There is a rather noxious, and honestly absolutely hilarious, story that has been trending for the past day or two, about a (really quite attractive) woman who figured out a brilliant new business model. She made $200,000 from it, in fact, before circumstances forced her to cease and desist.
What, precisely, was her business model?
Selling her own farts to guys for $1,000 per jar.
It’s Just a Gas
The story just gets smellier from there, really. And, perhaps inevitably, quite a lot of news outlets caught a whiff of it – I’m sayin’ they smelled what she was cookin’ – so the story blew out all over the world:
A former reality star who made $200,000 from farting in jars and selling her wind to fans has announced her retirement, after she was rushed to hospital for squeezing out one too many.
Steph Matto, 31, from Connecticut, recently found herself in the emergency room after experiencing shooting pains in her chest.
She thought she was having a heart attack or a stroke, and was convinced she was going to die any moment.
Concerned doctors performed blood tests and an EKG but later told the 90 Day Fiancé star that the symptoms were actually caused by excess gas from her frequent diet of beans, eggs, and banana protein shakes.
‘I thought I was having a stroke and that these were my final moments,’ Steph told Jam Press. ‘I was overdoing it.’
She began selling her farts back in November, after receiving requests on the adult-content site Unfiltrd.
She charged $1,000 for the unique product, though Steph offered a 50 per cent discount during the festive period, and made $200,000 in total from the business venture.
To keep up with demand – which saw her squeeze out up to 50 jars worth of farts a week – the self-proclaimed ‘fartrepreneur’ opted for a fibre-high diet, living off beans and eggs.
She later added protein shakes to the mix after discovering it made the farts smell worse.
In case you are wondering, this is what Ms Stepanka Matto looks like:
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
When I first got wind of this story, so to speak – which inevitably happened because I was a bit bored and scrolling through TEH YOOTOOBZ – here was an approximate summary of my reactions, told in meme form:
Of course, a number of shitlords happily produced some quite pungent commentary on the issue. Here is Jeremy from The Quartering, which is where I originally sniffed out the stink of this story:
And here is Joker from Better Bachelor – who very sadly lost his father on Dec 27th, so my condolences and good wishes to him and his mother during a very difficult time:
Clearing the Air
At this point, I have to note that people in the USA often pay $200K, or thereabouts, to attend some of the most prestigious business schools in the world for 2 years to learn how to get good at “doing business”.
This lady figured out how to recoup ALL of those costs in the space of ONE WEEK, by selling her FARTS to simps online!!!
More than that, she actually took her production line really seriously – to the point where she put her own physical health in danger to produce real product. She could have just taken a bunch of empty bottles and sprayed the insides with, oh I dunno, doe-in-heat urine, or maybe skunk spray, or stink-bait, and sold that.
Instead, she acted responsibly and insisted on actually producing REAL farts, with REAL digestive effects involved.
If nothing else, I really have to salute Ms Matto for her ingenuity. Not only that, but she just destroyed the entire raison d’etre for every single business school and commerce course out there.
RESPECT to you, Miss. I genuinely mean that. Having studied business extensively for years, the brilliance, simplicity, and niche marketing involved in all of this, is amazing. And she had the actual drive, dedication, and work ethic to really commit to her business model.
They Who Dealt It
Stories like this are hysterically funny. They are also absolutely pathetic and depressing.
This isn’t the first example of its kind. Remember Belle Delphine, the e-thot who figured out how to get thirsty simps to pay about $30 for bottles of her “used” bath-water? Women like this can do what they do, ENTIRELY because of men.
It’s just that simple. Men constantly complain about how awful modren women are, and how dreadful the sex, dating, and marriage markets are, because women are so trashy. Well, guess why they behave that way! It’s because we, as men, reward them for shitty behaviour.
Guys who pay for OnlySimps accounts, or who pay e-thots like “Amouranth” to call them losers to their (virtual) faces, are the problem.
By the way, Kaitlyn Siragusa, the Texan lady behind the Amouranth persona, has seriously hit the Wall. She looked like this a few years ago:
This is what she looks like now:
That should put things into perspective. Guys are paying THOUSANDS of dollars, of REAL MONEY, for rapidly depreciating assets that give them absolutely nothing in exchange. (One who has managed to get herself banned repeatedly, in fact.)
This is OUR FAULT. We need to own this shit.
Remember, Eve sinned first, that is true – but Adam sinned alongside her, because he was afraid of being alone. And because of his weakness, we have the situation that we see today, where women are in open rebellion and exploiting sad, faithless, lost men.
This message is not relevant to my readers, I know. Just about everyone who reads my work already knows better than to pay real money for virtual relationships with e-thots.
But, if you are in the minority of men who does have a monthly OnlySimps subscription, or who contributes money to Twitch e-thots for jiggling their ample tits on-screen, YOU. ARE. THE. PROBLEM.
So STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. Just stop. Be a man, own up to your responsibility, and walk away from supplying e-thots with the means by which they can take advantage of you.
Rise and Take Command
Many of the Gammas and Omegas who pay for the lifestyles of e-thots think that they cannot get a girl in real life. That is a loser’s way of thinking. I used to think that way too. I struggled mightily for years with the whole “how do I get DA GIRRRRRLZZZ” thing.
You want to know how to do it?
Come closer, I’ll whisper it in your ear.
Right, here’s how, bro:
BE SOMEONE WORTH KNOWING!!!
That’s it. Seriously. That’s all you have to do.
And you do that by getting off of these paid streaming services, and by doing things in the real world that demonstrate your value.
Get in decent shape – you don’t need to look like a Calvin Klein underwear model. I sure as shit don’t. I look like what I am – basically, a sort of fat hairy bear of a powerlifter. Doesn’t change the fact that I can squat 315lbs and deadlift 455lbs.
Put together a reasonably decent wardrobe with colours other than black and grey. (This was a challenge for me, for years.) Get clothes that fit and are of good quality.
Find yourself some interesting, fun hobbies that get you out into the wider world – martial arts, dancing, shooting, team sports, etc. Get out and about with people. Build masculine friendships with men better than you at everything – because by spending time around them, you make yourself better.
Most importantly, when the time comes – and, if you do the things noted above, it WILL come – stand up, take charge, and lead. Do so in a group, or in an activity, or in a speaking engagement, or whatever strikes your fancy. But rise and take command. Take the opportunities offered to you, and make the most of them.
I can say from personal experience that these things absolutely work. To my considerable surprise, I find myself having to fend off feminine attention with a pointy stick these days, simply because I have a natural inclination to lead and to do things the way I want to do them.
It’s as simple – and as difficult – as refusing to pay a woman for her farts.