“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Serves you right

by | Jun 18, 2018 | gym idiots, Uncategorized | 3 comments

This is what happens when you use a Smith machine in a gym:

A post shared by gymfuckery™ (@gymfuckery) on

As I may have made clear a few times in the past, I HATE SMITH MACHINES. The damn things are the most dangerous piece of equipment in any gym, and by rights ought to be melted down.

In the words of the Brophet Dom, “if you melted down the metal necessary to construct just one of these monstrosities, you could provide enough dumbbells to solve world hunger – MUSCLE HUNGER”.

Never use a Smith machine, for yea verily, to do so is to violate one of the Ten Commandments of the Iron God. And that, truly, doth be a mortal sin against the Lord of Gains.

Do not use a Smith machine. Do not look at a Smith machine. Do not fail to roundly mock the idiots who insist that a Smith machine is in any way useful or good. Do not bother so much as touching a Smith machine.

Instead, why not do something productive with your time – like going over to the squat rack and doing squats and deadlifts? Or, perhaps, helping to clear the way so that a certain Didact can become Supreme Ruler of Mankind, and therefore make his first act the abolition, now and forever, of Smith machines from the gym? Followed immediately by the institution of a 112mph speed limit on all highways, and then a break for lunch and a nap?

Truly, I am kind.

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3 Comments

  1. Ward B.

    I've been looking at Smith Machines and was thinking about buying one for use at home. Could I get you to come by and help me set it up?

    Reply
    • Didact

      Look, mate, if you get a Smith machine for your pad, I am going to have to ask some serious questions about your patriotism, your manliness, and your fidelity to Christ…

      If, on the other hand, you decide to walk the righteous path and get a power rack – like, say, this one – then all is forgiven.

      Reply
    • Ward B.

      Hmmmm. How about we compromise. I'll get a Body Flex and a pair of Kangaroo Jumper shoes? And some spandex workout pants. How's that?

      Reply

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