As for being a Christian, there are different ways of looking at that. The term "Christian", taken literally from the Greek, means "Christ-Like". There are a few who meet that standard. I don't. These days, it is more of an "Identity" than it is a descriptive lifestyle. I struggle and try, but do not come close to a true application of that name to myself. I fall more into the category of "Believer in Christ" and one who lives in such a was as to practice His teachings. Not yet Chrst-Like, but moving and growing towards that goal.

While I'm not sure where you may be in the "Biblical" definition of things, I am quite confident through what I have read that God has His hand on you and, as you yield, He will continue to guide you to where He wants you to be. It's a neat thing to watch unfold.

Unfortunately, the Church has lost sight of who Christ really is. Everyone keeps getting wrapped up in the "lovey-dovey" parts of the scriptures, but forget that Christ called the Pharisees the worst names He could and made a whip to drive out money-changers from the temple. He also instructed His disciples to go buy a sword to defend themselves on their journeys, and yet was filled with compassion towards those He met and ministered to.

I could be mistaken, and maybe I am, but as I read your posts, I often see you (in some way or another) moving in each of those directions–and I think ultimately, towards God. As a Believer, an important role for us is to encourage one another and tell the truth in concern and love. I have nothing to offer you except the encouragement that I feel confident you are on the right track. In the end, Jeremiah 29:13 is the undeniable hope and truth that we can all rely on.
I hope I am not too out of line here for your comments section.

Anyway, thanks for blogging.