I do not often see eye-to-eye with the MGTOW crowd these days, and have not for quite some time. We Christians are commanded to marry, be fruitful, love our wives, have LOTS of sex with them, and enjoy being with that one good woman. This makes a lot of sense from a biological as well as a Scriptural and religious perspective – and that is how you know that the Scriptures are true, because they mesh and align perfectly with observed real-world behaviour.
MGTOWs will counter that the risk involved in getting married is so enormous, so terrifying, that it is better simply to check out of the system entirely and let it collapse. And, while I cannot agree with their conclusions, I can understand where they are coming from – especially when you consider stories like THIS one:
An entrepreneur who moved a Playboy model into the luxury flat he shared with his ex-wife during their messy divorce has lost a bid to take a larger slice of their fortune.
Richard Rothschild, 45, was last year handed just £26,000, which he claims left him ‘penniless’ compared to the millions awarded to 46-year-old Charmaine de Souza.
Ms de Souza was given £1.73million – 95 per cent of the family wealth – as well as their £2.3million Miami condo.
Claiming the ruling was ‘unfair’ and left him with ‘in effect no capital at all and no income’, Mr Rothschild challenged the decision.
But a judge today threw out his appeal and upheld the original ruling, which split the money so unevenly because of Mr Rothschild’s actions and rampant spending on legal bills during their divorce.
The court heard that the couple had enjoyed a ‘very good’ lifestyle together – Mr Rothschild drove a Lamborghini and they also enjoyed the expensive condo in an exclusive Miami Beach apartment block.
They had met as students in 2005 and managed a successful London telecoms firm together.
But following their split in 2016, they clashed in court two years later when Mr Rothschild moved his then girlfriend, Playboy model Sherra Michelle, into the couple’s apartment.
It prompted a bid by Ms de Souza to get him jailed for contempt of court and saw Mr Rothschild run up over £1million in legal bills during their divorce.
In December last year, Mr Justice Cohen scolded Mr Rothschild for pursuing the ‘most destructive litigation’.
He said the entrepreneur had ‘brought it [the ruling] on himself’ because of the ‘huge and unnecessary haemorrhage of money to pay for this litigation’.
Lord Justice Moylan today upheld the December order, claiming it had been ‘just’ and ‘fair’.
So this chap moved a Playboy model into his mansion, eh? I believe this is exactly why the phrase, “PICS OR GTFO” was coined.
Pics it is, then:
Well played, Mr. Rothschild, well played. She’s not really quite my type, but she’s plenty of woman for most men – if you ignore the TCS and blatant thottery, that is.
That being said – there are many lessons to learn here, not least of which is that men really need to learn not to think with their little head first.
In this case, the man in question made some severe mistakes – like getting divorced to a woman that he had been with for more than 20 years, in a country that is notorious for being extremely hostile to the rights of men in court. We know that in the UK the courts simply do not respect prenuptial agreements and do not much care for the well-being and rights of men who (rightly) want to keep what they have earned.
This is true in much of the White, nominally Christian world at large. Even in Russia, where the law very plainly states that each party keeps what he or she had before the marriage, and assets earned and acquired during the marriage are split evenly, judges routinely side with women against men, and the law is disregarded.
This is a harsh reality that far too few men understand and most will get raped by in the end: the law is not what some political assembly of duly elected legislators pass, and it is not what some executive branch authority enforces. The law is what some judge says it is. And when you are dealing with an entire system of judges who are predisposed to deny men our rights in court and take away everything that we have in favour of women, you are guaranteed to get screwed over in court.
Christian civilisations are somewhat unique in this respect. You would not see anything similar in truly patriarchal societies, such as you find in the Islamic world or in East Asia (especially China). Over in the Middle East, for instance, a woman’s “rights” are a laughable concept and the lack of value that women have, by Islamic law, make them far more reluctant to leave their men. Under Islamic law, the man has all of the power to divorce his wife, and the woman has very nearly none.
But in the (nominally) Christian West, we are commanded to love our wives and be kind to the weaker sex. We are taught to be gentle with them and give of ourselves to them without complaint or hesitation. These are hard commandments to live by, and they are even harder to stomach when they are turned against us – as they inevitably have been by our Great Enemy.
It is really hard to stomach when the women in question take everything that we have, and then pose for pictures like this:
Of course she’s happy. She just got 95% of the wealth and a multi-million-dollar house. For her, life is great. For her ex-husband… not so much.
The conclusions to draw from all of this are neither pleasant nor uplifting.
Yes, the courts have acted with a wanton disregard for actual justice and decency by giving the ex-wife everything. And yes, she is certainly getting cash and prizes for – to put it very crudely – opening her legs. Essentially, the message going out here is that a woman can have her cake and eat it too.
At the same time, Mr. Rothschild showed an appalling lack of good sense and understanding of “optics”. He spent the time after filing for divorce flying around the world, living the high life, and generally having fun with a very bouncy Playboy model. (Exactly who did the bouncing, and how often, is for you to speculate upon in the comments.)
The MGTOW types will use examples like this to argue that there is no point whatsoever in getting married, because everything that you have can be ripped away from you instantly by an angry woman backed up by the full force and power of the government. That is true. There is no arguing with that fact, and it is a FACT. The entire system of marriage in the USA is stacked very heavily against you as a man, and if you get married within that system, you are taking a HUGE gamble with your entire life hanging in the balance.
That, in and of itself, is not the only lesson to take away from this, however.
There are also lessons to be learned from men here about the need for restraint and self-control. It is clear that Mr. Rothschild probably didn’t exercise a whole lot of either trait following his divorce. You can sort of understand why. When a man leaves an unhappy relationship or marriage, especially, he feels an overwhelming sense of freedom, and he immediately feels the need to go out and exercise those freedoms by living how he pleases.
This is a grave mistake. I have written it here countless times before, and I will write it again:
Freedom is not the right to live as you please. Freedom is the substitution of discipline imposed from within for discipline imposed from without.
In Mr. Rothschild’s situation, his “freedom” was illusory. Discipline, however unwarranted, unbalanced, unfair, and unjust, has now been imposed on him from without.
True freedom involves delaying gratification and holding oneself accountable for one’s actions. In this case, the right course of action to take with his freedom would have been to fight his ex-wife tooth and nail in the courts while holding himself to the highest possible standards of business and ethics, and acting like a model man being beaten down by the courts while taking care of his children.
There is great power in adopting such an attitude. There is no guarantee that it would have worked, of course, but at least he would have avoided some of the arguments used against him in the courts about his lavish spending and “irresponsible” lifestyle.
The plain fact is that these days there is no way to avoid the risk of getting destroyed in a court of law. As Joker from Better Bachelor pointed out in a terrific video recently, in some Western countries, you don’t even have to live together in order for a woman to ruin your life in the courts:
The situation for men is, indeed, horrific. Even Christian pastors are advising men to check out of the system and refuse to get married – and you have to understand something about Scripture in order to realise just how strange that advice sounds, coming from a Christian.
So what is the way forward here? How do we reconcile the fact, and it is a fact, that marriage is the absolute bedrock of civilisation, with the equally indisputable fact that marriage, at least in the Western world, is a horribly raw deal?
One possible answer can be found in an older post of mine, in which I used some numbers compiled by Free Northerner to analyse the true risk of divorce. There is always a risk involved, and there always will be as long as laws are in place to permit divorce free of consequences and ensuring that women get cash and prizes for pulling that trigger. But that risk can be mitigated and managed, and if you do things right, it is FAR smaller than you might think at first.
Another answer is to look at the psychological research into the subject of happy relationships, that reaffirms what the Bible has to say. Now I personally hold the entire science of psychology in almost complete contempt – I do not view psychology as a legitimate branch of science, and I think that whenever psychologists try to be scientists, they end up looking and acting incredibly stupid. I regard most psychologists as little better than mentally unstable hacks who try to solve their own problems through the misapplication of tools that lead them away from the Holy Spirit and therefore away from the Truth.
But there are, in fact, findings within psychology as a branch of philosophy, rather than as a science, that match perfectly with what the Bible tells us will lead to happy relationships and marriages. And those findings are concrete, powerful, and spectacularly effective:
The research findings of the Gottmans, as elucidated so beautifully in that video by Richard Winter, provide you with ways of testing yourself and your wife against the proven truths of Scripture. If you have a partner who conforms to those truths, then you are probably in pretty good shape. If, on the other hand, you do not, then you are in for a world of hurt.
Finally, it is critically important for men to understand that women do not change, not really. I remember watching an excellent video a while back of divorce lawyers talking about how and why marriages fail, and it is very much worth examining in more detail:
As one of those lawyers points out, people going through divorces claim that their partners changed somewhere along the line – but in fact, that never happened. The person that you are with right now, is going to be like that FOREVER. Significant and complete changes simply don’t happen overnight of their own volition. That kind of radical, complete change is reserved solely to the power of the Holy Spirit. Only the One who is Three can do that – only the Lord has that power.
So: if you are a woman, and your man is stubborn, hurtful, thoughtless, clumsy, difficult, and boring right now, he’s going to be like that forever. Stop trying to change him. You can’t. All you can do is get him to change himself, by adopting the Biblical model of the gentle wife who sets a Godly example for her husband.
And: if you are a man, and your woman is shrill, emotional, nagging, abusive, nasty, disrespectful, demeaning, constantly critical, and genuinely dangerous to you, she’s going to be like that forever. Stop trying to change her. You can’t. All you can do is get her to change herself. The only way to do that is by providing the strong-but-gentle leadership that is required of men, for we are placed as the heads of our wives, to lead by example and by personal integrity.
If she does not respect you, or give you space, or follow your lead – LEAVE. Things WILL NEVER get better. You need to rediscover your balls, sack up, and do what has to be done – and if you’ve made the wrong choice, you’re in for a miserable time, but that is the price that you must pay.
In the end, the MGTOW crowd does have a point about how bad a deal marriage is these days. I understand where they are coming from and I even agree with them, to a degree. But, having personally experienced both the great joys and the sharp miseries of wonderful and terrible relationships – and in fact I have experienced both in one relationship – I cannot agree with the MGTOW types that it is best simply to walk away from women.
I cannot do so because of my faith – and I am a spectacularly bad exemplar of that faith, which is why I tell anyone who takes my advice about such things without questioning and learning from himself a very great fool indeed.
Moreover, though, I cannot agree with them fully because they are wrong.
Men and women are created for each other – or, to be more precise, women were created to be companions and helpers for men. A man can live a fulfilling and happy life without a woman by his side, but his life will never be complete or truly full without a woman and children. I’ve seen bachelors become happy through marriage and kids too many times to count. And I’ve seen playboys and hedonists tire of the hunt and the game and long for stability and roots so many times by now that it’s become something of a trope on these pages.
The rules for successful marriage remain the same as they always were. Stand firm in your principles. Demand that your woman obeys your headship and leadership – and walk away if she does not. Refuse to bend to the vagaries and fashions of the modern world. Exercise restraint, discipline, and kindness to your woman and to the world. And do not back down in the face of injustice and indecency perpetrated by the courts of men – for they are as nothing compared to the Judgement of the Almighty.