Today we have a short guest post from longtime reader and good friend of the blog Dawn Pine, aka The Male Brain. This post focuses on the predatory and solipsistic nature of many modern young women in the West, who seek to test the fidelity of the men that they date.
Many thanks as always to Dawn Pine for his consistently excellent contributions.
I happened to come across the following vid:
TL;DR (or in this case, perhaps TL;DW): there are private groups (probably on Faceborg) in which girls share info on guys they date, or used to date. One of the “services” the group provides is a “lure pigeon” – a girl contacting your BF and trying to flirt with him. That’s in Denmark.
There is an old joke about perception:
Materialist – a person who walks into a dark room, searches for a cat that does not exist yet he knows that it does not exist.
Idealist – a person who walks into a dark room, searches for a cat that does not exist and he believes that it does exist.
Marxist – a person who walks into a dark room, searches for a cat that does not exist and finds it.
Those girls are somewhere on the spectrum from Marxists to Idealist. They are trying to bait or lure someone to check him. So instead of asking or looking for signs of infidelity – they outsource it. They are “Idealist” in the sense that they are looking for something that might not be there – yet they believe it is. The worse aspect is the “Marxist” one – let’s say the BF does flirt with the decoy – so what? Does that prove infidelity?
That was the semiotic level. There are further levels to explore. The next one is the moral level:
Trying to use male thirst (or innate desire) to trick someone is completely and utterly wrong. It’s like giving a girl on a diet a large sweet candy – you don’t do that because she will be tempted to eat it and break her diet. I used the diet example to show girls what it is like. Let’s say she takes it (and most girls I know will take it). Most people will blame you for giving her the candy, not her for eating it all.
The Bible tells us: “You shall not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear your God: I am the LORD.” (Leviticus 19:14). The principle behind this is profound and goes far beyond the literal meaning of the words. It means that you are prohibited from the facilitation of a sinful act by another individual, where the person in question would otherwise have lacked the opportunity or means to have committed the sin.
To facilitate this sinful act makes you an accessory after the fact – in other words, you share in the sin of the sinner. So the women who tempt their men to cheat, are actually cheaters themselves by definition.
Next, let’s move to the practical level – or what should you do about it. I leave out the legal issue, as I’m no expert. Joker puts it wisely – if a girl contacts you out of the blue – inquire. Caveat emptor with modern women, at all times.
Let’s assume that you are in a monogamous relationship.
If it’s a dating site you were approached on – you should not accept the attention. Your profile should have been either deleted or frozen. Be very suspicious of the approach. If you were approached on FB or other social media – be polite and thank her for the attention. If it is in person – that is deeply suspect and your guard should be up. I have opened hundreds of girls and have yet to see a girl opening anybody.
That does not mean it doesn’t happen. It probably does in some cultures. Yet I tend to believe that the CHADs will manage one way or another.
Also – my rule on relationships (and I strongly stand by it) is that if I gave my word – I should stand by it. If you promised monogamy – stick to it. If it doesn’t work for you (or both of you) – say it. However, if I did not promise something – it is not implicit that I should provide it. I went head to head with several girls on that – either she leaves, or she stays on my terms.
And last – if your girl does that to you – drop her faster than the lesbian Mayor of Seattle dropped her police station in CHAZ. It is an amoral act of ill-faith, and you should hard-next that person ASAFP. No one, and I mean NO ONE should be in a relationship with a person who tries to entrap/decoy them. Leave it to Kate Bush’s songs (Babushka). The guy who was the subject of the video that inspired this post, decided to stay with his GF (cough “SIMP” cough) – so that’s on him.
6 Comments
I'm probably ignoring the forest and focusing too much on the tree, but these kind of things just make me shy away from very serious committed relationships or marriage. I guess there is a happy story for every case that went sideways, but when things go sideways, it looks as if the man's whole world collapsed. Anyways, I will worry about it when I turn 40 maybe 😛 For now, I will play the game to exhaustion.
I understand where you are coming from. I had the same attitude for a very long time. My faith played a major role in changing my mind, but that's a very personal choice and it's up to you to figure out how to proceed. I will say that the decision to check out of the relationship market completely is one made entirely out of risk-aversion and fear. This is self-defeating because if you live your whole life in fear of what could go wrong, then inevitably, those things WILL go wrong.
It is better to look for women who self-select into professions and categories that automatically make them likely to be good mates. A great place to start is with kindergarten teachers, for instance. And while Western women in general are badly damaged from decades of feminist drivel and absolutely appalling anti-male laws, that does not mean that here are NO good Western women out there.
It's just much, much harder to find them nowadays.
Well, looking at the numbers on divorce rate can be scary on the surface, but what scares me the most is what part of those divorces were actually justified, as in both people had their shit together before they got married. Same thing for break ups. My estimate is that it would be a lot lower for communities with stable principles and discipline to uphold them. If you are attending church with 100 different couples it would be a lot harder to cheat, compared to a big city where every day you meet new exciting women/men out there all the time. Big cities have the surprise factor which can overstimulate your reward system, so if I was to give an honest shot at a serious relationship I would scan my environment very carefully. I don't live in the U.S but with current world events, a quiet neighborhood with religious gun loving neighbors would be a good option.
So I think unconsciously I might be looking for a burnout in order to allow myself to find something more meaningful.
Oh the difference is crazy. Among my friends at the University church, relationships under a year aren't really a thing, and the ones that haven't crossed the one-year mark definitely will. On the largely secular varsity team, ghosting and cheating and whatever is rampant, to a point where there's new gossip about some romantic misadventure every week.
Community and family can be a hindrance or a help for marriage. Look for a partner who will want to integrate with your family and vice versa. My squeeze and I have not yet tied the knot, but we have ingrained ourselves so deep in each other's families that if one of us wanted out, there would be a flurry of phone calls and offers of support to keep us together. Now, that didn't come about easily and took a lot of hard work and some sacrifice, but it is doable.
The underlying issue is that the West is atomized instead of symbiotic. Find yourself a woman who does not want to be separate from you in any way.
Kapios, you are correct in most of your points. It is FAR easier to create a happy monogamous relationship within a community that self-selects for happy, monogamous relationships, as Bardelys points out. If you are in an environment that discourages such things, then it should not be any surprise at all when you cannot get what you are looking for.
Unfortunately the majority of the Western urban developed world is atomised, feminised, misandrist, and deeply hostile to the entire idea of happy monogamous relationships. But that is NOT to say that you cannot make it happen.
You may have to move. You may have to get a different passport. You may have to make significant changes to your body and lifestyle – i.e. hit the gym or get hard physical exercise every day.
The key here is that we as men have a responsibility and an obligation to make ourselves into what we want to be. We are not handed things in life like women are; we have to build up everything in our lives.
You are also correct that you need to pick and choose your potential partners with care. It is still possible to find women in an urban environment who are sweet, caring, and feminine – but exposure to that environment grinds them all down eventually.
I don't live in the U.S but with current world events, a quiet neighborhood with religious gun loving neighbors would be a good option.
You'd have to go to rural Central/Eastern Europe for that these days. Australia and New Zealand are extremely hostile to both Christianity and guns. Parts of South America might be possible too – Argentina comes to mind.