A number of controversies have erupted within the loose conglomeration of writers and content creators within “The Manosphere” over the past few months, and they have become severe enough that they warrant further attention and analysis. I realise that I am rather late to these parties, since, quite frankly, I don’t much care for this sort of drama and don’t really pay much attention to it. But there are some hard lessons to learn here, which we as men need to absorb and understand in order to put all of this behind us.
Today, I want to discuss two controversies in particular – the first being the “Jack Murphy Cuck-Rage” episode, and the second being the “Wakandan War”.
Understand, I have no personal animus against anyone mentioned in this article. To be honest, I didn’t have the first clue who most of the actors involved were, before several TEH YOOTOOBZ channels that I monitor, made mention about them. So whatever follows is not an attack on anyone. I cast no aspersions on anyone’s character, and have no desire to get involved in “clout-chasing” or any such nonsense.
This is about calling out some rather unflattering examples of bad and petty behaviour, to help you understand what NOT to do when confronted with your own personal failures.
So let’s get started.
The Cuck-Rage Episode
I have spent a full decade learning about “the red pill” and getting involved (admittedly fairly superficially) in various communities associated with that movement. And in all of that time, I had never heard of one Jack Murphy before last week. This isn’t actually very surprising – I only follow, or care about, a very limited number of big hitters in the Manosphere.
But then, our man Joker from Better Bachelor did a video in which he discussed a rather odd moment from the self-described “Alpha Male” in question, when he was confronted by some of his past writings:
The reaction from Mr. Murphy seemed downright weird, since I completely lacked the context of the original article. So I went and looked it up.
It’s… weird. I don’t recommend reading it unless you like taking acid baths afterwards to make yourself feel clean. The Cliff Notes version is: Mr. Murphy happily allowed other men to have sex with his girlfriend, claimed that this is quite Alpha, and proceeded to call his detractors all sorts of silly names.
Given what Mr. Murphy wrote, it is not in the least bit surprising that he got absolutely hammered by the Manosphere community for his… ungentlemanly reaction to an honest and perfectly reasonable question:
That is just a taste of how much bad press Mr. Murphy copped. The sheer amount of anger and repudiation directed at him is pretty astonishing. If you have the time or the inclination to wade through the morass of YouTube videos on the subject, Mr. Murphy’s reputation is taking an absolute beating, and he may not recover.
Again, Joker‘s video on the subject alerted me to this particular issue. And, again, I had absolutely no idea who the people involved were until I started looking into the issue.
The crux of the problem, insofar as I can understand it (and I probably don’t), is as follows:
The Fresh and Fit podcast purports to give dating, fitness, and financial advice to men through the “red pill” lens. It is hosted by Myron Gaines (who may actually be a Somali Arab by the name of Amrou Fudl) and Walter Weekes. They got involved in a bit of a kerfuffle with another channel, Aba & Preach, when the latter channel called out theirs for hypocrisy. Apparently, the issue centred around Mr. Gaines’s use of online “pay to play” services, such as SeekingArrangement and others, even as he consistently lectures men that they must refuse to pay for sex.
(This, of course, blindly ignores the fact that ALL MEN PAY FOR SEX, one way or another, in one form or another. It just depends on how you define cost and value.)
This issue blew up for a while online, with many different channels deriding Fresh & Fit for being complete hypocrites. Those channels used segments of particular podcast episodes from Fresh & Fit, and commented upon them. This is normal behaviour and acceptable in the USA, under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act’s (DMCA) Fair Use provisions.
The Fresh & Fit channel creators and administrators responded to the controversy by generating huge numbers of copyright strikes against other channels that used their clips to comment on their misdeeds. They did so while asserting that other channels were, and are, ripping off their content to “clout-chase” and build their own user bases off of Fresh & Fit’s base.
The response from the YouTube community was swift, brutal, and furious:
You’ll want to turn down the volume when you get to the lawyer’s segment, if you watch that video. MAN was he pissed. Oh, and if you have children around, the video slings around quite a lot of “niggaz” and “bitches” and so on throughout the video (key concept: Black guys talking smack about each other), so exercise discretion.
There are a lot of takeaways from both sorry, sordid, unfortunate episodes, and genuinely humble men would be well advised to pay heed to them.
1. Admit Your Mistakes
When you are wrong, admit to it. Own your mistakes and errors of judgement. I have made so many mistakes over the past 15 years that they are truly beyond counting. You can find them documented, at some length, all over this site, if you care to go through the archives and read about them.
(Serious props here go to my good friend, The Male Brain, who has literally done exactly that – the guy is either a glutton for punishment, or loyal to a fault, or both. We’ve actually met in person, and I can sincerely say that he is a righteous dude.)
My greatest mistake is one for which I continue to pay the price to this day – my embrace of atheism at a young age. This compounded my already preexisting Gamma tendencies and made me quite hopeless with a number of social, professional, and romantic situations. I am only now beginning to undo some of that damage, and believe me, it’s a hard road that lies through a narrow door. I’m not even sure if I’ve passed through that door yet.
In like manner, examine yourself in the mirror, harshly and critically, and when others call you out on your bullshit, admit it and move on. Those who will dwell on your mistakes and bring them up over and over again are themselves small and insecure people. But those who are genuinely good and decent people will forgive you, if only you own up to your issues.
2. You Are Not What YOU Think
The Jack Murphy Case in particular illustrates a very harsh core truth of the Socio-Sexual Hierarchy. As explicitly stated, repeatedly, by Our Beloved and Dreaded Supreme Dark Lord (PBUH) Voxemort the Most Merciless and Terrible, you do not get to decide your position on the SSH.
As with every rule, there are exceptions, and one can reasonably and convincingly argue that OBADSDL(PBUH) essentially invented the Sigma archetype to describe himself, because the Alpha paradigm didn’t suit him well. The flaw with that argument lies in the fact that it is observably true that extremely intelligent, charismatic, disruptive, and sexually desirable loners do exist outside of societal norms, and they do not care what you think of them. They are also sexually very successful and do not play well within existing hierarchies.
Nonetheless, the rule remains: if you walk around bigging up yourself and calling yourself an Alpha, you emphatically ARE NOT an Alpha. At all. You are a poseur, and sooner or later, you will trip up and be exposed for what you are. When that day of reckoning comes, it will be very ugly indeed, if you do not pay attention to Lesson 1.
One of the worst recent examples of this is, of course, Blackdragon, aka Caleb Jones. At least he is sort of honest about his own failings, which I can respect. But he spends an awful lot of time going on about his “Alpha Male 2.0” lifestyle, when, in reality, he is making money from men who follow bad advice to poor ends.
Quit obsessing over whether you are an Alpha, a Beta (Bravo), or whatever. Instead, fix your eye FIRMLY and UNFLINCHINGLY on what is TRUE. ALWAYS move toward that truth. NEVER falter. NEVER back down. No matter what it costs, no matter how much it hurts, always keep moving FORWARD – toward that truth.
The rest will take care of itself.
3. Be Just, Not Vengeful
There are times when slaughtering all of the male members of an enemy’s tribe, subjugating or absorbing his women, reducing his cities to rubble, and wiping clean from the Earth any trace that he ever existed, is a reasonable course of action. Of course, this only applies in situations when your enemy has failed to reach an accommodation with you, and has repeatedly shown himself to be untrustworthy in peace agreements, and has betrayed his word, over and over again.
That is not the situation in which Fresh & Fit found themselves when they started nuking – or attempting to nuke – other people’s channels.
They were punching down, HARD, simply to stifle criticism of their own behaviour. This is profoundly idiotic and simply makes them look really stupid.
Instead of trying to smash or stifle dissent, especially when people criticise you, let them wear themselves out. Reacting in an hysterical or over-the-top fashion is unmanly in the extreme. Do not lash out in such situations. Accept the criticism, respond to it calmly and rationally, take the advice of those whom you trust, and get on with it.
The exception to this rule is, of course, when such attacks go from being merely scurrilous to outright libellous. In the USA, libel is very hard to prove, because Americans enjoy the benefits (and drawbacks) of the First Amendment. But in other countries, libel laws are quite strong and exist to prevent people from damaging the reputations and livelihoods of others. Tread carefully through both the letter and the spirit of the law here.
4. Worry About Character, Not Reputation
As mentioned in my review of the epic and brilliant film, The King’s Man, one of the best lines in the entire movie is that great one about how “reputation is what people think of you – character is what you are”.
If your reputation is a fearsome one, but your character is that of a coward, it will not take very long before your reputation collapses beneath the weight of contradictions that you created for yourself.
But, if your reputation is one of stoicism, calm resolve, and deliberate, decisive action, and that’s who you really are underneath, then people WILL notice.
I am no one’s idea of a sterling example of a life well lived. Indeed, as I have stated many times on these very pages, my life’s Sacred Purpose appears to be to serve as a stark warning to others of what NOT to do with one’s limited time on Earth. I often joke these days that I should really just walk around with a big sign on my head, upon which will be written, “DON’T DO WHAT THIS GUY DOES”.
But, if that is who and what my Creator needs me to be, then so be it – I am content.
Judging by my non-existent career, my inability (at times) to control my emotions, and my often intemperate outbursts about certain things, my reputation is that of a loser – and let’s be honest, that’s the truth. I have failed at almost everything that I have ever tried. Trust me, it is not fun to point that out.
What, then, is my character? That is not for me to decide – it is for others to say. But enough people have said, here and elsewhere, that I am not what my reputation says I am, that I think I have the right to pass on some wisdom to others. I recently got an email from someone that I respect a lot, praising me for my honesty, humility (!!!), and maturity, which certainly helped make my day at the time.
You be the judge of whether any of that is true. But do not forget that your character is what truly matters. Work on that first.
6. Embrace Conflict
As stated so many times here and elsewhere, “conflict is the very air that we breathe, it is the water that we drink, it is the food that we eat, it is the ground upon which we walk”. Do not be afraid of conflict or disagreement. Embrace it. Revel in it. Enjoy the fight, for it is proof positive that you are alive and that you are doing good work.
This, by the way, is easier said than done. You may be surprised to learn that I myself do not particularly enjoy conflict, personally. I shy away from it and actually do try not to disagree with people in polite social situations. My loved ones, of course, know a very different side of me – an argumentative, disagreeable, stubborn, difficult cuss who sees every statement and idea as up for debate and will quite happily debate over trivia and minutiae, to the point of irritation and frustration for others.
That latter trait takes things too far. Don’t make that mistake, which I make often. Know when to back off and simply say, “you have your view, and I have mine”. When your view is rooted in and built upon and pointed toward that which is True, you simply don’t need to worry about what anyone else thinks.
7. Clean Your Garments
If you are not a hypocrite, then the first sign that you are having an impact or effect in this world is when you run into difficulties. Enemy fire is the first sign that you are over the target. Those attacks will often be calculated, precise, and filled with malicious intent – but they may also well be desperate, clumsy, and scattered.
If you ARE a hypocrite, though, the attacks that come at you will almost always be calm, rational, reasoned, and respectful. Only if you respond to them poorly, will the intensity ramp up into personal attacks. So don’t respond poorly.
Be calm, assess your mistakes, and admit to them. If the attacks continue, and you have cleaned your garments, do not be concerned.
Conclusion – First Remove the Log From Your Own Eye
As the two episodes noted above tell us with absolute certainty, hypocrisy is ugly, unpleasant, and stupid. Engaging in it will only result in a profound loss of respect for you as a man. Do not engage in it. Clean up your own closet. Be open about your past and your mistakes – to the extent practicable, given your own personal circumstances. And do not be afraid to admit your errors and mistakes.
Most of us are afraid to admit our mistakes even to ourselves, let alone to others. But when you do admit them, you force yourself to confront the man that you were – and that man will be weaker, less capable, less dangerous, and less resilient than the man that you can become.
By contrast, those who admit their own mistakes easily and often, can move past them quickly and efficiently. “Fail Faster” is not a slogan, it is a way of life. When you fail to live up to your own ideals – and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US, including yours truly, does so – then admit it, correct the problem, and move on. Do not dwell on the folly, but get on with pointing yourself toward that which is True.
Again, do that, and the rest will take care of itself.