I finally heard God talk to me, but I had to ask

Yes. And getting to that point often requires a level of brokenness and pain that is really hard to fathom until you actually experience it.

There's an old quote from President Lincoln, for whom I normally have a rather dim opinion, in which he said something to the effect that, "I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go". He was right. In the end, we have only one choice that truly matters – to accept His help, or not.

Let me tell you that when God speaks to you, you know it

Yeah. It's a feeling unlike any other. And when the full weight of it hits you, it is not possible for an honest man to deny it – or Him.

I am happy to find that you have suffered similarly

Funny thing – I am too.

It sounds ridiculous to say that I am glad for suffering. The process of being broken is extremely unpleasant and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But the result of that suffering is what matters in the end, and when the forging of that result is handed over to the Lord, the final products are men and women who are more strong, humble, and resilient than they could ever have been without Him.

I am really happy for you, my brother, that your girlfriend will be able to live a good life, and that she will be around for – I hope! – a long time. I'll be praying for you both, as I do for all of my readers.

I finally heard God talk to me, but I had to ask. Long story short, my girlfriend had a bad car accident last New Year's Eve, and come to find out, scrambled her brain pretty good. Only it took over a year and six (!) trips to the Mayo Clinic to get to the bottom of that. Anyway, we have a mutual friend who has a PhD is neuroscience and is also a Christian, who said some things about my gf's health that, while I think is untrue, I wasn't prepared for and bothered me greatly. However, she reminded me that I need to be listening for God's voice and pray for it, and one day I broke down and did so.

Let me tell you that when God speaks to you, you know it. All I heard was "She's going to be ok", only I didn't hear it, I spoke it, and afterword came the most eerie calm I've ever experienced. I tested this by trying to replicate it throughout the day and it didn't compare. We return from Mayo this week having learned that they finally got to the bottom of what was wrong, and though there's no cure for what she has, she now has a timeline for being able to self-manage her symptoms, with a possibility of doing so drug-free. At the time I broke down we thought, pending a test result, she might have 2-5 years to live.

All through this time, we have prayed not for results, but for strength and wisdom. I am not strong enough to handle everything on my own; I need the guidance of my Father. Through Christ who strengthens me. I am unquestionably a better man, and it is only through God's grace that I am. But I had to open my eyes.

I am happy to find that you have suffered similarly. BTW, I find the Christian definition of suffering to include receiving grace and glory afterward. Shepherd Christ may occasionally shear his flock, but He will never skin them.

That is one of the most interesting aspects of being a Christian. That whole "not my will but thy will be done" thing is virtually impossible to understand without faith. He has a plan for each of us, and shows it to us in ways that are very difficult to figure out when we sit there and try to force it.

But the moment that we just relax and let go of any attempts to control how things turn out… wonderful things start happening.

It's a lesson that I'm learning the hard way – that we can be under the control of a Divine Will, and yet still have complete autonomy and free will to live as we please.

My attitude is pretty simple: I'm just a little kid looking to his Father to show him how to navigate the world around me. All of my previous experiences and knowledge don't really count except in the most superficial ways. There is something way bigger than me out there trying to help me out. And I'll never, ever be truly alone again.

Selimpur isn't that far away from where I am now, actually – near the Jodhpur Park area, which is not too bad. Sealdah is more toward the heart of the old city and has much more of the Raj-era architecture and "feel" than the southern parts. Fifteen years ago Calcutta was a very depressing place; I remember that it had the feeling of a city that was literally dying on its feet. Things have changed positively since then in many ways; a lot of the infrastructure projects that were held up for many years, are now going through, the power supply is actually reliable, and the city is beautifully lit up at night.

But there is still no getting away from the fact that this place is a Third World dump.

Where are you heading next?

Assuming that the work visa gets sorted out by my employers – Singapore.

I once worked for a large telecom manufacturer, and got laid off in the tech blowup of 2003 or so. I had issues finding work, and landed at a company that specialized in taking desperate people like me and paying them peanuts. I went from 6 figures to 45K to feed my family and pay my bills as best I could.

I was miserable. But I was faithful.

I went on an ignation retreat – what I do to sort my head out. All weekend, in silence, I prayed for a clue of what to do. Nothing happened.

Until Sunday, at mass, not 1/2 hour before we were allowed to speak again. I got to thinking of my dad, and what he'd do. All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed with peace and happiness. I started laughing at the most solemn part of the mass.

God Spoke to me. He said – "None of this matters. Right now, you need to be a father. That's all. "

In a month, I had an offer for the company I work for now. $25K more a year, benefits paid. 50% travel. But, 50% home with my kids, driving them to school, cooking dinner for them, during their teenage, formative years.

They all are now smart, driven, faithful, better people than I ever was.

I got throat cancer. I didn't pray for healing. I didn't make a deal "God, take this away and I'll do X, Y, or Z". I said, whatever your will, bring it on. I owe you.

I'm cancer free. Even though I'd see death as a relief at this point.

I still don't know what he wants me do to. But I'm listening.

Well… landed on my feet, sort of, yes, but it feels like I broke a few bones in the process ))

I lived in Calcutta for a while, it's not the worst place in the world. Cheerful, lots to do. I saw some mind-blowing things.

Really? That's… surprising. Pretty much the complete polar opposite of my experience, and I've been coming here for over 25 years.

Whereabouts did you stay, if you don't mind my asking? And roughly around when?

My advice is, whatever you do next, make sure it is so much better than what you used to do that you'll be glad you got fired.

Yeah, I'm working on that now. I'm doing stuff that is completely different from what I did before. It's not bad, actually, and once they get the work visa sorted out on their end, I'm looking forward to shaking the dust off my feet again.