I’m honoured to present another great guest post from our good friend Dawn Pine, aka The Male Brain. Dawn took issue with a point raised by Joker from Better Bachelor in a video featured in last week’s Great Mondaydact Browser Buster. Given his experience with dating divorced single mothers, Dawn decided to provide an alternative point of view. Obviously, I don’t agree with this perspective, since I approach relationships from a Christian perspective and Dawn from a largely secular one. But I think that Dawn’s words are worth considering, and I very much appreciate his taking the time to put his thoughts down. Gentlemen, pay special attention to the point that he makes about NOT pursuing monogamous exclusive relationships with these women. Exceptions to this rule are few and far between. Many thanks as always to Dawn for his superb contributions.
Another Point of View
In Monday’s Hawaii’s edition, our beloved host showed a vid from Joker about why many men won’t date single moms. This is where my views are clearly quite different. As I stated before, when it comes to personal freedom, there are 3 options
- Enjoy the Decline (black pill);
- Save Civilisation (red pill);
- Combination of the two (purple pill);
Today I’m wearing my “Enjoy the Decline” hat.
I’m a divorced dad of two, in my late 40s. In the following post I’ll try to highlight the reason I date single/divorced moms. To the best of my ability, I’ll share my experiences and reasons, but also the circumstances under which one should go for it.
The TL;DR version is simple – single moms are for non-monogamous relations and recommended to guys who are “old enough”.
What are you looking for?
One of the first things I do when I give advice is to understand what the other person is looking for. This is the basis of strategy. A good strategy tells you how to get from where you are to where you want to be. So the first thing you need to do is to understand what your “end game” is.
One VERY important caveat, though. I’ll say it here before I give MY reasons for dating and being with single mums – this is NOT for monogamous relationships. If that is your end game, I STRONGLY recommend not dating single mothers.
Why date single moms?
I have date and slept with single moms, mostly divorced, and will continue to do so for the following reasons:
- They fit into my schedule;
- Usually they are great plate material;
- The sex is superb
- Single mums slot nicely into harems;
- They are less prone to flaking;
- Most of them are eager to please their man;
- They are highly available;
Those may overlap sometimes, and I’ll elaborate.
1. My Time Matters
Guys, let’s face it. Most of us have a schedule of work, gym, hobbies and fun time. I, as a divorced father, have my daughters twice a week and every other weekend. This means that I have regular days in which I have time for dating and having sex. If your life style is similar to mine, even if it is just work (meaning you have or want to have specific days in which you slot the ladies) than I recommend dating single moms.
It is because they have the same “lifestyle”. If she is divorced, than that time slot arrangement works the same way. It means there are no surprises, and you can have regular sex nights, once you have your plates spinning. On another note – you won’t get phone calls or texts in the night. This, for me, is great. Less surprises – the better.
2. Keep Spinnin’ Those Plates
The masculine imperative is “to get as many women as possible with as little investment and commitment as possible.” (Quoting Rollo Tomassi). If you are not into getting a girlfriend, or a wife, but spinning plates – dating single moms helps this cause. Time slotting them, let’s say that each gets a day of the week, means that you can balance 3 plates at a time. Think about it – 3 plates, that you know you have specific time slots for, on a weekly basis.
By time slotting them (and they will approve since they need their time to balance kids, work and you as their sexual provider) you come to a “Win-Win” situation which, from my experience, can be maintained for months and even years.
3. Experience MATTERS
Quoting ROK writer, Donovan Sharpe: “She will gladly participate in any debauchery your dirty mind can dream up to keep you around. Anal sex, parking lot blow jobs, sex tapes, and nude pictures are just the tip of the iceberg. Nothing is off limits and neither are any of her orifices”. This does not mean that you get do it on the first date. However, if you keep her as part of your harem, then you may proceed to do with her as you like.
Most single mums I was with showed an enthusiasm in bed which tops their younger rivals in the sexual market. They know that if they have a good man, they need to give everything in bed. This sometimes create funny stories, in which I had to curb their enthusiasm, otherwise the blowjob might end in a trip to the hospital. Putting that aside, you want the girls you are dating to be enthusiastic. And single mums, based on my anecdotal evidence, are just that.
If one is not seeking to go MGTOW, or have a serious LTR, I’m in favour of running a harem. In order to run a harem, one must have prospects and chase them. From my point of view, looking from a “business like” perspective – why not have an anchor? If you are running a business you want to have 1-2 major clients when you start (anchor) and diversify yourself to others.
Having a regular 1-2 girls in your harem, and rotating the others is working great for me. And just like the our mutual friend Kyle Trouble, noted: “You’ll be surprised at how many girls are okay with you having casual sex with other girls as long as you come back to them. “
Yes. Single moms, who have less options will be OK with it. In fact I recommend the “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” strategy in which you don’t bring it up. If asked, you either change the subject or tell her that you are with her now. I’ve been running this for years now and most of the time it works. If it doesn’t – remember that “No girl can hurt a man with options” (quoting Roosh in one of his deleted posts).
5. A Lot Less Flaking
Flaking is an epidemic, and has been for a while. This sometimes irritates the hell out of us. Even if the advice is to not care, we may feel cheated or plain angry. After a while you care less, but would love to avoid it.
Single moms flake less. This is my experience. They may flake, but will give you a heads-up. We understand that the girl may not show up, but we expect courtesy of informing us. Single moms do that. The comments section will probably highlight that having kids means that she will cancel dates because of her kids. I agree. From my experience this happens, but they will still inform you. In my book – update >> no update.
6. They are Easy to Please
While doing research for the article I walked into so much bullshit, I had to clean my virtual shoes. However, here is one reason that I actually thing is a good one: “Single moms are easy to please. Time away or a personal treat (such as a manicure or massage) goes a long way.”
OK, massage or manicure is a big deal and cost money. But after you banged her a few times, and you want to use the “provider vibe” I use small gifts (up to 10$) which are originals.
Here is a simple example: branded nail polish. I bought some when I was in France for €3 apiece. I gave it to one of my harem members for occasions and the response was uncanny. Their eyes just lit up. Single moms, unlike their younger rivals, rarely get freebies. This means that with minimal investment you get a lot of credit.
By having those special small gifts you can lubricate them and show that you “care”. Trying this on younger women (with options) did not yield the same success.
To win the game, we have to play the numbers. This means that we have to go out, approach, grind and expect failures. This is about having a pipeline of girls. One needs to have his online/day/night/social circle game surrounding and targets. But if we have more single moms out there, why not make it part of your target market? Sales calls it “Low hanging fruit”. You just grab it, little effort required.
For men in their 30s and above that (I’m in my 40s), those low-hanging fruits are all around us. The growing number of divorced moms is, as stated above, an epidemic. If you are looking for harem, plates or mLTR, this is a great demographic to exploit. Let’s face it – if it is around you, why not just reach out and pick it (pun intended)?
I want to advise anyone not listed above here (men in their 20s, men looking for serious LTR) very clearly, though: DO NOT go for the available pool of single mothers. It is not for you and may cause you serious distress. You want an ONS/SDL? Fine. Just don’t take it further. The reason is “Experience”. Dealing with girls with kids is not the same is dealing with unmarried ones.
As I stated above, in order to “enjoy” single moms, you need to first have a goal of dating non-monogamously. If your goal is to get married and live happily, I advise against this. My anecdotal evidences suggest that it is possible – I have a friend who wifed up a single mom and adopted her kid. They also have one of their own and they are happy together -yet most of the couples I know in this situations are no longer a couple. [Dawn is absolutely right, this rarely works; there is a REASON why male lions kill the cubs of other males when they take over a pride from an older displaced former leader – Didact]
I want to elaborate on one more point – mutual understanding. If you have no kids, people with kids will probably seem… weird. We have different priorities, a “strange” outlook on life and there is a “chasm” between you and us. To date someone who is very different from you may sound exciting, but it is actually way more frustrating. If you have your own children it is far easier to relate to a woman who also has kids.
Also, if you are over 30 (as a general rule) then likely you have more life experience, which helps you deal with different people.
All the advice I’ve saw – about why they are good relationship material – independent, can handle stress and don’t waste time is all blue-pilled bullshit. If they were so great, they would have delayed gratification and not gotten themselves knocked up. Moreover, they wouldn’t have saddled themselves with the responsibility for another man’s offspring. Ignore that crap and take MY advice instead. If you want to date them, do it for the stated reasons above.