Yep. H5:G has by far the stupidest, most incomprehensibly dumb, idiotic, “progressive” (read: retarded) plot of ANY game in the franchise. And that includes the two HALO Wars games.

I’ve heard a lot of people say that the multiplayer in that game is SUPER AWESOME AMAZEBALLS. Well, maybe it is, but I don’t bother with multiplayer so I could not care less.

But I do care about the campaign, and… it’s HORRIFICALLY bad.

You are right that the in-game universe is now completely borked because of the existence of the Guardians. 343i attempts to get around this by using a lot of handwavium in the expanded universe lore and saying that the Guardians exist to subjugate rebellious systems.

Wellllll… ooooookaayyyyy… then what about those gigantic Forerunner fleets with 300Km-long ships packed with world-destroying assbeat that we saw in H4? And in HALO Wars? And what about the completely indestructible Forerunner Dreadnought that we saw in H2 and H3 that proved completely invulnerable to MAC rounds?

The whole plot of the game is one giant snarled-up knotted ball of STUPID.

I hate the Guardians too. They break the universe in the same way that the Holdo maneuver breaks Star Wars. Just like capital ships and Death Stars make no sense in a universe where any idiot with a hyperdrive and an asteroid can ruin them, the Halo rings make no sense in a universe where weapons that can just magically shut down all technology exist.

As far as COD ripoff goes, the literal first thing I did after playing the game for 5 seconds was go into the menu and bring back the classic Halo 3 control scheme. None of that ADS crap for me. I want to throw grenades with my left trigger and stay scoped until I get hit, as God intended.

That’s the way to do it. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition – and no more of this stupid ADS shit.

“Among my biggest bugbears with that game is the fact that it does absolutely nothing with the squad-based mechanics.”

Agreed, and the rank stupidity of the AI drives me INSANE. It’s worse than the H2 Marines who drive in circles and then randomly park directly in front of a Wraith.

Right before the first Warden fight, you fight what feels like 50 crawlers and 20 soldiers in a big open area with a nice elevated vantage point. I armed my entire squad with sniper rifles, giving up the chance to max out my own ammo, with the hope that they would hang back with me and take everything out at range. Imagine my surprise and horror when they ignored my orders and RAN RIGHT UP TO THEM with the OTHER weapon they were holding (usually a dinky plasma pistol or AR), and died immediately! On top of that, if you take the sniper back, there’s like 4 shots left in it! It was full when I gave it to you, what the hell?!?!?

The only thing they’re good for on Legendary is distracting the bad guys so that I can land headshots, and reviving me if there’s nothing around with a power weapon or instant-kill attack.

As far as COD ripoff goes, the literal first thing I did after playing the game for 5 seconds was go into the menu and bring back the classic Halo 3 control scheme. None of that ADS crap for me. I want to throw grenades with my left trigger and stay scoped until I get hit, as God intended.

The one with the first Warden fight) and all you get is a boring charge up a hill with a bunch of turrets, at the very END of the damn level. You don’t even get to blow up a single vehicle!

Yeah exactly. It’s retarded. All of the power and lethality of a freakin’ SCORPION MBT at your disposal and all you end up doing is slaughtering a bunch of Armigers and Knights. It’s just not interesting.

Speaking of H5, my impression so far is that 343 doubled down on every mistake Bungie made with H2

Your impression is spot-on. My opinion of H5:G has gone significantly downhill over the years and I’ve written about the reasons why here, here, and here. I agree entirely with everything you criticise. H5:G did inded take all the biggest mistakes of H2 and double or triple down on them. It’s just a mess of a game, despite having some great moments in it.

Among my biggest bugbears with that game is the fact that it does absolutely nothing with the squad-based mechanics. That was a tremendous wasted opportunity. They actually brought in the guy who designed STAR WARS: Republic Commando, which is a GREAT FPS game, but they made a game that is significantly WORSE in terms of squad dynamics. In SWRC you can tell teammates to snipe and take up anti-armour positions and set demo charges and so on – in H5:G the characters are all completely interchangeable and can’t do anything more than run around like headless chickens. It’s infuriating to see, because the designers could easily have created a game in which you can assign your team’s sniper specialist to take out targets from range, your demolitions expert to blow shit up, and your CQB specialist to take on targets in melee combat.

THAT game would have been SUPER AWESOME AMAZEBALLS. The game we got instead was basically a bad CoD ripoff.

Haha, true that. I just finished the 5th level (Unconfirmed I think it’s called? The one with the first Warden fight) and all you get is a boring charge up a hill with a bunch of turrets, at the very END of the damn level. You don’t even get to blow up a single vehicle!

Speaking of H5, my impression so far is that 343 doubled down on every mistake Bungie made with H2. Don’t like playing half the game as the Arbiter (unfair in my opinion because the Arbiter rules)? Play almost all of this one as Locke! Don’t like ridiculous boss fights which kill your immersion with silly video game nonsense like invincibility and infinitely respawning mobs? Have 4 of the exact same one (I’ve spoiled myself)! Don’t like characters who aren’t explained and come out of nowhere (Gravemind)? Here’s another one (Warden)! Don’t like how you die in like 5 hits? No problem, we’ll kill you even faster in H5!