Based Films & Tv - Vol.2 - Page 44 ...
Virtual-Babaji-Vishwananda: God Pressing Reset Button on Earth

The Dogpile

Of course, a number of shitlords happily produced some quite pungent commentary on the issue. Here is Jeremy from The Quartering, which is where I originally sniffed out the stink of this story:

And here is Joker from Better Bachelor – who very sadly lost his father on Dec 27th, so my condolences and good wishes to him and his mother during a very difficult time:

Clearing the Air

At this point, I have to note that people in the USA often pay $200K, or thereabouts, to attend some of the most prestigious business schools in the world for 2 years to learn how to get good at “doing business”.

This lady figured out how to recoup ALL of those costs in the space of ONE WEEK, by selling her FARTS to simps online!!!

More than that, she actually took her production line really seriously – to the point where she put her own physical health in danger to produce real product. She could have just taken a bunch of empty bottles and sprayed the insides with, oh I dunno, doe-in-heat urine, or maybe skunk spray, or stink-bait, and sold that.

Instead, she acted responsibly and insisted on actually producing REAL farts, with REAL digestive effects involved.

If nothing else, I really have to salute Ms Matto for her ingenuity. Not only that, but she just destroyed the entire raison d’etre for every single business school and commerce course out there.

RESPECT to you, Miss. I genuinely mean that. Having studied business extensively for years, the brilliance, simplicity, and niche marketing involved in all of this, is amazing. And she had the actual drive, dedication, and work ethic to really commit to her business model.

They Who Dealt It

Stories like this are hysterically funny. They are also absolutely pathetic and depressing.

This isn’t the first example of its kind. Remember Belle Delphine, the e-thot who figured out how to get thirsty simps to pay about $30 for bottles of her “used” bath-water? Women like this can do what they do, ENTIRELY because of men.

It’s just that simple. Men constantly complain about how awful modren women are, and how dreadful the sex, dating, and marriage markets are, because women are so trashy. Well, guess why they behave that way! It’s because we, as men, reward them for shitty behaviour.

Guys who pay for OnlySimps accounts, or who pay e-thots like “Amouranth” to call them losers to their (virtual) faces, are the problem.

By the way, Kaitlyn Siragusa, the Texan lady behind the Amouranth persona, has seriously hit the Wall. She looked like this a few years ago:

Picture of Amouranth

This is what she looks like now:

Amouranth is Twitch's most popular female streamer

That should put things into perspective. Guys are paying THOUSANDS of dollars, of REAL MONEY, for rapidly depreciating assets that give them absolutely nothing in exchange. (One who has managed to get herself banned repeatedly, in fact.)

This is OUR FAULT. We need to own this shit.

Remember, Eve sinned first, that is true – but Adam sinned alongside her, because he was afraid of being alone. And because of his weakness, we have the situation that we see today, where women are in open rebellion and exploiting sad, faithless, lost men.

This message is not relevant to my readers, I know. Just about everyone who reads my work already knows better than to pay real money for virtual relationships with e-thots.

But, if you are in the minority of men who does have a monthly OnlySimps subscription, or who contributes money to Twitch e-thots for jiggling their ample tits on-screen, YOU. ARE. THE. PROBLEM.

So STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. Just stop. Be a man, own up to your responsibility, and walk away from supplying e-thots with the means by which they can take advantage of you.

Rise and Take Command

Many of the Gammas and Omegas who pay for the lifestyles of e-thots think that they cannot get a girl in real life. That is a loser’s way of thinking. I used to think that way too. I struggled mightily for years with the whole “how do I get DA GIRRRRRLZZZ” thing.

You want to know how to do it?

Come closer, I’ll whisper it in your ear.

Right, here’s how, bro:


That’s it. Seriously. That’s all you have to do.

And you do that by getting off of these paid streaming services, and by doing things in the real world that demonstrate your value.

Get in decent shape – you don’t need to look like a Calvin Klein underwear model. I sure as shit don’t. I look like what I am – basically, a sort of fat hairy bear of a powerlifter. Doesn’t change the fact that I can squat 315lbs and deadlift 455lbs.

Put together a reasonably decent wardrobe with colours other than black and grey. (This was a challenge for me, for years.) Get clothes that fit and are of good quality.

Find yourself some interesting, fun hobbies that get you out into the wider world – martial arts, dancing, shooting, team sports, etc. Get out and about with people. Build masculine friendships with men better than you at everything – because by spending time around them, you make yourself better.

Most importantly, when the time comes – and, if you do the things noted above, it WILL come – stand up, take charge, and lead. Do so in a group, or in an activity, or in a speaking engagement, or whatever strikes your fancy. But rise and take command. Take the opportunities offered to you, and make the most of them.

I can say from personal experience that these things absolutely work. To my considerable surprise, I find myself having to fend off feminine attention with a pointy stick these days, simply because I have a natural inclination to lead and to do things the way I want to do them.

It’s as simple – and as difficult – as refusing to pay a woman for her farts.

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  1. thedeti

    oh my God. OH MY GOD.

    $1000 a jar. For a fart.

    A group of men paid $1000 a pop for one jar containing a hot woman’s flatulence.

    Men of my generation wasted that kind of money on hookers, sugar babies, and lap dances from strippers. And THAT is wasting money.

    Men actually paying $1000 a pop for a jar of gas from hot ass makes me ashamed of my gender.

    These men need to hang their heads in shame. If you pay money for a hot woman’s flatulence, you have no self respect.

    Lift weights. Lose weight. Work. Make money. Do something. But dude – if you’re giving your money to women and all you’re getting is air, you deserve to have your money taken from you.

    • Didact

      “Hot Ass Gas” – I need to trademark that. Actually, I’m surprised that the woman in question didn’t, because she’d make a bloody fortune.

      Lift weights. Lose weight. Work. Make money. Do something. But dude – if you’re giving your money to women and all you’re getting is air, you deserve to have your money taken from you.

      Amen, Reverend.

    • doclove

      Actually men spending money on hookers and sugar babies who then proceed to pleasure and ejaculate men’s penises would be a much better use of money. Even going to strippers which I consider to be masturbation without payoff would be a slightly better use of men;s money because at least the stripper get naked and rub themselves against their customers.one of the problems with most of the West especially in the USA is that prostitution is prohibited by law and in the few rural counties in the deserts of the state of Nevada in the USA it is outrageously expensive to the tune of I’ve heard with rare exception at least $1000 U. S. dollars for a fellartio and coitus whereas in Germany and the Netherlands this can be had for under $200 U.S. dollars. Western culture and American culture in particular brain washes men into gleefully accepting abuse from women.

  2. Adam

    Matto means crazy in Italian. Fitting.

    • Didact

      Crazy like a fox, if she made $200K off of gullible simps by selling her farts. Seriously, I’m sorely tempted to forward this story to some B-school professors I know that specialise in marketing and strategy, to see what they have to say about it. Would be hilarious to gauge their reactions.

  3. Jim S

    Pure genius. A thot gets the onlysimps crowd to fork over money for farts. I guess really desperate men live in a fantasy world. Truly interesting times we live in.

    • Didact

      Yeah – “may it be your fortune to live in interesting times” genuinely is a curse, and a very effective one.

  4. Robert W

    This is a top-shelf low-rent money laundering operation.
    Low transaction costs, delivery really doesn’t matter…and some 200 men who probably voted for Biden from the grave get a jar.

    Cash comes in, hot air sent back out.

    That all makes sense as an explanation until this involved a hospital visit for dietary complications…now I do think it’s a real story and more depressing for having no alternative explanation.

    • Didact

      Apparently it’s absolutely real – my buddy Kyle Trouble actually watches that show for shits and giggles, and he says she’s always good for goofballing.

  5. Scavos

    Good God. And I thought Skippy the Mormon and Pokimane simps were cringey…


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