Yeah, I was being deliberately vague. He's in the Panhandle somewhere. He told me that he'd been swimming with alligators a few times, which struck me as one of those "rapidly approaching Peak Floriduh" stories.

did you know? the southern tip of Florida has Crocodiles. something to watch out for if you ever go to Flamingo.

Jeebus. Everything I've seen about Florida tells me that it's part of the wrong landmass. Y'all really need to let the Aussies have it. The fact that everything in Florida wants to kill everything else, means that it would fit right in with the sharks and crocodiles and spiders and snakes and dingoes and other assorted horrors.

I know a guy from Florida who owns an airboat and lives near the swamps.

being Fla, this doesn't exactly narrow things down much.

did you know? the southern tip of Florida has Crocodiles. something to watch out for if you ever go to Flamingo.

Holy shit, she's right – that IS the Hilldebeast look.

Your wife is clearly a woman of discernment and taste – and excellent ability to spot bunny-boilers.

I actually showed my wife your post, and out of the blue she says "Holy crap, she looks dead inside… Like she's on a hair trigger to murder someone and never shed a tear…"

And when I chuckled, she said "She has Hillary Clinton Eyes"

Good points. I knew there was something severely off with her face but I forgot to put it in terms of TCS. She's definitely got something seriously wrong inside. Her eyes are completely dead.

Good body, though, which she was smart enough not to contaminate with Tats, but the overall "I'm dead inside and will saw your junk off while you are asleep if you don't get me a five thousand dollar Prada Bag." psychopath aura makes your girls with guns much more attractive this week.

I know a guy from Florida who owns an airboat and lives near the swamps…

If I ever end up visiting Florida again, I'll be very, very careful. I've heard way too many crazy stories to take chances with the natives. And the hogs. And the dogs. And the gators. And the mosquitoes. And… aw hell, like I said, Florida is like America's version of Australia – too dangerous and terrifying to contemplate unless completely and totally shitfaced.

without a firearm.

he had 3 or 4 pit bulls. and he had a Bowie knife.

and he'd run through the swamp until his pits got a pig tied down.

and he'd jump on it's back and cut it's throat.

because the answer to the question:
"What's more dangerous than 3 Pit bulls?"
is always
"Florida Man."

don't mess with any man in Fla who owns an airboat. because they will never find your body.