The last few days have been… interesting, to say the least. The house here is still in a state of disarray- though it’s mostly livable, now. Internet connectivity is, frankly, abysmal- it’s like being back in the days of dial-up. (It depresses me greatly to think that I am old enough to remember the days of 14.4kbps modems when they were considered “cutting-edge”; by contrast, people ten years younger than me have never known anything but high-speed broadband and wi-fi.)
And then yesterday I came down with either stomach flu or severe food poisoning; either way, it was deeply unpleasant.
However, now that things are finally stabilising for me and for my family here, I did want to take some time to comment on an article written by Matt Forney regarding the pitfalls of dating Indian women.
I got a right good chuckle out of it. And I will state for the record that I agree with much of what he wrote.
Matt raised five points about Indian- more specifically, desi- girls:
- They are unattractive;
- They are prudish;
- They are self-loathing;
- They are feminists;
- They are mentally ill
I’ll vouch for points 1, 2, and 4 openly. They are all basically true. Take a walk down any city street in Calcutta or Bombay or Madras or Bangalore- I refuse to use the newfangled “true” names that the Indian government has forced upon its major cities in an ill-founded attempt to do away with the legacies of the British Raj- and you will be hard-pressed indeed to find any attractive women.
|The sad thing is, this was apparently a modelling contest…|
This is due to a number of factors. The first, and most important, is diet. The typical Indian diet is completely unfathomable to me nowadays. It is very heavy on starches and carbohydrates, in the form of rice, bread, and potatoes. Indians also love their sweets and their sugar; indeed, if you follow anything approaching a Paleo or primal lifestyle, one of the absolute worst countries you can possibly visit is India. Add to this a relatively sedentary lifestyle brought on by the rising prominence of office-based work among the middle classes of the country, and you have the perfect recipe for a bloated, overweight, unattractive population.
And you can see the consequences of that lifestyle just by looking out the window on a car ride through Calcutta. Both men and women tend to follow that strange “skinny-fat” look which seems endemic in this country, and it is rare indeed that you will find a beautiful or even pretty woman walking the streets in a sari or Western dress.
As for points 3 and 5, well, I’m on less solid ground there and I’m not as willing to make sweeping generalisations as Matt is. So I will simply state that young women of Indian origin raised in the West tend to be liberals. This is actually true of Asian-Americans in general, regardless of ethnic extraction; as a result, a lot of Indian girls start out liberal and only get worse with time. To be honest, I have no idea why Asians in Western countries are liberals, and I’m not anthropologist enough to engage in conjectures on the subject. But I will concede that the self-loathing, mentally defective liberal mentality can indeed create the outcomes that Matt described.
Then Matt’s article jogged my memory. Almost exactly a year ago, Charlie Bushmeister from Single Dude Travel had some similarly acerbic things to say about the dating scene in India. And as I said at the time, I agreed with Charlie’s commentary as well.
The key difference between the two is that Charlie was commenting on Indian girls in India, whereas Matt was writing about desi girls. The two are NOT the same. A desi, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, is basically a person of Indian origin who lives outside of India and has adopted non-Indian cultural norms and habits. As a consequence of India’s massive diaspora between the 1960s and 1990s, you’ll find lots of Indians in Western nations who, other than skin colour, are very difficult to tell apart from their Western neighbours because of the way they dress, talk, and act in public.
In that respect, desis are as far removed from native Indians as an ostrich is from an elephant.
Then Matt argues that the toxic effects of Western cultures are even more destructive to desi women than they are to Western ones. He states unequivocally:
Indians combine the worst of their native culture and the worst of American culture in one disgusting, rancid stew.
Now this is where I disagree with Matt. As generalisations go, this is both crude and inaccurate, because by definition it doesn’t apply to native Indians. Nor does it really apply to desis. There are desis of my acquaintance who have next to no clue about their own native culture and neither want nor need to have anything to do with India. They are effectively just Westerners with dark skin- which, let’s be clear, is not an endorsement of the more puerile aspects of Western culture, which Matt rightly criticises.
Indeed, the Indians who try the hardest to keep in touch with their roots are generally the first-generation Indians who came over here during the Indian Diaspora. They do so because they grew up in India and, like all emigrants to foreign shores, tend to focus as much on the good things from their past lives as on the bad things that drove them to seek better fortunes elsewhere.
Nevertheless, when it comes to desi women, there is some truth to be found in Matt’s otherwise nearly absurd generalisation. When the worst parts of Western culture get smashed headfirst into the worst aspects of Indian culture, the results are… well, weird.
I suppose the best way to illustrate the problem is with an anecdote. Even though I visit it almost every year, I do not like Calcutta- it is an incredibly noisy, overcrowded, dirty, and generally rather uncomfortable place to be, and it takes at least thirty minutes to get anywhere due to the insanely congested roads and impossibly convoluted street patterns. Never mind walking, it’s neither safe nor healthy.
|Like this, except much more depressing|
Even so, you can get some idea of what appeals to the rising middle class of India by simply going for a drive from the airport in northeast Calcutta, to the suburbs of the south and southeast.
As we were driving along just such a route, I happened to spot a few posters advertising a New Year’s bash of some sort- in Calcutta, around about this time of year, there’s always a party or cultural event of some sort to be found somewhere.
This particular New Year’s Eve party hinged on the presence of certain minor Bollywood luminaries- and when I saw one of the names on the poster, I had to do a double-take, because it turned out to be none other than Sunny Leone.
Don’t be too surprised if that name rings a bell. As it happens, she was, and remains, a very well known name in the adult film industry. For the past few years she has been reinventing herself as a mainstream actress in Bollywood- with some success, apparently.
(I have no idea whether she actually is a mainstream success or not- I don’t watch or keep up with Bollywood movies. I do find it rather ironic that a desi former porn star happens to look far better, fitter, and prettier at the age of 33 or so than most of her more mainstream homegrown peers. Also, surprisingly, most of this lady’s pictures are merely LSFW)
|A well-brought-up Punjabi desi girl|
This indeed is what happens when you combine the worst aspects of Western culture with the worst aspects of Indian culture. You end up with a former porn star being the main attraction at a New Year’s Eve party. And hey, if that’s what Indians want, so be it- but don’t then turn around and tell the rest of us that Indian women are somehow “more chaste” or “more feminine” or any other such silliness. They’re not. They’re just like women everywhere else.
And Indian men, who may be some of the thirstiest on the planet when it comes to women, are no paragons of virtue either, if they’re willing to turn a completely blind eye toward the previous, er, youthful indiscretions of a woman who is probably very sweet and charming, but who also made a career out of banging both men and women on camera for money.
This example supports Matt’s comment in certain extreme cases. In India, a native-born woman known for both acting in and directing pornographic films would be locked out of polite society- yet, because Sunny Leone (born Karenjit Kaur Vohra- you can’t get much more Punjabi than this) is a desi girl who “rediscovered her roots”, no one so much as bats an eyelash.
And as I wrote earlier, she might well be one of the nicest, most down-to-earth people you’ll ever meet (whether she is or not, I have no idea), but there’s no getting away from the fact that she was once an enthusiastic performer of hardcore porn. Yet Indians seem content to ignore this.
This is because Indians have an almost bipolar mentality when it comes to sex and female sexuality. This is a place and a culture known for producing some of the most sexually explicit art and literature ever produced- but modern India is still a deeply conservative, sexually prudish, hidebound society where a woman who states openly that no educated man should expect his bride to be a virgin is sued for “defamation” or some such nonsense, simply for speaking what should be a fairly obvious truth.
There are a few things that Matt did miss out. For one thing, native Indian girls- i.e. non-desi Indians- often do have domestic skills that Western women lack, because they’ve been brought up in a much more traditional setting and culture. For another, marriage is taken far more seriously within India than it is by desi communities outside the country. And, perhaps most importantly, the importance of family is absolutely paramount in the Indian mindset, for the most part; this is slowly changing as Indian society inevitably becomes more atomised and secular, but it’s still far more family-oriented than the rather more selfish West.
With that being said, I do NOT recommend that the average Western man drop everything and book a one-way ticket to India to find a good woman to settle down with. This isn’t the Philippines, Vietnam, or Thailand; white men are regarded as outsiders and strangers and are automatically treated with a polite, distant reserve, rather than as the way to a better life for the average woman.
What’s more, the girls here just aren’t worth it in terms of looks- and the women that do have looks will not be able to preserve them over time. I’m not sure what it is about Indian genetics, but over time Indian women really do tend to let themselves go. If you’re aiming to create your own poosy paradise, the subcontinent really ain’t the place to do it.
Indian girls, when married young, can and do make good wives and good mothers. They can be, and usually are, loyal and faithful. BUT- and this is critical- they are like that within the confines and mores of their own culture. Remove them from that culture and any of its touchstones, and put them into the moral and cultural sewer that is modern America, or the even more toxic swamp that is modern Britain, and they’ll start acting like Western women all on their own.
Good, sweet, caring, feminine women do exist- not just in India but all over the world. But don’t for one moment pretend that you can find what you’re looking for just by banging women from non-Western cultures. It’s not that simple. You have to know what you’re looking for; you have to be willing to make sacrifices to achieve those goals; and you have to make compromises to find the right woman to be your wife and raise your children (if that’s what you want). Banging your way through a bunch of desi girls may well be a lot of fun- for certain definitions of the word- but if my knowledge of desi culture is anything to go by, it likely won’t bring you long-term happiness.