Reader ReactionaryTeen had a long comment to add to my recent post about killing your inner Gamma male:
I often struggle with thinking I’m a gamma, even though dogs respect me and I have a (kind of) dangerous blue collar job (cutting feral bees out of walls). I’ve started lifting, and I’m 6’+ and hardly overweight. The main source of my self-perceived gammatude is, as with a lot of guys, my dealing with women. I am what scripture would call “slow of speech and tongue.” I used to have a minor speech impediment as a kid/young teen. I’m over it now, and have taken public speaking classes so now I can talk to customers and platonic friends with no problems, but the instant I think of talking to a moderately attractive female my tongue locks up and I practically run away to avoid embarrassing myself. I honestly think I just need more practice. I was raised in a Christian homeschooling family, and while I have a head start on college (junior at 19) and a $100/hr job working with my father, I have had almost zero experience talking to girls I’m interested in. In addition to this, the church we attend is relatively small and the only girl there who I’d consider a good catch is currently in a very serious courtship with my twin brother (on the plus side, that tells me I’m not physically unattractive). The close second (physically, anyway) is on a prayer list (and meds) for cutting herself. Obviously not wife material. Any suggestions as to how I can improve my social skills with women and also find any I’d consider? I think my problem is legitimately lack of exposure. I thought about going to my college’s Christian group or whatever, but the rainbow flag pins some of them wore obviously nixed that idea.
I provide some ideas about how to get past the fear of talking to girls in this podcast, such as:
- Learning from Adam Piggott’s 28 Traits of the Modern Man;
- Gaining insights from Richard Grannon’s superb lecture at the 21 Convention;
- Changing or dropping your college major outright;
- Gaining social value and proof;
- Concentrating on your mission, rather than on girls;
There’s plenty to digest in this podcast, so be sure to listen all the way through.
Oh, and as I mentioned – this podcast is now available on a number of major podcasting services:
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast, like, share, and comment, if you use any of those services.
Here’s the podcast, embedded below:
And here is the Becker episode that inspired the title:
5 Comments
Thanks for taking the time to go over my questions. “Get out of your own head” definitely struck me a bit. I think it’s the best advice I’ve heard in a while. I’m drawing up a game plan and that’s at the top.
No problem, mate. As our buddy Bardelys says below, you’re not a Gamma and that’s pretty clear. You’ve got a solid head on your shoulders and as long as you don’t spend all of your time locked up in it, you’ll be fine. As he notes and I pointed out, you’re essentially in the wrong pond, so find a better one and use your natural advantages, and you’ll get things done. Just don’t make women the top priority in your life – trust us older guys, they’re just NOT worth the hassle.
You’re not a gamma. A gamma would have been passively aggressive in making either your brother or your crush miserable for having the gall not to notice your extreme awesomeness. The fact that you’re actively working to solve the problem means you have a pair of working testicles. You sound like a big enough fish, but in the wrong pond. Relax, you’ll find it.
I’ll tell you what I told my son, which was a part of what I did and what Cappy advised to someone in your shoes.
If you’re under 25 or so, you’re a nobody. You haven’t done anything yet. So go do something and be somebody. Think 1/2 your age +7. So when you’re 25, you’re looking for 20 year old girl or so. The converse of this is that is women these ages really aren’t attracted to you. They’re attracted to someone older. So wait until you get older. They’ll be more there.
Second, get fit, do stuff – Shoot, run, hike, join a team sport, learn how to fight. Once you are doing things, and become someone interesting, women will be there. Trust me. Don’t be thirsty.
Third, knowing this, don’t give a crap. If you don’t care whether you score or not, then you can do as Didact says and ask them questions to get them babbling. That’s how I got my wife. I was literally the first dude that actually listened to her. My mistake was it took me a while to pick up on the non verbal signals they put off. So take a communication class.
I was a tubby misfit. After being frustrated, I blew it all off, started working out and pursuing interests of my own. It wasn’t 2-3 years later I had found someone.
ReactionaryTeen:
Re Homeschool: I was homeschooled for everything and found the college and university settings to be an absolute disaster in terms of interesting wife materials. Ultimately ended up marrying a girl from my Christian homeschool circles that I had been good friends within the high school age, then 3 years later started talking again. 9 years and 3 kids later, we’re going to homeschool and I can’t imagine the amount of time and energy people waste chasing their counterparts into the 30s.
Here’s why I say this: Don’t get locked into what the world calls successful. These Friday T&A specials and these Monday Morning Warnings are not the goal, just signposts on the way. The core point these brothers are making is correct: Make the man of yourself and start building, then add the wife that wants to build with that. That may be some girl who was homeschooled or in church, that may be one who is to young right now but is right in 4 years. (please don’t be creepy and start trying to date the 15 year olds though!!)